AIBU - To feel sad and disappointed about my baby shower?

[user1483385529]

I'll start off by saying I'm pregnant and emotional and probably overthinking this but....

My sister kindly offered to throw me a baby shower at the end of Jan (DS1 is due in Feb). I gave her a list of people to invite in early Dec. Everyone has said they can't come except two colleagues, two neighbours (who are a couple) with one of their mums that I know, my mum and sister (MIL lives up North and can't make it down). Now bearing in mind people had notice and I only have a couple of friends with children, AIBU to be feeling very unpopular that hardly anyone is coming? I just feel like calling it off but I know my sister will have put effort in, but it's really upset me. To give a bit of back ground I've never had lots of friends, I'm quite a home bird but I just thought those people I did class as friends would make the effort (I do live about an hours drive away from some of them and others would have to get the tube). AIBU and should I stop crying over this?

[Helbelle75]

I'm not a fan of them either. I went to one and i felt most uncomfortable with all of the games as I'm quite an introverted person.
My work colleagues wanted to organise one for me, and i had to say no. Just not my thing.
Have a nice afternoon tea instead.

[EatSpamAmandaLamb]

I will never attend a baby shower and I know the majority of people I know feel the same way.

[MuteButtonisOn]

Prom, baby showers, ' class of ' all horrendous imports, baby showers being the worst. Glad I'm too old to have friends up the duff.

[llangennith]

What exactly do you do at a baby shower?

[kissmethere]

"They aren't really your mates if they cba to come are they?"
to a baby shower? Yeah they really define friendships don't they?

[kissmethere]

Sorry also meant to say yanbu but I wouldn't take it personally.

[MitchellMummy]

You have the ideal number for the baby shower! You can sit around and chat to all of your guests. Sometimes when we have school reunions a smaller number can be more fun than a huge crowd. January's a difficult month for lots of people with post Christmas debts. Hope you go ahead and enjoy it.

[MrsHiddleston]

I would think of every possible excuse in the world not to go to a baby shower. I hate the concept. I also have a real problem with cards and gifts giving before the birth of a baby. My work do it when someone leaves for mat leave. I speak to the pregnant person and explain that I haven't donated but will send my own gift once the baby arrives. They understand because they know I'm stupid about superstitions. Despite being a scientist and knowing my superstitions are absurd I can't do it.

[Whatsername17]

People cm be quite judgy about baby showers in the UK. I always go, but never had them myself. If i were you I'd just have a family get together, maybe involve the men in the family too? One the baby is here you will be inundated with visitors.

[clementineorange]

I think it's lovely. It's a kind hearted thing for your sister to do and it's shitty your friends can't see that and most of the people on this thread. I would much rather attend a baby shower and buy cute new clothes for my friends baby than hand over a wad of requested cash for friends getting married. Baby showers are grabby? No. Asking for money when you get married? TOTALLY.


YANBU. Us British people are known for being miserable for reasons like this.

[meditrina]

"no mention of gifts or money etc"

If she called it a showe then she did mention gifts, because shower = shower with gifts. It's the whole purpose of this specific type of gathering.

"I'd much rather just go out for lunch but I'm afraid my sister may have spent money on a cake or games etc"

Well, your shower could be a lunch party. It's not compulsory to have a particular style of gathering. Or you could just have a (non-shower) lunch - if you don't call it a shower then the obligation to buy a gift is removed and you can still have a party in a style you actually like.

[Maverickismywingman]

Yanbu to be upset that you're friends aren't coming. I think anyone would be upset by feeling snubbed.

but YABU if you can't see the reasoning behind why people don't want to go. It's likely not because they don't like you.

[KateDaniels2]

It's about putting your friend first Kiss even if it means doing something you don't ordinarily want to do.

So you alway put your friends first? Always?

There was an invitation. It didnt mention presents, but there is an expectation.

I dont go because i find them grabby and pointless. If my friend exoected me to give up and entire weekend day to go travel, play children's games and buy a present just because. I would think they were grabby.

Plus the op doesnt want one. Chances are her friends know she isnt the type to want one and suspect its really the sister. So may not feel they are letting her down.

[Brown76]

Enjoy what you have organised with the invitees who want to and can make it and their good wishes for you! I wouldn't go to a baby shower without bringing gifts, as that's the whole concept. Maybe they are skint as Christmas/new year was a few weeks ago? You will be able to invite your friends round to meet your new baby in a few weeks, and I'm sure they will be happy for you

[bananafish81]

It's not superstitious IMO, it's just sensible, not to give a gift until the baby is here

The women I know who had stillbirths said coming home to nurseries bulging with baby stuff, when they didn't get to bring their babies home, made a horrific situation even more horrific

If I was invited to a baby shower I would be put in a quandary - I would only want to attend a 'no presents' one, where we weren't expected to hand out gifts to he opened in front of everyone else. I wouldn't want to be put on the spot and have to explain why I didn't want to buy a present before the baby was born. Most parents bring their babies home from the hospital. Not at all do. And no one wants anyone bringing the subject of stillbirths up to a pregnant woman! I'm sorry to raise this issue. But that's why I wouldn't want to attend a baby shower. As well as the fact I find being around pregnant women very hard after 4 cycles of IVF, 2 miscarriages and no baby.

[stonecircle]

It just seems strange to me to celebrate a baby that hasn't actually arrived yet.

[CactusFred]

Stupid American things.
I'd make an excuse too. Sorry.

[Oriunda]

I'm incredibly superstitious about celebrating any birth until baby has actually been born, having suffered two miscarriages before I finally had DS. Aside from fact I don't like the idea, I wouldn't want to attend one as I'd worry too much about bad luck. I'd much rather buy a gift when the baby has been born.

[PostTruthEra]

I wouldn't go to a baby shower. Sorry! I'd pop round with a gift and some food for the parents after the baby is born, but I don't like baby showers.

[Slimmingsnake]

Baby showers are grabby and rude...I got pressured in to going to the last one...present for baby ,present for mum.....then when you go to visit the new baby ..we'll do you go empty handed???? no present for baby..flowers for mum...as I said grabby ...

[Daytona79]

I have children and wouldn't go to a baby shower in fact I've been invited to a few and always been busy and it's nothing personal I just dislike them I think they are grabby and tacky.

So I wouldn't think people don't like you it's just they don't like baby showers.

[shovetheholly]

So let me get this straight, my dear: you feel sad and disappointed because a bunch of people you know and like don't want to come to a thing that you're doing out of a sense of duty and not because you really want to do it? And you're allowing this to make you feel unpopular, instead of thinking of it in terms of your having a bunch of friends who have similar ideas and attitudes to you, for whom a baby shower is only marginally more interesting than a trip to the dentist?

It seems to me that you need to decide what YOU want to do, to live life on your terms, and to allow others to live it on theirs! And that means stepping away from these disabling mental voices about 'popularity' and setting your own terms for success or failure!