Bully and party invite

[bonnieweelass]

My DD is going to be 9 in a few weeks and is at school in scotland. There are two classes for her age group due to pupil numbers and every year they tend to change pupils around. There's another wee girl (let's call her jenny) who until this year, with the exception of primary 1, has been in the other class.

Jenny has taken a real dislike to my DD this year. Kicking, pulling hair, shouting, scratching. DD has not yet retaliated but I worry it will happen as she's getting more wound up by jenny.

Jenny's mum until this year was a teacher at the school but now teaches elsewhere.

I've spoken to the school twice now both by phone and by letter. Most recent call was yesterday so will see if anything changes. Both girls were spoken to apparently but Jenny refused to apologise or shake hands DD tells me.

However DD has given out her party invites. I told her not to exclude Jenny because she needs to be kind even if Jenny is not. DH number on the invite and we've just had this text from Jenny's mum:

"I am texting you with regards to the invitation we have received to your child's party. Jenny will not be attending this party".

I'm a bit as there's no "thank you" or "sorry" and it's all really formal, not even mentioning DDs name which she knows having taught DD two years ago.

DH has not replied, he's just shrugged his shoulders and said "tossers".

What do MNetters think?

Keep an eye on things??

Get her out of that school before the campaign against her grows. This happened to me and it ruined my life.

Campaign??

Bonnie,
You can continue to take the "moral high ground" and be the "bigger person", but just know that your dd will continue to pay for your grand gestures.

Or you can rescue her now and put a stop to this bullying.

I very much doubt that the incidents are even related. Pushing, name calling etc happens all the time in schools. The best thing to is to teach your kids strategies to deal with low level stuff like this and be resilient rather than parents running to the school every 2 minutes.

And a child who there has never been any issue with before being mean on one day (with no indication 'Jenny' was involved) is not bullying. It's not nice but crying bullying at every incident will not encourage the school to take you seriously.

I was bullied as a child. The school didn't do anything. My parents didn't fight that hard to make the school do anything. I was told to just ignore the bullies.

It didn't make me resilient, it made my life hell. I ended up with depression and social anxiety and I am still extremely guarded when it comes to making friends and trusting people,

I wouldn't have invited Jenny either, fuck being the bigger person. If someone assaulted me now, no way would they be coming to my birthday party.

If it were my child I'd be marching into school demanding that something is done to resolve this, I don't care if that makes me a helicopter parent.

It's not clear from Jenny's mum's reply whether she knows what's been going on or she's been fed a line that Jenny is the one being bullied. I'd want to make sure she knows the truth.

Bonnie -- trust your own instinct. You are in the best position to judge whether or not this latest incident is related to Jenny's bullying of your dd or not. We, the posters, are all just randoms with no skin on the line and don't even know anyone involved.

But none of us know on here whether the op's dd is being bullied or whether she is being involved in normal playground disagreements and giving her mother one side of it. Genuine bullying is awful but kids can fall out, say things that aren't nice, push past etc without it always being bullying. Even if the op did put her child in a different school sometimes kids aren't nice and a different school would have the same issue.
I'd say my 2 kids hear not nice things said to them most days by other kids. They aren't upset by it. They just play with the nicer kids. They'll report it to a teacher if anyone is being particularly annoying. Occasionally a child will lash out at one of mine at school - they will tell a teacher and the other child is spoken to/disciplined as per school policy. These things happen in every school. Running in to speak to the head at the slightest issue just denies your child the opportunity to solve problems for themselves (with support from you if necessary) and eventually the school will just tune you out.

Bonnie, but this is what happens when you "side" with the bully against your own dd -- you embolden the bully's friends to gang up on the victim. There are no consequences, not even with the victim's mom, so why not?? Little clever Poppy here is showing allegiance to Jenny by being mean to your dd. I hope you know this.

I agree.

My mother and I have butted heads over the years, but the one time she truly came through for me was when a psycho bitch in high school started bullying me. Regardless of the clashes we've had, I've always been confident of the fact she'd rather have chopped her own arm off than allow/invite my bully into my private life. That means/meant everything to me.

I'd be uninviting Poppy to the party now too.

Sod Jenny - maybe it'll make her think about her behaviour and how she treats others. When they're back at school after the party and talking about their fun, she'll feel left out, hopefully it will teach her a lesson. However I am at 9 year olds scratching and pulling hair!!! What type of school tolerates that, never mind making BOTH of them shake hands?!?! At our school Jenny would've been sent home, parents in for a meeting and made to write an apology to your DD- shocking behaviour from school too

My Dd was properly bullied in year 2. Kids she didn't know seeking her out to mock a physical characteristic she can't help. She didn't want to tell me but it came out "why are they so mean to me mummy I am not mean to them."I did not invite these children to her next party .

Complained to school - teacher did a talk to class about being nice. Hopeless these kids weren't even in her class. So I approached the bullies parents, wrote to them. The parents went mental at me and their kids. A massive fuss was made. The head rang to tell me off for approaching parents. Some parents cried. I didn't make any friends...Dd has never been bullied since. Too much hassle you see. They know if they bully her a shower of shit comes down and it's not worth it so presumably moved on to someone with a "nice" mother...