How the heck do working mums manage this?!

[LosAngeles444]

Returned to work after maternity leave, DS 6 months old. DH works longer hours so I'm responsible for the nursery drop off and pick up. Morning, I drive DS to nursery, drive back home to park the car, walk 10 mins to train station to get into work. Have to leave work at 4pm to pick up DS from nursery.

Only just started this new routine and already knackered! How the heck do mums manage this? Aibu for thinking this is unsustainable and you just burn out at some point? I've only got one DS so know I can't really complain but it's already damn tough. How do you do it?

I've done it for 10 years without a car and on my own.

I picked a nursery that was very near to work, but 40 minute walk from home. I was completely exhausted for 5 years, then I got a bike with a child seat, then I dropped to a 4 day working week, then dd got her own bike. It's been much easier for a few years.

I'm super organised, that helps.

I work full time with 3 school-aged DC. DH works away a lot. I cope by loving my job, drinking without guilt and mindfulness meditation whenever I blardy can without falling asleep.

I feel your pain. I used to do 9-1 min to fri. Used to do train from 7-7.30 then bus for 20 mins. Drop dd off then bus for 20 mins to work. Then we'd do something in afternoon so home about 4 then tea etc. Now I've just started working full time so dd goes to nursery 8-6.

You just have to crack on with I'm afraid OP. You'll get used to it.

We both have a 90 minute commute (bus, train, tube) with one DC in primary school and one in nursery.

We have managed to find a balance by me working 3 days with one at home and DP working full-time with two days at home. His two days at home are on my two days in the office so one of us is at home every day. DP drops and collects both DC on his days at home and I do it on my days at home. Elder DC goes to after school club on the days we are both working.

This means the one commuting can just get up showered dressed and out the door. It also means no stress about getting home to collect before 6 late train panics etc.

We are very very lucky to have this arrangement but we didn't have it when it was just DC1 and we had to do a one go in early on the bus, the other use car to take DC to nursery then park car at station get to work later. "Early: person leaves work at 4 to get back in time to collect car and child. "Late" person comes back on bus. It was hard but we got used to it.

It does leave you almost permanently exhausted though. I'm still knackered on our new "easy" regime. Being a parent is knackering full stop I think. Add a high pressure job and commuting into the mix = lots of wine and early bedtimes for all!

I have the same problem and did a thread a month ago! It's rubbish isn't it. Best advise I got was to batch cook at the weekend and get a cleaner

You tell your OH to get his act together and get some flexible working sorted, either he leaves early or arrives a bit late. This child is both yours, not just the mothers.

I was just knackered and ill all the time.

Could you leave the car at nursery and walk or bus to the station?

Or drop at nursery then drive and park close to the station so you don't have to go back home again?

I worked 12 hour nights, every other night and no sleep during the daytime. We were farming so DH couldn't help, I just got on with it and did all the farm books, calf rearing and ran a livery yard.
Permanent exhaustion for 8 years then did fulltime day duty rotating to 10 nights every 6 weeks which was a killer.

That's exactly what I do. I started a new job last week and have been late for training every day because of nursery drop off (and buggering train strikes.)

It's knackering!

I normally walk 6000 steps before I get to my desk!!

I manage it quite nicely at the moment but only because dp does the nursery drop off and pick up, so I just have to get one person out the door (me!!).

Tomorrow he's working somewhere else in the country so I have to do it all. I've already made tomorrow night's dinner, laid out my clothes and sorted my lunch. I know that I am going to come home exhausted and collapse on the sofa.

It's not easy.

I did it with 4 dc's aged 1,6,8 and 10 at the time. Private school so completely arsey about correct uniform, homework, pe kit washed every week etc. I look back and I don't know how I did it tbh, you just do

Oh dear, yes it's hell! I used to drive dd1 to childminder 7miles one way then dd2 13 miles the other way to nursery then 30 miles another way to be at work for 9am and then all in reverse to get home for 7pm, I have no clue how I did that for 5 years oh and studied at night for my degree ! Best I can say is try not to think about it and just do it.
Just wait till you have school holidays to contend with as well

Our arrangements have never been anything like as tough as yours or those some people posted: we have varied from 1.2 to 1.4 jobs between us and that's still been tough. But I second the advice on sleep. We just go to bed early. Do what you need to do to get as much rest as you can.

It is also pretty hard going back after ML. Even when you only take a short one it can take time to get into the swing of things. You've not long given birth, in the grand scheme of things.

No it's alright- DH and I do it and the question is really about working parents and not just mums

It's knackering but also very energising if you love your career.

We outsource cleaning, do lots of batch cooking and have an understanding that neither DH nor I will settle for less than 50-50 split in chores

We have a lovely childmidner two minutes from us. Our workplaces are massive motorway drives away. DS goes 10-6.

It was tiring initially but we've found a balance that works brilliantly and I really enjoy both job and mothering so much :)

Can your DH put in a flexible working request?

Prep everything. Clothes, washing machine on timer, slow cooker, rice cooker, batch cook and freeze etc etc.

It's crap sometimes but once you are in a routine it's ok. It works fine and I have 3 primary children now. Although if one of them is slow in morning I lose my shit.

I always get to work and flop into my chair exhausted. People without children think it's funny.

Leave work and do the pick up and multiple clubs so tea has to be either in the slow cooker or defrosting just needing to be warmed up. If not then they get pasta and sauce. No big deal.

Rice cooker with timer is the biz.

Going to bed later really helped me although it meant I main-lined coffee in the mornings).

Once I had spent time with DC after work and done the dinner, bath, bed thing (which usually took me up to about 7.30 ), I used to give myself a 1 hour slot in which to do housework, ironing, catching up on paperwork, replying to messages etc. Then ran myself a hot bath (cleaning the bathroom whilst the bath runs is a good use of the time). Nice hot bath and preen and then that was it; I'd make a cup of tea, grab some biccies and relax on the sofa for a couple of hours.

when I got to work in the mornings, I'd write down any must-do jobs during my lunch break. If I had gifts to buy or anything I'd buy them and wrap at work so that it was all done and I wasn't running around at home hunting for sellotape.

It just becomes normal and routine and not an issue in the end.

You just cope because you have to.

Tomorrow I will take 3 dc to school on foot (20 minute walk each way), supervise dc3 settling in at school nursery. Come home with dc3 clean, cook and do admin. Pick up older 2 on foot. Come back get dinner on, eat then run out the door to work. I will get to bed around 3am.

Prepare everything:

• all clothes for the week for you and kids
• food: either prepared (weekend everything get cooked in bulk) or sandwiches. childminder gives hot lunch and sandwich for dinner, so only snack at home
• i have breakfast on train, do online groceries etc on train (london commute means standing only)
• only absolutely necessary cleaning during week
• for a 6 month old: good sling or carrier (on tour back). later: give them chores

Yes echo what everyone else says, unless you work 9-5 with a tiny commute then it's v hard for one person to do all the pick ups and drop offs.

Get DH to look into flexible working. My dad started work at 9.30 throughout my whole childhood as he took us to school, while my mum went in early. Even if he can't do every single day, a couple of days a week will help.

Any chance you can work from home once a week? Or DH work from home? Or you drive to work? Or a nursery in a different location? or au pair or nanny share? You will become exhausted and burn out if you aren't careful

I found the only way was to pick a nursery that was 1 street away from my workplace. Especially useful when DD or DS were sick and I got the call to come and get them (sometimes this happened by 10am!)

DH couldn't help out at all. He worked away, leaving at 6am on Monday mornings and returning at 8pm on Friday nights.

Ditto the nursery close to work, mine is on site, could not be more convenient

You'll soon get into a routine and soon enough it'll become second nature. I leave at 715am (husband does breakfast and nursery drop off) finish work at 330pm so I can pick her up at 430pm, get home, start dinner, eat then bedtime routine at 7pm, after that I log in back into my work laptop and work a couple of hours, sleep and repeat the next day. I'm on maternity atm but once I am back it'll be a similar routine I suspect. You'll be fine OP

It gets easier once in the routine, lots of good tips about being prepared night before, is there a way that you could park nearer to station rather than leave your car at home?

Pack healthy snacks for slumps and drink lots of water to stay alert. I go to bed about 10 - 1030pm most evenings.