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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to date a tory?

382 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 17/01/2017 14:57

I know you don't have to date anyone you don't want to. But I'm currently dating someone who's told me he's a tory. He's a good person and I like him but I can't really get to grips with his ideologies about things. I'm politically aware but not active iyswim? I'd basically be ending the relationship purely because he's a tory but he's not actually a bad person so I feel a bit ridiculous.

OP posts:
Somerville · 18/01/2017 12:30

Come on OP, the tory thing is just an excuse because you're falling for him scared.

Give him a chance!

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 18/01/2017 12:32

I couldn't have a long term relationship with a Tory. The fact he's told you probably means his ideologies are very important to him. If you don't share them I'd get out sooner rather than later.

Lockheart · 18/01/2017 12:35

I've voted Labour, Conservative, and Green before.

Who do I date?

squoosh · 18/01/2017 12:37

Post shag haze.

Wait till you're sitting up together at 4am watching the next General Election results roll in.

MuteButtonisOn · 18/01/2017 12:38

loobyloo1234 I know lots. Shock how very dare they.

HumphreyCobblers · 18/01/2017 12:40

I would go for it OP. You might grow into a more tolerant person as a result.

todayitstarts · 18/01/2017 12:44

Yes because Tories are known for their tolerance Grin

loobyloo1234 · 18/01/2017 12:58

loobyloo1234 I know lots. shock how very dare they.

Exactly Wink nothing to do with Corbyn, who probably voted Leave anyway

Point being, you cannot just judge a person based on which party they feel aligned to. It goes far beyond any of that. He sounds great OP ... I don't know why you're putting a barrier up over this

Lockheart · 18/01/2017 13:28

You can no more generalise all conservative voters as heartless bastards anymore than you can generalise all labour voters as well-intentioned morons. I say this as someone who's voted for both - which am I?

Perhaps it's best to take people as they come rather than try to squeeze millions of people into narrow-minded stereotypes.

Original poster
VladmirsPoutine · 18/01/2017 13:39

looby, Somerville you are both right. I am putting up a barrier. Not really sure why I am. Maybe it's because I believe he is too good to be true. He told me last night that he voted Leave and explained in confidence why he did so. I'm not bigotted and can take on board others' views without reducing them to a political vote.

OP posts:
Original poster
VladmirsPoutine · 18/01/2017 13:42

I'm feeling a bit shaky today as I hadn't planned on the shagging and he's swanned off to work with all the confidence and privilege his upbringing gave him. Perhaps I have a huge chip on my shoulder. He's your typical public school - oxbridge - law - home counties man. I'm the total opposite.

OP posts:
BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 18/01/2017 13:43

He’s rich and he’s good in the shack. I can’t for a moment imagine why you’re now looking on him more favourably…

'He's never known any hardship and thinks benefits are excessive.'

^^ They always do.

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 18/01/2017 13:44

sack!

loobyloo1234 · 18/01/2017 13:44

But does he have a good heart Vlad ... ? He can't help his background. Until he says something that is so far away from your beliefs, enjoy it Smile

SavageBeauty73 · 18/01/2017 13:47

I read it as Tony and thought poor Tony.

I would struggle dating a Tory but if he was amazing and didn't rant on about politics, I could probably get over it.

Original poster
VladmirsPoutine · 18/01/2017 13:54

looby yes! He's just fucking brilliant. But he has this sense of self-assuredness, confidence and pride that I've personally never had. I've read a lot about entitlement on MN and I think he has it. He basically has never had to struggle and always had the best opportunities and the best advantages that life could offer. I didn't have anything remotely close to that. On the contrary my life was fucking hard.

OP posts:
MercyMyJewels · 18/01/2017 14:00

Again, you really need to discuss this over dinner to be sure. There's a nice little fish restaurant in London called Scotts..... Some fresh oysters to get things stirred up a bit perhaps?

Or maybe some good French food, but it's a bit of a drive through a long tunnel Grin

BillSykesDog · 18/01/2017 14:10

I could definitely date someone with different politics, but never, ever someone who was unable to respect the fact that others held different views or accept it when their views are not dominant ones. People like that on the left love to present themselves as doing it because they are so 'good' and 'virtuous' but they're not. That way lies conflict and civil war

My husband comes from a country where there is conflict and is quite firmly on one side of that conflict. However he is more committed to peaceful solutions than he is to getting his own way. He has deliberately sought out friends on the opposite side of the divide who are some of his closest. In his opinion talking and trying to understand the points of views of others, finding what you have in common and accepting that in some places you differ and trying to find fair solutions is the key.

I worry about politics in this country because there appear to be sections that believe their viewpoint should be imposed regardless of whether or not it is wanted, and those who oppose it are worthless and evil. And when those viewpoints start to gain a strong foothold, it very often ends incredibly badly.

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 18/01/2017 14:23

OP just enjoy the sex and let go of the angst. It's not like he's asked you to marry him!

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 18/01/2017 14:28

He has deliberately sought out friends on the opposite side of the divide who are some of his closest. In his opinion talking and trying to understand the points of views of others, finding what you have in common and accepting that in some places you differ and trying to find fair solutions is the key.

Somewhere like NI I assume? I'd imagine most people in NI have friends from 'the other side'. Just as mixed relationships are nothing out of the ordinary either. But I’d bet that most of those people from differing backgrounds generally hook up with someone who shares the same social values as them. Or the same commitment to peace. I can't imagine a committed left leaning Alliance voter getting together with a Nigel Dodds type.

MargaretCavendish · 18/01/2017 14:52

he's swanned off to work with all the confidence and privilege his upbringing gave him. Perhaps I have a huge chip on my shoulder. He's your typical public school - oxbridge - law - home counties man.

I don't think you have a massive chip on your shoulder, but I do think you're letting previous experiences and more general preconceptions influence your view of this particular man. Did he really 'swan off to work with confidence and privilege'? Or did he 'go to work'?

Personally, I think the fact that he seems unaware of his own luck is a valid thing to dislike, but just the fact that he has been lucky isn't.

I would also point out that he's obviously still going to be at the stage of trying to impress you, which could mean he'll turn out to be more obnoxious further down the line, but could just as well mean that he's exaggerating his own self-assurance, as many of us do when meeting new people.

HookandSwan · 18/01/2017 14:55

Your perfectly entitled to your opinions. I for example probably wouldn't date a labour supporter....

Bejazzled · 18/01/2017 15:32

He's just frankly great. He's intelligent, able to hold a conversation, respectful, charming, kind, rich as fuck and a great shag

He's just fucking brilliant

He's pretty much everything I want on paper.

He so deserves to be unwittingly held up for public scrutiny and ripped apart on social media, (not) What an absolute bastard of a man.

I think your thread is unkind to say the least.
I would hate to find out that my friend or brother had been treated like you are treating him. Hope he dumps you.

Original poster
VladmirsPoutine · 18/01/2017 15:36

Bejazzled I really didn't mean to offend with the thread. It's more my own personal internal thought process that I have shared. I didn't seek to come across as mean or vindictive. I apologise if that's the case.

OP posts:
MercyMyJewels · 18/01/2017 16:58

Some people are easily offended OP. Hope you have fun, he sounds nice. But you know, he was brought up to be a Tory, but it isn't fixed, you could always convert him Grin. Or be converted