Page 13 | To not want to date a tory?

VladmirsPoutine · 2017-01-17T14:57:31+00:00

I know you don't have to date anyone you don't want to. But I'm currently dating someone who's told me he's a tory. He's a good person and I like him but I can't really get to grips with his ideologies about things. I'm politically aware but not active iyswim? I'd basically be ending the relationship purely because he's a tory but he's not actually a bad person so I feel a bit ridiculous.

Bejazzled · 18/01/2017 17:18

I'm not offended at all 🙂 Why would I be?

I imagine your lovely bloke would be though if he ever saw this thread, you would be hurt too if someone you thought was lovely, perfect etc had rubbished you on social media for the enjoyment of others.

MercyMyJewels · 18/01/2017 17:25

Bejazzled
"I hope he dumps you"
You are the one being vindictive . There is no way this guy would be able to work out this from what has been posted. Nor has he been rubbished. Leave the OP alone.

ManonLescaut · 18/01/2017 17:35

When people say a prospective partner is good 'on paper' it generally means that rationally they think it's good catch - without necessarily feeling it.

Do you like the idea of his education, privilege, wealth and what it could mean for your life - without really connecting with him emotionally?

I'm from the same kind of background as this man, and I have zero tolerance of Toryism in that context, he's intelligent and educated enough to know better.

You can have it all - you could find a man with all his merits, and be on the same page politically.

If he wasn't politically engaged or was a floating voter who sometimes voted Tory it would be a different matter. But someone who identifies as a Tory, is politically interested - it's a fundamental part of who he is.

You will get more and more pissed off with him as time goes by.

If he's good in bed, just enjoy it and then find a partner more on your wavelength.

Bejazzled · 18/01/2017 20:24

mercy I make my points to the persons face (inasmuch it's social media) not behind their back. That's not vindictive, it's opinion.

MercyMyJewels · 18/01/2017 20:27

Well what the fuck are you doing on here? You can't see the OP, can you?

Woo, so brave.

BitchQueen90 · 18/01/2017 20:43

I could not date a Tory. But I'm very left wing and politically active, working class, attend rallies and meetings, etc. And I work in a homeless hostel in support so even my career is centred around social issues. Personally there's no way on earth it would work.

I think it totally depends on how passionate you are about politics, if it's just a slight annoyance then see how it goes. And nothing wrong with getting good sex in while you're there 😉

Livelovebehappy · 18/01/2017 21:20

I'm a Tory; right wing, working class and have a big interest in politics. And I help out in the Samaritans and my local hospice Bitchqueen. Why would you assume that only the left have a moral compass?? And I know of lots of tories like myself who are also genuine and caring people, while knowing some lefties who would cross the road rather than buy a Big Issue. The point being that no political party has a monopoly on moral high ground.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 18/01/2017 21:42

I could not date a Tory. But I'm very left wing and politically active, working class, attend rallies and meetings, etc. And I work in a homeless hostel in support so even my career is centred around social issues. Personally there's no way on earth it would work

I know a die hard Tory who would and does work her fingers to the bone volunteering in her local community.

Takes care of her housebound neighbour even down to changing her commode on a daily basis (because the home help service is insufficient). My acquaintance is getting on herself and isn't w/o her own health challenges.

I don't think there are too many, Labour or Tory, who'd be volunteering to daily feed, toilet and change the soiled bedsheets of non relatives. But she does.

OccasionalNachos · 18/01/2017 21:46

I had some excellent sex with a Tory voter once, many years ago. Not sure I could have had a serious relationship with him, but we had some good political debates. And great sex.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 19/01/2017 02:08

I'd look at his individual views rather than him being a "Tory". Does he have any viewpoints that you find incompatible with a relationship?

From what you've said I would carry on dating him.

loobyloo1234 · 19/01/2017 09:18

What Livelovebehappy and VeryBitchyRestingFace said ^

Without de-railing the thread, why BitchQueen90 are you harping on about how holier than thou you are and presuming that only people on the left wing help out the homeless and so on? No wonder people are sick of lefty's (and I am a lefty)

RortyCrankle · 19/01/2017 10:36

BitchQueen90
I could not date a Tory. But I'm very left wing and politically active, working class, attend rallies and meetings, etc. And I work in a homeless hostel in support so even my career is centred around social issues.

I bet your halo is so huge it won't even fit through the door

I totally agree that left wingers don't have a monopoly on being caring and helpful to others, although they love to think they do.

MuseumOfCurry · 19/01/2017 10:39

I totally agree that left wingers don't have a monopoly on being caring and helpful to others, although they love to think they do.

Yes, they do.

user1478860582 · 19/01/2017 10:44

Yes they do

Except if you're Jewish.

FucksSakeSusan · 19/01/2017 10:46

I'm a militant leftie married to a Tory. I think we've both mellowed each other's politics over time, but TBH we never expected each other to change and just avoided talking about politics. I know this wouldn't work for everyone but it does for us...

MuseumOfCurry · 19/01/2017 10:49

Except if you're Jewish.

Eh?

For clarification, my 'yes they do' was confirming that liberals think they have a monopoly on general goodness.

user1478860582 · 19/01/2017 11:02

Apologies museumofcurry. I did misread yours.

Now where the bloody hell did I put my glasses.....

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 19/01/2017 12:02

so the NHS, care and volunteer sector only employs labour voters

Ok missed that on my application form

Baylisiana · 19/01/2017 14:08

I could not date a Tory. But I'm very left wing and politically active, working class, attend rallies and meetings, etc. And I work in a homeless hostel in support so even my career is centred around social issues.

I now consider myself independant, I do not support the Tories and would not support Labour either particularly in its current IRA sympathising form.

However, I will say that of the Tory voters I know, several work in the NHS including one in A and E, and many volunteer. Not one sends their children to private school, and indeed one is very anti priate schools to the point of thinking they should not exist (which isn't really Conservative but that is still how they identify and vote). Certainly several are from working class backgrounds. One is a very active campaigner for the living wage, and also volunteers much free time to help a local homeless charity in a way that involves some big challenges and quite a lot of responsibility. I think you might need to confront the fact that the reality is not always what you have been imagining.

Original poster

VladmirsPoutine · 19/01/2017 14:21

Do you like the idea of his education, privilege, wealth and what it could mean for your life - without really connecting with him emotionally?

ManonLescaut This is a very interesting point. He has the capacity to drastically change my life. I'm overthinking things as I have always done and I feel almost like a fraud and like I don't belong in the circles he moves in. We like discussing just how incredibly different we are but I sometimes feel like he likes the novelty of being with someone so different. I like it too but in terms of a future I don't know.

OP posts:

ManonLescaut · 19/01/2017 15:22

I feel almost like a fraud and like I don't belong in the circles he moves in

Well that's bollocks.

It's possible that you feel that more because he and his mates are Tories. There are plenty of people from that kind of background who are not right wing, and you might feel more at home if you were on the same page politically.

I think one can be more generous to people from different backgrounds than one's own, and chalk up to idiosyncrasies of class things that may just be character faults. Personally I find his comments about benefits ignorant and totally unacceptable. I'd be careful that you're not making too many excuses for him, thinking he doesn't know better because he went to school in a turret, when really he should. I don't have any patience with it because I grew up with it.

I'd be wary of being dazzled and waking up one day realising you're married to Boris Johnson.

user1475253854 · 19/01/2017 15:34

What a day that would be, Manon!
"I've woken up and realised I'm married to Boris Johnson - WWYD?"

Original poster

VladmirsPoutine · 19/01/2017 16:23

manon I think I could no longer go on living if that was the case.

OP posts:

Paddington68 · 19/01/2017 16:36

Good person and Tory. What a unique find.

manicinsomniac · 19/01/2017 17:37

I would date both a tory and a lefty. But I'm a liberal - does that me sort of bisexual in the world where dating is controlled by political leaning

Where did you meet? You seem to think he's so far removed from you and your lifestyle/background but you must have some common ground or you wouldn't have come across each other.

Also - lawyer, rich, attractive, good in bed, politically aware, interesting conversationalist ... I think he sounds just perfect

I have a friend who is about as active as its possible to be in the labour party without being paid to do it. Her 'type' in men tends to be posh, conventionally attractive, rich tories. Though she's more of the wild sex than the marriage and commitment type tbh.