How the heck do working mums manage this?!

[LosAngeles444]

Returned to work after maternity leave, DS 6 months old. DH works longer hours so I'm responsible for the nursery drop off and pick up. Morning, I drive DS to nursery, drive back home to park the car, walk 10 mins to train station to get into work. Have to leave work at 4pm to pick up DS from nursery.

Only just started this new routine and already knackered! How the heck do mums manage this? Aibu for thinking this is unsustainable and you just burn out at some point? I've only got one DS so know I can't really complain but it's already damn tough. How do you do it?

Everyone on this thread seems to be talking about dinner - don't your childminders or nurseries do dinner for your DCs?

I get up 30 mins before my kids so I have a little time to get ready, put make up on, etc, then I have timed segments to complete eg, 15 mins get all kids dressed, 30 mins get all kids breakfasted, 30 mins get the little buggers out the door (it really does take that long...)

Basically I get up bloody early and stick to a strict routine so everyone knows what's expected of them.

It does get easier though op, I promise!

They offer it bibble but we like to eat together

You get used to it and honestly, it feels a fair bit easier when the weather is brighter etc. Come the middle of June it will feel totally different. Plus, it's new for you at present and you're still adjusting to it all.

You get used to it. And it gets easier, I promise.
I thought I will never see times when I won't hear Mama Mama Mama constantly. Right now, after some very hectic days incl. weekends I'm sitting on the sofa, eating grapes and mumsnetting while DD is eating a muffin and watching Horrible Histories. Washing done and bathroom clean yesterday, food cooked, homework done and clothes and food prepared for tomorrow so I'm seriously not going to make up more work by thinking about all the chores I missed out on.
Stop thinking you have to rush from one thing to another. I gave up on trying to be a perfect and always smiling TV ad Mum long ago. You are just destroying yourself mentally. Split the chores, cook for more days in advance, enjoy some free time and try going to bed early, not easy I know. I honestly gave up on some time wasting chores, like ironing. When DH wants his shirts ironed, he's welcome to do it himself. Kids clothes don't have to be ironed at all, IMHO. Mine are usually the non-irony stuff and heaven will freeze before I iron a pair of jeans.

DH shares everything 50/50 and reduced his hours plus we each work from home one day a week. Your situation does not sounds sustainable to me.

When mine were tiny I used to have a bath with them after nursery. That was a lovely relaxing (ish) way to spend time together at the end of a busy day. (Always hosed down in the shower after /later though )

And yes; no ironing, my children don't actually know what an iron is!! I bought some shift style dresses made of suit material, no ironing needed! Think they were from next.

I wfh one day a week and will be upping it to two. The other days I go early and my DH who starts at 0930 does the drop offs and gets in at 0945ish. I do pick up and evenings (feeding/bathing) so he can make up time and he does one day a week wfh to cover me if I csnt do two. It's so hard.

Haha! There's no magic formula. Most of the mums I know just get through the day as best we can. Try to be organised. Then drink wine.
Before you know it they'll be driving themselves to college. There is a very true saying...'The days are long but the years are short'.

As a working parent, you have to think very carefully about logistics.

Which nursery you use in relation to your train station, what are their opening hours, plan B if trains don't work, how much your dh can pitch in (he should), your working hours, do you need wrap around childcare. And the configuration changes every year, especially if you have more than one child.

Sometimes you don't have the luxury f choosing the best school or nursery or afterschool activity for your dc. You have to choose the one that ideally makes your life easiest or at least does not make it a misery.

If it sort of works, you will soon get into the routine. I am still running to and from the train station everyday. My dcs are 13 and 10 and I don't need to but it has become my daily exercise.

It's because you have a six month old and probably don't get enough sleep.
It gets easier I promise!

It's really tough OP, I was in a similar position. There is no easy answer other than one of you reducing your working hours. This is what I had to do to save my sanity and my health. Just make sure you look after yourself it is easy to get run down on that treadmill.

we share, and both have very short commutes. If you really have 2 hours each way, I would seriously consider moving.

I agree with everyone who says it becomes easier and that getting into a routine: up early, prepare the night before, cook ahead etc. etc. helps and things do start to run like clockwork.
However, I am now at the other end of the spectrum with 14&16 year olds and while I coped very well for 13 years things seem to have changed for me. It is still hard - I still get up early at 6am, I have to if I want to get ready and have a conversation with my children. They are good - organise themselves but still need input - have you a bus pass? remember English revision tonight, how are you getting home etc. etc. While they get bus too and from school (mostly) night time taxi service to different things means 3 evenings a week I do not eat or sit down to chill until 8 or 9pm. I am older, certainly less energy and I am finding it very difficult to cope. I was off work sick today because I feel so ill and I am sure it is exhaustion.
So, yes get into a routine and make it work - it is exhausting but remember it is for years and years so pace yourself. I know I need to make some changes at the moment, my mental health is very much being affected and I know its my own fault, taking on too much and just going into automatic mode of carrying on and not considering the impact (on me).

I can't do all the dropoffs and pickups, it's too damn much. DH does it once a week and school holidays as he's a teacher.

Always chose childcare that was either 2 min walk from my house or directly on my (driven) commute.

On sunday i prep lunches and clothes for the week.

In the week im up at 6, out the house by 7, do drop off, go to work, pick up, entertain, put to bed, cook dinner, housework, go to bed

Im on my feet for around 14hrs a day - if i didnt get the clothes and lunches ready on a sunday if be even more exhausted than i already am

lilyb84 I could have written your post 4 years ago. And that was baby no. 2!!!!! On reflection I have no idea how I actually survived and there were times when I thought it may end our marriage. Seriously.

Fast forward and here we are, parents to 2 fabulous little folk, who, sadly, are not quite so little (6 & 4).

We manage to survive by (attempting to be) super organised. Everything is written on the calendar, even down to meals. Everything is organised the night before.

In the early days I wish I had listened to other folk and taken their advice more seriously. The most important thing at this stage for you, Los is to sleep, sleep, sleep. And if that means you're going to bed every night at 8pm then so be it. And just keep telling yourself "this too shall pass.." As awful as it may seem currently, it won't be like this forever.

I'm by no means out the woods, little ones growing up brings it's own set of complications/worries, but it' definitely easier from an emotional/mental point of view. Oh yes, and I now only work 3 days a week, which made an enormous , life changing, difference to our family life.

Wishing you all the best! x

You will get in a routine and be on automatic pilot soon.

Mine are older now and in school and I have no idea how I juggled some of the nursery childcare arrangements. Or even worse the one-in-nursery-one-at-school arrangements. But it was second nature after a while.

Also I only work a 15 min drive from home, I'd struggle otherwise as dh works an hour away and because of his hours can very very rarely (once every 2 months or so) do pick up or drop off.

Organise bags/packed lunches/clothes the night before.

Batch cook some things (or just make extra portions of whatever you're already cooking), or have a M&S two dine meal once in a while to reduce cooking time on an evening.

We tend to blitz the housework between us for an hour Saturday morning - anything not done gets left til next time. We do a 5 min tidy at the end of every day, but since we work ft, and the DC are at nursery/school all day, the house doesn't get that messy during the week.

We have a washing machine with timer function so we either set it to wash overnight to peg out in the morning, or was during the day to go in the dryer when we're home.

Lower housekeeping standards a bit. Just do the essentials. Nobody died from having a dusty mantelpiece.

I try to have at least one early night during the week, as we're up at 6 and DS1 is a terrible sleeper.

Develop a serious coffee habit!

All of the tips above. Lower standards of cleaning, and planning ahead for meals, shopping etc.

I worked full time (teacher) with four but when number five came along and I split with my partner I dropped down to 3 days. My children have to be dropped off in three different places for school which takes over a hour and that plus the amount of work I had to take home on a night made it unmanageable.