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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - To feel sad and disappointed about my baby shower?

300 replies

user1483385529 · 17/01/2017 06:38

I'll start off by saying I'm pregnant and emotional and probably overthinking this but....

My sister kindly offered to throw me a baby shower at the end of Jan (DS1 is due in Feb). I gave her a list of people to invite in early Dec. Everyone has said they can't come except two colleagues, two neighbours (who are a couple) with one of their mums that I know, my mum and sister (MIL lives up North and can't make it down). Now bearing in mind people had notice and I only have a couple of friends with children, AIBU to be feeling very unpopular that hardly anyone is coming? I just feel like calling it off but I know my sister will have put effort in, but it's really upset me. To give a bit of back ground I've never had lots of friends, I'm quite a home bird but I just thought those people I did class as friends would make the effort (I do live about an hours drive away from some of them and others would have to get the tube). AIBU and should I stop crying over this?

OP posts:
mum2Bomg · 17/01/2017 06:54

Stealth - I think it's he cheesy activities that seem to take place. Decorating baby grows etc...

RacoonBandit · 17/01/2017 06:54

YABU to cry over this.
I would not go to my friends baby shower but that does not mean I don't like them it means I don't like baby showers. I would much rather take a gift round after the baby is born and offer support when it was more likely to be needed.

redexpat · 17/01/2017 06:55

Well you can go and focus your attention on the people who said yes. It is a baby shower and as the pps show, many simply dont rate them as important. If the same happened for your birthday then you would I think have a more valid point.

StealthPolarBear · 17/01/2017 06:55

Hmm and yet I tend to find everyone but me adores crafty stuff. I don't get the current obsession with crafts as hobbies at all. But I'd give it a go with good grace.

chocolatespiders · 17/01/2017 06:56

Cancel it and just have afternoon tea or a nice meal.
Life is too short to do something you don't really want to do.

If people take a gift to baby shower do they buy again once baby is born? I have never been to one.

KateDaniels2 · 17/01/2017 06:56

I am sorry your sister cant havr children. However that doesnt mean you jave to go along with whatever she wants.

You don't want a shower, people dont want to attend or soend two hours travelling for it. Why do it?

Patienceisvirtuous · 17/01/2017 06:56

Yeah cancel and go for afternoon tea with mum 'n sis.

I agree, showers are just a 'please turn up bearing a gift for me' event. Not most people's idea of fun. Also I turned down several while going through years of miscarriages/infertility - maybe your friends have their reasons for not attending?

Congratulations on your imminent arrival :)

mirokarikovo · 17/01/2017 06:58

Exactly what Booklover said - it's not YOU that is unpopular, but the baby shower. It isn't part of our culture and most people see them as inappropriate and tacky, and would rather send you a gift after your baby's safe arrival.

It's lovely that your sister wants to arrange a party for you but could you just have a party without it being a baby shower?

BumWad · 17/01/2017 07:00

Tacky - they're doing you a favour. Just cancel it

SkyLucy · 17/01/2017 07:01

Ah OP, I would just cancel and do something lovely with my sister and mum. If you're upset already it really might not be worth it!

Also, I would ignore all the PPs here who think it's okay to put their feelings about the 'type' of event over their feelings for a friend. It's cruel and pretentious. I don't like baby showers much but that means I wouldn't have one...not that I would refuse to go to one on principle! I am an atheist but I still go to christenings etc. when invited too...it's about supporting and celebrating with friends, however they choose to do so.

Enjoy whatever you do and best of luck with the arrival of your baby. I'm due with my first in Feb too - not long now! SmileFlowers

Maverickismywingman · 17/01/2017 07:03

I hate baby showers.
I hate bringing a gift before the baby is born.
I hate having to ooh and ahh over a baby that isn't here yet.
I hate playing the silly "guess the name/weight/gender" games.

So rather than your friends "not liking you" maybe they just hate "baby showers".

Gallavich · 17/01/2017 07:04

It's because it's a baby shower. I wouldn't prioritise a baby shower unless it was a very good friend and was only going to be attended by very good friends.

manhowdy · 17/01/2017 07:05

I got asked if I was having a baby shower by a (foreign) friend.

Answer: FUCK NO.

That should give you some idea of how most people view them in the UK!

Gallavich · 17/01/2017 07:06

I wouldn't sit at home on principle rather than going to a baby shower (actually I probably would if it was more than an hour away) but I wouldn't cancel other plans/organise childcare for one.

SemiNormal · 17/01/2017 07:06

I never had one and would never attend one. Sorry they're really not to my taste and I would dislike feeling 'forced' to gift something, I usually buy something for baby that I can take when on the first visit.

Original poster
user1483385529 · 17/01/2017 07:07

I totally get how they are mainly viewed in the U.K, however my thinking was like SkyLucy's, if I got invited to one I would go because I wouldn't want to let the friend down.

OP posts:
londonrach · 17/01/2017 07:09

Its not you, its the baby showerg. Im Another one who doesnt like baby showers and if invited i would never give a gift as view it as bad luck prior to birth and i wouldnt want to bring bad luck. Better a celebration after the birth where your family and friends can enjoy cuddling the new born and pampering you. Can your sister and mum go out for lunch with you somewhere special prior to birth instead.

Good luck op, you soon have a new born to cuddle x

Mindtrope · 17/01/2017 07:09

OP it depends on how authentic you want to be with your friends.

A baby shower would make my teeth curl.
I would rather not go than sit though a few hours with a fake smile on my face pretending it was all fun.

loopylulu80 · 17/01/2017 07:11

I've been to two and one was good fun as my mum hosted it for my sisters best friend so there were a few sneaky glasses of bubbly for me. The other one was ok, best bit was the cake.

I'm not fussed about them, I'd rather wait until baby arrives so I can give a present then as I feel if you give a present after birth you are guaranteed baby cuddles Wink lol

I also think it's bad luck to buy cards and presents until baby arrives safely.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 17/01/2017 07:15

My MIL wouldn't let us have the pram in the house until the baby was born, I think she'd have imploded at the thought of a baby shower, they must be the superstitious equivalent of setting up home under a ladder!

At least you know it's the event, not you OP. You'll get loads of visitors and gifts once your baby is born.

Whocansay · 17/01/2017 07:17

I'd ask her exactly what she put on the invitation too. Some of them can be incredibly grabby, asking people for money for hosting the event, as well as gifts for mum AND baby.

Also, bear in mind that they are not the done thing for everyone. Personally, I find them a bit crass.

paulapantsdown · 17/01/2017 07:18

I'd be busy too if invited to a shower. Ridiculous events. You are not American! Go out for a nice lunch with your sister instead.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 17/01/2017 07:23

7 is a perfectly fine size for a shower - after all they were always meant to be about nearest and dearest showering you with gifts to mark the rite of passage into maternity.

Now, it's disappointing that those attending doesn't map perfectly to those you feel are closest. But you can still have a absolutely normal sized shower. I wouldn't call it off.

SheldonCRules · 17/01/2017 07:24

I hate baby showers so wouldn't go either, I think they are tacky and grasping. People then feel obliged to purchase yet another gift when the baby arrives.

Original poster
user1483385529 · 17/01/2017 07:24

Interesting that it can be considered unlucky to give a gift or card before the birth, I'd not heard of that before. My sister just st text everyone with the date, time and location, no mention of gifts or money etc. I'd much rather just go out for lunch but I'm afraid my sister may have spent money on a cake or games etc.

OP posts: