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Original poster

Bully and party invite

339 replies

bonnieweelass · 17/01/2017 12:52

My DD is going to be 9 in a few weeks and is at school in scotland. There are two classes for her age group due to pupil numbers and every year they tend to change pupils around. There's another wee girl (let's call her jenny) who until this year, with the exception of primary 1, has been in the other class.

Jenny has taken a real dislike to my DD this year. Kicking, pulling hair, shouting, scratching. DD has not yet retaliated but I worry it will happen as she's getting more wound up by jenny.

Jenny's mum until this year was a teacher at the school but now teaches elsewhere.

I've spoken to the school twice now both by phone and by letter. Most recent call was yesterday so will see if anything changes. Both girls were spoken to apparently but Jenny refused to apologise or shake hands DD tells me.

However DD has given out her party invites. I told her not to exclude Jenny because she needs to be kind even if Jenny is not. DH number on the invite and we've just had this text from Jenny's mum:

"I am texting you with regards to the invitation we have received to your child's party. Jenny will not be attending this party".

I'm a bit Hmm as there's no "thank you" or "sorry" and it's all really formal, not even mentioning DDs name which she knows having taught DD two years ago.

DH has not replied, he's just shrugged his shoulders and said "tossers".

What do MNetters think?

OP posts:
DavetheCat2001 · 17/01/2017 14:36

I'd probably text back Great, glad to hear it. Thanks for letting me know! but then I often act on impulse and a text like that would fire up my temper.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 17/01/2017 14:36

OP it's policy not to tell you, I think, in most schools anyway. I do think this is a bit pointless though as once they get to a certain age the DCs tell you anyway! Grin

I really do understand your sentiment but the onus isn't on you or your DC to disprove that. As tempting as it'd be to text back something witty it may land you in trouble with the school inadvertently. You've offered the olive branch and I commend you for that because I certainly wouldn't have done. You've already done more than you needed to in the first place.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 17/01/2017 14:37

Didn't want to give Jenny or her mum any reason to accuse dd of bullying

Op you need to stop worrying about being unkind to Jenny or worrying what her or her mother think of your dd and start teaching your dd that she doesn't have to put her bullys feeling before her own.

Let the mother off and don't reply to the text, she either already thinks it's your dd that is the bully or else she is wondering why someone accusing her dd of bullying is inviting her dd to a party, that text is one of confusion, I actually understand why she would be confused to be honest

OldGuard · 17/01/2017 14:47

two sides to every story

VladmirsPoutine · 17/01/2017 14:58

I'd text back something very PA. The more PA the better. "Thanks, wonderful news!"

SoupDragon · 17/01/2017 15:01

Why would anyone behave like a twat when you have no idea what the other side of the story is? Confused

Januaryshiver · 17/01/2017 15:02

I don't actually get what's so rude about the text she sent. She's clearly trying to be formal (perhaps so as not to escalate the situation) and I would think she is aware that you don't want her daughter there. Surely that's better than not responding at all.

CripsSandwiches · 17/01/2017 15:05

It's not like Jenny will have told her mum that she's been bullying your daughter. As far as Jenny's mum's concerned her little girl is probably being harassed by your DD and making up lies about her to the school. She was probably surprised to get the invite. I wouldn't respond at all. Obviously it's far better for your DD that Jenny isn't at her party so it's win-win.

LagunaBubbles · 17/01/2017 15:17

two sides to every story

Not always.

loobyloo1234 · 17/01/2017 15:18

I'd be texting back "thank fuck for that" Grin

NavyandWhite · 17/01/2017 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 17/01/2017 15:27

loobyloo1234 Grin

incogKNEEto · 17/01/2017 15:28

I would probably impulsively sent back 'Good' but l think no response all is best! At least your dd can enjoy her party now.

misshelena · 17/01/2017 15:50

January -- are you trying to be contrarian for fun? The text is rude, by most ppl's standard. If that's the way you text/talk in real life, then you too are considered a rude person by most ppl you know.

lottieandmia · 17/01/2017 15:57

I assume this child does not have SEN? That kind of behaviour is very unusual in a year 9 old girl. Most girls are very sly about how they bully. Both are bad in different ways but hitting, kicking, scratching and pulling hair is something that I would expect a child to be suspended for if they didn't have SEN.

YouTheCat · 17/01/2017 16:03

I expect this isn't being dealt with effectively by the school because the mum used to work there and the staff know her.

If this girl has no additional needs, I'd be informing the school that you will bring in the police once the child hits the age of criminal responsibility. See how fast they move to do something then.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 17/01/2017 16:07

I'd go to the school and ask to have your DD or Jenny put in separate classes as the staff are clearly not competent in keeping your DD physically safe.

I'm glad the teacher gave such a rude reply. You are not absolved of any guilt in the matter and can go ahead and cut Jenny out of any future invitations.

FurryLittleTwerp · 17/01/2017 16:11

If Jenny had gone to the party, she may well have been observed being nasty to OP's DD in front of everyone & Jenny's mummy might have had to have faced a few home truths in public

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 17/01/2017 16:14

I'd be texting back "thank fuck for that"

You beat me to it Looby Grin

OP, I think that teaching your daughter to take the moral high ground and not respond in kind is great.

WaitrosePigeon · 17/01/2017 16:16

I would be very tempted to text back a very sarcastic PA reply, but I am petty like that.

CommunionHelp · 17/01/2017 16:22

That message would bring out my PA side, I'm afraid.

'Okay, great! Thanks :)' might satisfy me.

8misskitty8 · 17/01/2017 16:40

Dd1 at the same age (9) was bullied by a girl in her class. Name calling, nipping. Did it slyly so not always seen. Made dd1 s life a misery at school. I was back and forth to school about it. Bullies parents didn't care.

I didn't invite the bully to her 9th party and later her 11th. She terrorised her at school so why should I invite her ? She was the only one not invited, couldn't care what anyone thinks.

Be thankful op that the mum declined the invite. Next time don't even invite her.

angeldelightedme · 17/01/2017 16:42

There are 2 sides to every story. You believe your DD and J's mum by the same token will believe her own DD

If Jenny's mum was at the school until a few months ago she is in the best position to know what the truth of the matter is

OldGuard · 17/01/2017 17:10

What a lot of vipers

We are talking about two 9 year old girls

If the school isn't preventing this from happening, id be doing two things (1) escalating at school including photographing scratches etc and documenting every occurrence in writing and (2) I'd be calling the girls mum (and yes I have done this before for my son) to talk it through - it's effective if you do it with maturity and with the attitude that both girls and growing and learning and yes there are two sides always (even if you don't agree with what the other side says)

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 17/01/2017 17:12

If Jenny's mum was at the school until a few months ago she is in the best position to know what the truth of the matter is

She's also capable of not seeing/believing what her child is doing.