To not want to date a tory?

[VladmirsPoutine]

I know you don't have to date anyone you don't want to. But I'm currently dating someone who's told me he's a tory. He's a good person and I like him but I can't really get to grips with his ideologies about things. I'm politically aware but not active iyswim? I'd basically be ending the relationship purely because he's a tory but he's not actually a bad person so I feel a bit ridiculous.

I wouldn't be with a Tory. No one who votes for Tory policies would want to share a life with me either, so it's not a problem. If DH suddenly came over all Tory we'd be over. How could I continue to love and respect and share my life with someone who'd vote for and support Tory policies? How could someone who supports Tory policies be with me?

I couldn't date for someone who applauds cuts for poor unemployed sick disabled and vulnerable, so
No YNBU.

I know what you mean. Years ago I went out with a guy for a while until he told me that he voted Labour. I'm a Tory and it was inconceivable that we would ever agree on anything so I dropped him like a hot potato.

I've been thinking more about this thread, and friends who I know (or believe may) vote Conservative - and I don't see any reason that I wouldn't date someone like them. I think we agree on the ends (greater wellbeing for the majority of the population of this country) but disagree on the means (mostly around the importance of the City and relative importance of absolute GDP vs equality/inequality)
What would be a dealbreaker for me would be someone who wasn't socially liberal (so racist / homophobic / sexist) or someone who was a kneejerk anti-scroungers type.

I'd much rather date someone who was a Tory with well thought out opinions on politics and economics as compared to someone apolitical and uninformed.

YANBU. Not in a million years could I date a Labour voter.

OP could you answer an honest question, does he live in a house or under a rock? Oh and is his skin slimey? Or is that just my opinion of tories?

YANBU. Surprised you are even asking!

I couldn't vote for someone who thinks Jeremy Corbyn and Diane Abbot are credible politicians so I suppose YANBU

*vote - date! I couldn't vote for them either though!

Depends where he stands on brexit.

Nah, political discussion with your partner should be fun- if he's open minded and can justify his arguments a bit better than 'get control back' etc etc then why not?

Tories wear jeans/blazers/shiny black shoe combos on nights out. Intolerable

Yes that's right - all 11 million of them, every single one. Bastards with their shiny shoes.

People who are saying that the discussion is old fashioned because what you vote doesn't tell you much about your real views would have a point if he had merely mentioned having once voted conservative as a swing voter, but "he told me he's a Tory" suggests that being Conservative is part of his identity and Tory is a term he himself uses as shorthand to convey who he is - that is arguably old fashioned in itself, but has set the tone for the thread. If you describe yourself as "a" Tory or "a" Green or a (what's the equivalent term for a dyed in the wool labour voter? Tory as a term hails from the age when the Liberals/ Whigs were the main opposition doesn't it?) ... a/an anything suggests that is who you are not just how you happen to have voted at the last election or who the party you currently see as best suited to government / the best of a bad lot..

Very true 5mins

Yes There is a difference between 'I voted tory' and 'I'm a tory'

I hate the constant Tory bashing on here.

Why can't people just appreciate that they live in a democracy and accept we have different views without sneering or insulting.

The worst thing in the world is those who are short of thinking and vote for a certain party, or refuse to vote for a certain party no matter what's in their manifesto. I also find stereotyping people because of their political views rather strange.

It's politics that affect real people's lives, not a football team.

I think it depends how different your views are on the subjects that are most important to you.

Personally, I would struggle to date someone long-term who was a Tory voter. That's not because I have some universal hatred of Tories: my lovely MIL votes Tory and so do plenty of my friends. If someone genuinely thinks they are doing the right thing for the country as a whole when they vote Tory and they genuinely believe that Tory policies will help the poor and vulnerable as well as the rich and powerful, then I can't dislike them for that (even if I think they are wrong).

However, the fact remains that I don't want to spend my whole life fundamentally disagreeing with my partner on all the issues I feel strongly about. I know some people thrive on having big arguments and heated debates all the time, but I'm not one of them. So I personally wouldn't expect to have a long-term relationship with a Tory, and I wouldn't expect a Tory to want a long-term relationship with me.

Similarly I couldn't have a relationship with someone who was pro-hunting, racist, homophobic or whatever (and people with those views turn up in all politic parties, in my experience). I have a couple of old friends who are pro-hunting and we avoid that topic of conversation like the plague, but I couldn't in all honesty fall in love with someone who held those views.

Very articulate dolly. On balance I'd rather leave now than let it continue. As a pp pointed out - why waste anyone's time? I'm not a hardcore leftist either, I'm more liberal but being a Tory is part of his identity. He's a lawyer and involved in politics.

DH was the political opposite to me when we first met. We got by ok. We voted the same way against Brexit, though, which surprised me, since his bastarding lot were for it. I love him despite his ridiculous politics though, because he's actually quite wonderful.

Oddly, though, as he gets older and as we've had DCs and moved away from the affluent area where he grew up (attending private school and with a ridiculous family income) he's softened on his beliefs. And having DCs has shaped how I vote and my own politics; things I'd never have dreamed of doing 15 years ago (private healthcare) are now important to my family security. So I guess I've become left-lite and he's right-lite. Perhaps that's why it works.

Never. Ditch him.

DH and I are floating voters so sometimes we do vote Tory. There I said it

derxa

as pp pointed out - why waste anyone's time?

To be fair he could probably do better as well.

By the sounds of it, if you've got one eye on the door, expecting him to go 'evil tory' on you or whatever when the novelty wears off, you'd be best off leaving the poor bugger to go find someone who hasn't slapped a best before date on him.

Sure you'd be much happier with someone you weren't preparing to dump too?

You're shallow. He deserves someone better -- a tory.

I once told my husband that I didn't mind if he turned Tory, but said I'd leave him if he 'got god'.

Unfortunately he turned into (or reverted?) a misogynist bully so I was obliged to divorce him anyway. I've since learned that he voted for Brexit, which surprised me not one bit, since he is a permanently bitter and twisted old git now.

Depends on his views and more importantly whether you are both free to adopt a differing viewpoint on key issues, perhaps have a calm and reasonable discussion, but above all be fully willing to recognise that the other has the right to have a different opinion.

Refusing to date a Tory "on principle" is moronic and offensive - you should judge people by their personality and behaviour, not by labels such as "conservative" or "socialist". Someone who dismisses anyone who feels more aligned to one political party than another is frankly no better than if I said that on principle I wouldn't date any black person, left-hander, or person from the former Yugoslavia, no matter how much I got on with them or how much chemistry there was.