AIBU - To feel sad and disappointed about my baby shower?

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I'll start off by saying I'm pregnant and emotional and probably overthinking this but....

My sister kindly offered to throw me a baby shower at the end of Jan (DS1 is due in Feb). I gave her a list of people to invite in early Dec. Everyone has said they can't come except two colleagues, two neighbours (who are a couple) with one of their mums that I know, my mum and sister (MIL lives up North and can't make it down). Now bearing in mind people had notice and I only have a couple of friends with children, AIBU to be feeling very unpopular that hardly anyone is coming? I just feel like calling it off but I know my sister will have put effort in, but it's really upset me. To give a bit of back ground I've never had lots of friends, I'm quite a home bird but I just thought those people I did class as friends would make the effort (I do live about an hours drive away from some of them and others would have to get the tube). AIBU and should I stop crying over this?

I also have attending christening dilemmas and genuinely need advice

Our hardcore atheist friend didn't come to the ceremony but came to our house for tea and cake afterwards. We weren't offended at all - I get that it isn't everyone's cup of tea (religion, that is, not the cup of tea)

I struggle to understand why some of my non religious friends have their kids christened.

Another person who wouldn't fancy 2 hours driving for a baby who isn't there yet. I also see it as an American tradition so it's not a tradition I value or think is important. It wouldn't mean I didn't like the person whose event it was.

I struggle with christenings too. The majority seem to be done for the party and gifts and few for the actual religious reason. I just attend those who are actual religious and remember it's an invite not a demand.

Colleague at work had a baby shower, where those of us who went took a gift. A month later, off she went on mat leave; another collection and gift. Just found out yesterday that she had given birth; yet another office collection to send flowers and a gift for older sibling of new baby. In a couple of months time we can then look forward to the christening with yet another gift. 'This is why I think Baby Showers are unnecessary and I just don't see the point.

I don't understand why baby showers are deemed the work of the devil? I've been to loads and I love it. Sitting with a group of my nearest and dearest often having afternoon tea/nibbles and laughing the afternoon away? Terribly dreadful and tacky

It just seems an unnecessary thing to me, plus many people in the UK are superstitious about buying stuff for babies in advance of the birth. January is also a month when some people are skint.
If someone round the corner had one I might pop in but I wouldn't travel an hour to one, it just doesn't warrant that much fuss to me, and does seem grabby.
Have a post baby party a few weeks after the birth and get people to bring snacks and get your husband to do all the tidying.

I'd never go to one. It doesn't mean I don't like the friend though. I turn down all kinds of invitations to things I don'y enjoy (paint balling, spa days, etc) - I never realised people would think i didn't like them because of that

Cancelling would be rude to the seven who've said they'll come especially now it's so close.

Seven seems like a reasonable number anyway

I don't know why people don't have naming ceremonies if they're not religious. I have been to some really lovely ones, and I think it's much nicer to do it when the baby is there to introduce them, so it's nicer than a shower.

I think it's much nicer to do it when the baby is there to introduce them

You like it that way, others prefer to have tea and cake and spend time with their friends before they have a baby to look after.

Saw this post on DM. How sad people are so negative about baby showers. Yes, it's an American tradition, but why wouldn't you want to celebrate with a close friend or family?

Showers have evolved over the last 10 years. Many are mixed with men and women and kids and are often a luncheon. No more games. It's like a birthday party.

There are some "rules" still. You usually only have it for the first baby or if you have a large gap between children. And a friend is supposed to host, not your family, but even there rules have been relaxed.

Why can't people just be happy for each other? Why is everyone always so offended?

Aww sorry your feeling so down OP. Id just try and make the most of the ones who are there, you can spend better quality time chatting with them.

Not really sure why everyone is so mean about them - if a friend has a baby shower I take a present and they get a proportionally smaller one when baby arrives. Its normally free cake so not like you're being whipped with irons. Its spending time with someone you care about whilst they have time to reciprocate your attention

I have turned down several in the past year.
Baby not born - rock up with a gift for mum and bump
Baby born - rock with with gift for mum and baby
Christening - rock up with a gift
1st birthday - rock up with a gift

Totally pointless. I want to have a laugh with my mates, this can be arranged without giving it some ridiculous name. It's called arranging a meet up with your mates at a suitable location. Whether it's at someone's home, a restaurant, coffee shop etc.

I don't get why so many people are so negative about spending a could of hours with their friend and being fed cake!

Momma are you in the USA? It's because (a) the event title "shower" makes it clear that the main point and reason for the event is about you the invitee bringing a gift. Normal parties are more usually "no gifts please - it's your presence not your presents we are after". (b) there's a bit of a cultural hangover from a previous "rule" that it's unlucky to buy baby gifts before the baby has arrived. This is a lot less of a thing these days but its echoes are still around (c) though my experience of the events themselves are limited to what is portrayed in films and TV shows so perhaps that's not realistic, the inclusion of baby-related party games and activities in the proceedings is just going to make the whole thing even more embarrassing.

I don't think people are offended by the idea of spending a couple ours with their friends drinking tea and eating cake Momma

I think they just dislike the increasing commercialization of a new life and the whole pantomime that surrounds it.

It used to be get PG, tell people, have a scan to make sure all is well and you may or may not find out the sex, have the baby, name the baby, tell people the name and sex, people buy the baby a gift and send a card.

There may or may not be a Christening and a first birthday party.

Now it's:

Get PG

tell your parents via a 'you are going to be a grandparent' card, or a video to be posted on YouTube.

Get 'congrats on being PG' cards

Get a 'gender scan' as thought that is the primary reason for it rather than an optional bit of info,

Have a gender reveal party with various bits of party tat, balloons and a cake

Tell everyone the baby's name eleventy billion weeks before it's even born,

Have a babymoon (we used to call it going on holiday while we were pregnant)

Get greetings cards specifically designed for to and from the unborn child, AKA the bump

Get a late private 4D scan so everyone s intimately acquainted with this child's face via posts on Facebook and instagram before it's even born

Have a baby shower with assorted party tat, balloons and a cake

Have the baby (massive anti climax by now because everyone's had said baby rammed down their throats for months already)

Have a naming ceremony if not bothered about a Christening. What's the point? We've known the name since you found out the sex at the scan.

Have a first birthday party with assorted party tat, balloons and a cake.

Emily photographer to 'make memories' with a Cake Smash (ironically probably the one and only time this child will be allowed to taste sugar for the next 10 years)

Then the child gets a 'prom' and a trip in a stretch limo when it leaves primary school, then again when it leaves secondary school plus a Sweet Sixteen party on top of the traditional 18th and/or 21st.....

The child gets engaged except this involves going to some fancy romantic destination in order to be officially proposed to, completely unspontaneously, where the proposer gets down on one knee at a time and place agreed by the bride in advance and produces the ring that has already been chosen by the recipient in order that this ridiculous non-surprise of a proposal meets all the desired criteria.

Put non-surprise proposal on instagram.

Then this baby gets married and goes on a four day Hen or Stag party.....

Then the wedding where it's now almost obligatory for some members of the wedding party to break out into some sort of rehearsed and choreographed hilarious song or dance routine which is supposed to be a surprise but is now so ubiquitous that people are totally prepared for it.

Post the video on YouTube

And then, most revoltingly of all, pay a photographer to do a 'Trash the dress' shoot, where your beloved groom does a well rehearsed push of his darling bride into a muddy puddle in her wedding dress.

This is why I don't like Baby Showers. It's nothing to do with disliking drinking tea and eating cake.

That should have said EMPLOY a photographer, not Emily 😂

I bet that felt cathartic Magic
💛

I think it's more about the shower than you

I avoid them too - I see it as having to buy something else and then again when the baby is born. (And have probably already out in for the work side collection!)
I sound stingy but I'm really not, I just don't see the point and see it as grabby

Could you rearrange the shower to after the baby comes then you can show him off in one go?
Or just rearrange to an afternoon tea with those closest to you?

Magic

I'm sorry you are upset OP. it's never nice to feel rejected.

however I wouldn't attend either. as someone who lost my first baby at 38 weeks, I'd never hand over a present for baby until they were with us

YABU to have a baby shower. Sorry.

Magic spot on.

Some pregnancies feel like they last forever due to the amount of stuff parents do on your list, it's like they truly believe they are the first ever to have a child and must be pandered to at all costs. All they seeem to do all day is FB about the baby, talk about the baby and hardly any work as surely you can't expect a pregnant woman to do something ....

What Magic Chicken said! Baby showers are like Christmas beginning in August, which we now have to suck up. They ruin the main event. They are also presumptive that everything will be OK, which makes me feel nervous for the mum to be.

Nothing to do with you or your popularity, I'd cancel and do something less organised.

Kids seem to be being set up for a lifetime of disappointment now as well, with nearly every day being an event of some kind. Awful!

'Showers have evolved over the last 10 years. Many are mixed with men and women and kids and are often a luncheon. No more games. It's like a birthday party. '

That's not a baby shower. That's just a party.