To not want to date a tory?

[VladmirsPoutine]

I know you don't have to date anyone you don't want to. But I'm currently dating someone who's told me he's a tory. He's a good person and I like him but I can't really get to grips with his ideologies about things. I'm politically aware but not active iyswim? I'd basically be ending the relationship purely because he's a tory but he's not actually a bad person so I feel a bit ridiculous.

It depends on how important political opinions are to you and whether you enjoy discussing them. Can either of you disagree with each other without becoming disagreeable? For some couples it would keep things interesting but for others it would be unbearable. How would you go about it? Only you can decide this.

Maybe introduce the subject and see where it leads - if it gets unpleasant that would help you to decide. Tolerance is required - and humour.

Good person? Respects your views?

Leave the bastard.

Personally I wouldn't date anyone who didn't have the ability to see that others might have a different point of view.

Think of the fabulous conversations you will have!

At the moment we enjoy having the odd debate. It's always interesting to hear his views and so forth. It's the future that's worrying. He's never known any hardship and thinks benefits are excessive.

I have decided I am leaning nowhere Pike!

DH & I are both lefties although have slightly different opinions on some things and don't always vote the same way as each other. But we live in a safe Tory constituency - it's had a Conservative MP every year since the 50s - so a lot of my friends & acquaintances vote Tory.

Voting Tory in itself wouldn't necessarily put me off someone, it would depend more on their own views on the matters which I find important, e.g. NHS, housing benefit, PIP. I would hate to have to avoid discussing brexit certain topics with my partner, even though I do with some of my friends

I have managed to fall in love with truly ugly (physically) men, so I could probably find very attractive someone with completely different politics. Not sure the relationship could last, tbf.

OP's fellow is open-minded enough to want to be with you in spite of political differences. That's a big plus for his character, imho.

I don't think I could date or fall in love with someone whose views were the opposite of mine. I know this will probably annoy some people (and for all I know I could be wrong)... but Tory voters seem to be quite selfish in their opinions and beliefs and that would put me off. I'd rather have someone who cares about other people rather than just looking out for themselves.

I'm an American Democrat. I used to be married to a Republican, and I certainly wouldn't say that our political views contributed to our divorce but our drastically different world-views did.

I've dated a couple Republicans since but they haven't lasted. We see things too differently, and I can't reconcile myself to their social opinions. I ABSOLUTELY couldn't date a Trump-supporter. I'm having a hard enough time tolerating my friends who voted for him.

DH and I are floating voters so sometimes we do vote Tory. There I said it

I'm afraid I would be the same and I'm quite vocal with my political views so it wouldn't work if we had total opposing views. I have friends who are Tory and we have to avoid so many subjects, sometimes their views really surprise me and I'm sure mine does too. Where I live most people are UKIP or Tory so I am usually in the minority, I couldn't face that at home too.

Years ago I went out with a man - a Yank as he called himself! - who told me he was a Republican. In my total ignorance of such matters I didn't know this indicated we were politically incompatible. In fact one of the things that brought DH and me together was our common interest in left of centre politics. And I have never told DH or our sons about the Republican - I fear I'd never live it down.

OP, I don't know what you should do! But I think nowadays I'd be more particular in my choices.

I couldn't date someone whose politics were very left wing. Or someone who is a rabid Scottish nationalist, their views oppose mine so completely that we'd have nothing in common.

DH and I are very similar - slightly to the right of centre and with a loathing for Sturgeon and Salmond.

It would depend just how right wing they were and their views on particular issues. I'm quite left wing so I don't think I could tolerate it

Depends how serious it has the potential to get. If it's a bit of a fling, then who cares. If there's any danger you're going to end up getting married and having kids, I'd pull the plug sooner rather than later with someone whose personal ideology was so different from mine. Bringing up a family is hard enough without fighting each other's deep-felt values and convictions. The older I get, the more store I set by how compatible DP and I are in terms of politics, religion, values and general world-view.

It wouldn't really bother me but if it bothers you, it's a problem. And I can't help thinking that if you really liked him for all the other reasons you should, that one thing wouldn't be a dealbreaker.

Just how much of a 'tory' is he? Do you mean he just votes Conservative or that he's a paid up member of his local Conservatives Club and walks around snorting like Tory Boy (Harry Enfield & Chums - for the youngsters on here!)?

He's never known any hardship and thinks benefits are excessive

I personally couldn't go out with a Tory. My sister's right wing and we're very close but I don't live with her so we don't have to discuss politics.

She does at least know how the other half life, and would never make so ignorant a comment about benefits.

That comment alone is dumpable let alone the whole right wing nonsense that goes with it.

Yabu.

Theoretically, being left wing is a more compassionate, kind way of thinking.

In theory, most of the lefties I've known have been some of the most unpleasant people I've ever come across. They may have a compassionate world view but are often cuntish on a one to one level.

As a Tory, I would struggle to date a lefty. Not unreasonable at all.

I wouldn't and my DP and me hold similar views.
Tories aren't famous for being giving and unselfish now are they??

Wow that's a massive difference in philosophy between the Tories and the Greens.

What do you mean Tory?

Card carrying, party member, donating to the cause, dyed in the wool right winger?

Massively conflicted swing voter who voted Tory in the last election for a variety of reasons but isn't really all that right wing?

Or somewhere in the middle?

I couldn't date a completely left wing socialist or a completely right wing Conservative. Somewhere in the middle is just right. You can differ without issue I think. Either extreme and you hit difficulties.

You've disqualified yourself from "Never Kissed a Tory" T-shirts and mugs, I bet

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/feb/10/kissed-tory-marry-one-yougov-poll-relationships-political-landscape

It seems like it ought to be trivial, but it's about values isn't it? My DH and I have similar, though not identical political views and I'd find it hard to be with someone who didn't share values. However, a close mate is political activist and her H is a non-voter and they seem to manage fine by avoiding politics (I don't understand that, there's a political angle on everything!).