AIBU - To feel sad and disappointed about my baby shower?

[user1483385529]

I'll start off by saying I'm pregnant and emotional and probably overthinking this but....

My sister kindly offered to throw me a baby shower at the end of Jan (DS1 is due in Feb). I gave her a list of people to invite in early Dec. Everyone has said they can't come except two colleagues, two neighbours (who are a couple) with one of their mums that I know, my mum and sister (MIL lives up North and can't make it down). Now bearing in mind people had notice and I only have a couple of friends with children, AIBU to be feeling very unpopular that hardly anyone is coming? I just feel like calling it off but I know my sister will have put effort in, but it's really upset me. To give a bit of back ground I've never had lots of friends, I'm quite a home bird but I just thought those people I did class as friends would make the effort (I do live about an hours drive away from some of them and others would have to get the tube). AIBU and should I stop crying over this?

[Bantanddec]

The baby shower is unpopular not you! A lot of people see them as tacky as a way for the expectant mum to get free stuff! Just have a lovely pamper day with your sister!

[jcne]

I personally think baby showers are pretty gross, tacky and grabby and unless they were an exceptional friend (unlikely as if my exceptional friends and my ridiculous friends who think baby showers are important for their self worth were a vent diagram the two circles do not overlap) I would do my best to be far away at the particular date and time. How smart are your friends?

[Lunar1]

The only baby shower I've got involved in was for my friends American wife. She felt really isolated and homesick when she got pregnant in the uk, so all our friend circle got together and after a lot of googling held a baby shower. It was lots of fun to do this for someone who would have missed out on one of her traditional rites of passage.

When the baby arrived we all took frozen home cooked meals when the baby arrived and we visited. There was no expectations of a second gift. I wouldn't go to one otherwise. It's not a reflection of you, don't worry.

[hellejuice91]

If people have had enough notice - they really should be making the effort. Of course, when you arrange any event, there are going to be people who genuinely cannot make it.

I don't really agree with the comments that say 'I don't like baby showers so I wouldn't go.'.. In my opinion there are certain occassions in life that you should go just to make someone else happy. One of these is your baby shower.

You ANBU to feel disappointed, however I wouldn't end friendships or fall out over it - they may have real reasons why they can't come.

[haveacupoftea]

Dont feel unpopular - god if i had a baby shower there would only be about 4 people there too. I think thats more usual than vast groups of people at parties tbh except it obv isnt the 'thing' to show off a small party on facebook or whatever.

[effingloveshowers]

If I knew someone having a baby, I'd go to their shower - even if I didn't know them super well. I love to support other women. It's not "grabby or tacky". I am American, this is how we support others. It's not like we get paid maternity leave here. Some of you ladies need to learn to be nice to each other. It's not that hard. Don't be so jealous of the new mom.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

Don't be so jealous of the new mom.

Point me to anyone who has said or implied they are 'jealous of the new mum'

[mustbetimeforacreamtea]

I think they are so unpopular because they are seen as grabby. The last two I heard about were held after the baby had arrived. Both occasions the babies had arrived early. One was held the day after the baby arrived home (brave mum!) and just became an opportunity for everyone to meet the new arrival. The other was held several weeks after the birth. Most people had given gifts after the birth but the new mum was insistent on not missing out on a baby shower and another round of gifts

[StrangeLookingParasite]

Don't be so jealous of the new mom.

What a silly thing to say. Quite a few of us don't care to import American culture unquestioningly.

[BabySharkAteMyHamster]

Just do tea and cakes instead.

[MaryShelley1818]

ZOMBIE THREAD!!!!!!!

Obviously for someone just to promote a website!

[dancinfeet]

YABU to be disappointed - this implies that you have some kind of expectation to begin with, baby showers are a load of shite and are for the grabby. Presents from extended family and friends should be given once the baby is born as a welcome, and at the buyer's discretion. Exception being that very close family members may send nursery gifts in advance. I have already told my DDs that if they decide to have kids not to expect me to attend any kind of baby shower as it's a load of bollocks and just an excuse to expect more.

[Twotailed]

I understand your disappointment. I think that because baby showers aren’t such a tradition here people don’t prioritise them. That’s understandable but can feel a shame for you!

It sounds like you still have a good crowd though, so I would focus on enjoying it with the people who are there when the time comes.

Good luck with your pregnancy and baby.

[TheViceOfReason]

Baby showers are awful. And i suspect that the fact most of your friends don't have children is WHY they aren't coming. They may well be good friends, supportive and interested to an extent in your child once born, but there is nothing so tedious as a baby themed "party" to someone without kids.

[TheViceOfReason]

Goddammit, didn't see it was a bloody zombie thread

[Buxtonstill]

Oh lord that website is awful. How grabby.

[nellieellie]

A baby shower to me is a bit of a non event. I wouldn’t put myself out to go to one unless a really close friend. But I don’t think any of my close friends are the sort of people to have one. I’m certainly not. Nor have I ever been to one come to think of it. For someone to travel down some distance, definitely a no no, Id imagine. I just see them as a vaguely commercial, American invention. Fine to have a little pre baby gathering with best mates or close family who live nearby, but other than that.....

[nellieellie]

Oops!

[DontCallMeCharlotte]

As my sister got excited (she can't have kids)

That's interesting. I can't have kids and this is precisely the reason I wouldn't go.

Also, is it on a weekday? Even with this much notice, I have no spare annual leave left so would be unable to make it anyway.

But for you OP.

[DontCallMeCharlotte]

Balls.

[Snowymountainsalways]

I find baby showers weird and would much rather celebrate the birth of an actual baby. I have been to something similar, but they didn't use the word baby shower, she is a close friend, and it was a good excuse for a nice lunch and get together. I wouldn't be venturing out for an hours drive in the middle of the winter to do this if I am honest though. The lunch was quick and five minutes away.

Don't take it personally, your friends probably intend to make the drive and see you when the baby arrives.

Organise something small with your sister only. A spa day or similar and have a nice time!

[NervousPotato]

I personally didn’t want one as no one in my family ever had one… but my OH’s family and friends all do them so I was kind of pressured into planning one when we had ours, but I didn’t mind because it was clear that so many people wanted to throw me one and it was actually quite sweet of them. It took me a while but luckily my family were quite excited and his family planned the whole thing (as I didn’t have a clue what is normal for a baby shower!) and it was a really fun afternoon.

So it does depend on what is normal for your friends/fam, as it is generally still quite a ‘weird’ party to throw in England. But stick with it, can you not invite anyone else?

[slashlover]

Zombie thread and the bumpers entire post history is pimping that crappy website so reported.

[MaggieSimpsonsPacifier]

Reported as spam.

Hope OP and her now toddler are well!