AIBU - To feel sad and disappointed about my baby shower?

[user1483385529]

I'll start off by saying I'm pregnant and emotional and probably overthinking this but....

My sister kindly offered to throw me a baby shower at the end of Jan (DS1 is due in Feb). I gave her a list of people to invite in early Dec. Everyone has said they can't come except two colleagues, two neighbours (who are a couple) with one of their mums that I know, my mum and sister (MIL lives up North and can't make it down). Now bearing in mind people had notice and I only have a couple of friends with children, AIBU to be feeling very unpopular that hardly anyone is coming? I just feel like calling it off but I know my sister will have put effort in, but it's really upset me. To give a bit of back ground I've never had lots of friends, I'm quite a home bird but I just thought those people I did class as friends would make the effort (I do live about an hours drive away from some of them and others would have to get the tube). AIBU and should I stop crying over this?

[ComputerUserNumptyTwit]

I really don't understand MN's loathing of baby showers. They might not be traditional in the UK, but they're a lovely idea. Unless you're talking about gift lists consisting of solid gold cribs bedecked with drapes spun from unicorn tears, what's not to love about getting together to treat a woman about to become a mother?

However people's vitriol towards them explains the refusals you've had - don't take it personally.

[ohtheholidays]

Poor OP already said she's pregnant and been crying and then half the posts on here chose to have ago at her,nice!

From what you said there will be 7 of you OP,is that right?

Honestly that is plenty!I've been to baby showers before and each one there was between 10 and 7 people and it honestly was plenty and they were good fun and everyone at them had a good time.

With the people that aren't coming you said they're an hour away and if they have DC themselves it's must probably is to do with child care for they're own children,try not to take it to heart and enjoy your baby shower that your lovely sister is throwing for you.

[user1483385529]

Thanks to everyone for your opinions. I've had a pep talk from Mum, sister and a friend this morning who have cheered me up no end. I'm putting it down to pregnancy hormones lol I'm going to go ahead as those who are coming are looking forward to a get together & as my mum pointed out, I only have so many chairs in my house so in fact the perfect number are coming! :)

[LunaLoveg00d]

what's not to love about getting together to treat a woman about to become a mother

Because it seems very weird to celebrate something which hasn't happened yet. I don't think anyone would have a problem with a "coffee and cake" party or a brunch in the mother's house or any other get together with friends.

It's the naff and tacky games, tacky decorations and cakes which differentiate the "shower". As well as the unspoken requirement to bring gifts.

[LunaLoveg00d]

Oh and unless it's a VERY close friend or relative, other people's babies aren't that interesting.

[expatinscotland]

I've been to loads having grown up in America. But tbh I don't like buying gifts until the baby arrives. In America, too, you'd never get an invitation demanding money to pay for the hosting, a charge to attend, etc. The concept's become a bit warped here. If I were invited to one that involved a lot of travel, I'd probably just send a gift along.

[Yura]

Nothing wrong with celebrating the mum (think lunch, cakes etc), but an unborn baby? with presents that if something goes wrong make the pain even worse? no way!

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

Talk to your sister.
Find out how much effort she has invested in the Baby Shower.
Ask her to be truthful to you (some might want to under sell what they have done or prepared in order for it to be a surprise)
If you have an option, I'd recommend getting your mum, sister and whoever else was going to be there to book into a spa for a few treatments instead.
You'll enjoy it more and be far more relaxed before your due date.

Congrats and enjoy these last few weeks!

[waterrat]

I think a get together to celebrate a woman becoming a mother is a lovely idea. No idea why the hatred of them is so strong. I had one and no gifts involved! I told people just to come drink and eat with me, we all had a lovely catch up before i vanished into the land of newborn baby madness.

I think it's horrible if people would deliberately not go to the event of their friend - just go and celebrate something that is important to your friend. They don't have to be grabby, they are about a last chance get together before the baby comes.

[Pestopinenuts]

OP dont feel bad, it is not you, it is the shower.

People have spent lots of money over Christmas and most people dont like b showers

My friend wanted to throw one for me but I declined. I am not grabby and I dont like all the attention on me. (I am NOT saying this is why people have them, I actually enjoy going to other people' showers because there is much cake

Just have a day out/ afternoon tea with sister and the ones that said they want to come.

[Crispmonster1]

Baby showers are an American thing. I think they are a bit silly and attention seeking. If it's not what you want I really wouldn't bother. I didn't have one for any of my pregnancies as it's for myself and my partner to celebrate. Not anyone else!

[StrangeLookingParasite]

I also find the concept of a social event constructed purely for giving gifts to be a little crass.

Yes, I definitely agree with this. In the US it seems every occasion has been commercialised to guilt people into buying things.

[RebelandaStunner]

I wouldn't go to a baby shower.
I only buy new baby gifts for siblings and my oldest friend dc anyway.
I think they are grabby nonsense.

[MrsDrSpencerReid]

Wow, I had no idea that baby showers were so hated in the UK

I love baby showers! Been to loads! I love spoiling a friend or relative about to become a mum for the first time We always have a great time.
My SIL's organised mine, they put on a beautiful afternoon tea, we decorated singlets and bodysuits (DD is 10 and still loves pulling them out to look at) and played hilarious games. They got my mum and MIL to write out a bunch of crazy/funny things DH and I done as toddlers and then everyone had to guess who did what. I'd been sick with hyperemesis my whole pregnancy so it was so good to be surrounded by friends and family, laughing til we cried.

I've never been to a baby shower that wasn't fun, you'll have a lovely afternoon OP

[MrsDrSpencerReid]

Oh and we don't do a second round of gifts once baby arrives, everyone just pops into the hospital or home for baby cuddles

[TheElephantofSurprise]

A baby shower is an American idea where people give a pregnant woman presents for the baby, isn't it?

Grabbing. Nasty. I don't blame anyone who doesn't get involved. You've been misled into wanting one of these events.

I wish you well with your baby, and hope when s/he comes, people are wonderfully generous.

[mrsBeverleygoldberg]

Personally I think baby showers are an American thing and a bit grabby for presents. I'd be busy too.
It's not that people don't like you it's probably because they don't like baby showers.

[Crowdblundering]

I must say I have 3 children and I never had a baby shower - this has only been in the last 10 years or so - it's so American (like bloody the fanfare ameveruone now makes about Halloween) and so commercial. There is no way Ibwoukd go to one as I am firmly in the camp of giving a gift when a healthy baby has arrived.

Maybe this might be an indication of who will be there for you when the baby arrives and unfortunately it's inevitable you will lose some friendships along the way when you become a parent.

[Cakingbad]

I've never been to a baby shower, but I wouldn't describe a tea party where close friends bring presents for an imminent baby as grabbing and nasty. I can think of nastier things.

[RusholmeRuffian]

Don't take it personally. I would pretend to be busy to avoid going to anyone's baby shower. Just not my idea of fun.

[cauliflowercheese14]

Tacky and grabby sums it up. I'd make my excuses.

[ComputerUserNumptyTwit]

We don't like people organising nice occasions on MN, MrsDrSpencer - see also proms, weddings and hen parties. And if that nice thing is seen as an American import then it's all holds barred on the vitriol front

[ComputerUserNumptyTwit]

Ooooooh someone mentioned Halloween!