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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My boss acts like she's my mum/worries about how much I'm eating.

115 replies

user1484493755 · 15/01/2017 15:27

I'm a single mum of a 4 year old boy. Im aged 26. I started a very demanding job with long hours. I am extremely passionate about this job. I started this job overweight at 13st and I'm now 10st and look slim but healthy (I'm 5ft6). I've been in the job 3 months.

I am just so busy so eat at midday and eat a sandwich and have a coffee and cup of tea. We get free meals on shift. I choose healthy options. When I first started I was getting through the day on a yogurt and fruit but I got better at working efficiently so now have time for lunch.

I eat cereal bars/fruit/yogurt for a snack and have dinner at 5 before leaving to go home. My boss told me in supervision I was a real asset to the team and a grafter but I needed to make sure I took my lunch to relax and to make sure I eat a decent lunch.

If I miss lunch my boss comes in and tells me to have my lunch and makes me leave what I'm doing to go and eat. If I try and go back to work she tells me to stay in the staff room to finish relaxing until lunch time is over.
She has no concerns I have an eating disorder or anything like that. I'm not even thin. I think she just doesn't want me to burn out from work related stress or lose anymore weight.

On the odd occasion I have to do home
Visits. My manager takes me as she doesn't want me walking through the (extremely rough) area alone.

She's not gay I don't think. It's not that she fancies me. She just really likes me and worries about me. We have two students here and she is the same with them regarding the home visits and takes them in her car too.

Would my eating/lunch taking be a cause for concern with you? Is it unprofessional?

While I think it's great she cares, but I'm not sure how many calories your staff eat is your concern and if they want to work hard to meet deadline surely that's a good thing?

OP posts:
ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 15/01/2017 15:33

I doubt it's the actual calories she cares about, more the fact that you do need to get away from your desk to get a break, rest your eyes etc. She has a duty to ensure you do this. Also, if you can't get through your work without skipping lunch etc then she's giving you too much or you're struggling too much. You're over thinking it in my opinion so yes, yabu.

edwinbear · 15/01/2017 15:34

I don't think she's bothered or even notices what you eat, I think she wants to ensure her staff are mentally and physically healthy enough to cope with the demands of the job, which means taking rest breaks. As for supervising your home visits surely if you are only 3 months on the job she is simply training you as opposed to looking after you?

Original poster
user1484493755 · 15/01/2017 15:37

I don't have to miss lunch but I prefer to as it mean less in the day. I'm not bothered about eating lunch and don't feel hungry at lunch time.

OP posts:
tinydancer88 · 15/01/2017 15:37

Doesn't sound like it's a calories/weight thing. She probably just wants to ensure everyone takes their proper breaks as it's good for morale and health. She sounds quite supportive and professional to me.

With supervised home visits, you say yourself it isn't just you she accompanies. You're still relatively new and the other two colleagues are students. It sounds like part of a normal induction/training process in a demanding role.

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 15/01/2017 15:39

I think YABU. She has a duty of care as a manager professionally and wants to make sure she's not swamping you with so much work you haven't got time to eat. That wouldn't reflect well on her or your company to be honest.

I tell my colleagues to make sure they get a proper lunch break, and I'm concerned when they stay late too often - it's usually conducive to a good staff morale.

She's also probably just a nice caring person in general!

Original poster
user1484493755 · 15/01/2017 15:39

She noticed what I eat alright. I once came to the staff room with a banana and she said that's not enough

OP posts:
tinydancer88 · 15/01/2017 15:40

Then just have a calm conversation with her, maybe if she does progress reviews or similar with you, and explain that you just don't like to interrupt the flow of work/don't feel hungry for lunch everyday, but of course you will take the time if you need it.

WineIsMyMainVice · 15/01/2017 15:41

She sounds like a good caring boss to me. Good luck in the new role.

user1477282676 · 15/01/2017 15:43

She's probably just got over protective because you're relatively young. I'm 44 and would possibly accidentally parent a younger woman a bit...it's ok for her to ensure you sit down and eat...it's also ok for her to drive you through the rough area.

When I was at drama school I had a teacher who was the same. She just liked me and Mothered me a bit.

StealthPolarBear · 15/01/2017 15:45

The lunch thing would drive me mad.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 15/01/2017 15:45

It almost sounds like you're trying to find a reason to dislike her Confused. I think what she's saying is what I'd say to anyone I was managing - if you're not getting your work done and taking a lunch break, you're either inefficient or have too much work. It's not your job to pick up the slack and work through breaks; it's up to management to hire sufficient staff.

If she's commenting or what or how much you're eating, just tell her you had a big breakfast or something.

HalfaFishFingerAndTwoPeas · 15/01/2017 15:46

She sounds lovely to me! She actually cares about her staffs wellbeing which is rare, I think your maybe overthinking this?

dudsville · 15/01/2017 15:46

I think it sounds like she's paying you too much attention. This would make me uncomfortable. Can you gently say something so as not to hurt her feelings but just bring her attention to the fact that she's parenting you unnecessarily? I'm much older than you. If my manager watched my diet to the same extent, and if it wasn't deserved (I did wonder whether your rapid weight loss worried her), then I'd tell her kindly it wasn't needed. I'm sorry to ask this, but you are young, is that rare at your work? Maybe you've just triggered the mother in her?

StealthPolarBear · 15/01/2017 15:47

She needs more work to do, clearly. Op is a grown up and can decide what and when she eats. I wouldn't mind her mentioning it at a review but to come through each day and nag you...I'd have to say something.

MichaelSheensNextDW · 15/01/2017 15:49

YABU. Workers fought tooth and nail for the right to have a meal break and it would be a poor manager who allowed you to forgo it.
Be aware that if you choose to keep working through your breaks and then develop a health problem, it could have negative consequences for her if she knew you were overworking.
A stone a month weight loss is rapid and will have been noticed.
She sounds like a very good manager.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 15/01/2017 15:50

If you're in an emotionally demanding job... It is good... And really important that folk have a decent break... It helps prevent burnout....
Also there is often an issue when too many staff skip breaks then they start being seen as less necessary by senior staff and then it becomes difficult for people to take any break.

Probably this just comes under a reasonable duty of care...

Notjustuser1458393875 · 15/01/2017 15:51

Is your original post right, OP? You've lost three stone in three months? If that's the case I can quite see why anyone would be worried about you.

I often don't have time for lunch and choose mostly healthy options when I do, but the weight is not dropping off.

Original poster
user1484493755 · 15/01/2017 15:51

I've lost three stone in 3 months and I believe this is where her worry comes from. Nothing to do with anything else. It's the weight loss.

If I hadn't lost the weight she would probably not have even noticed my lunch break.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1484493755 · 15/01/2017 15:54

I admit I was barely eating anything and it took her about two months to notice and when she did she kept making sure I was eating enough.

There are other colleagues who eat through their lunch. They go out to theshop and make drinks/prepare food but they eat at their desk still.

It was because I was new and it's stressful finding your feet. But I'm fine now. Got used to the job and I'm more efficient.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 15/01/2017 15:56

You've lost 3 stone during the first 3 months of working for her. She's probably worried work's making you ill!

BackforGood · 15/01/2017 15:58

She's not gay I don't think. It's not that she fancies me. - WHAT??!?

Are you suggesting someone can only care for people if they fancy them ??? What is this parallel universe you live in ? Shock

She sounds like a hands on, caring manager. I can't see what's not to like. She has a duty of care to you and the other staff / students, so it is absolutely right she ensures there are safe working practices regarding travel and having proper breaks.

If anyone started working with me and then lost 3 stone in 3 months, I think I would be making comments too, to check they weren't ill / stressed. Nothing to do with your age.

StealthPolarBear · 15/01/2017 16:00

I rarely see my boss from one month to the next but I'm so pleased she doesn't mother me.

girlywhirl · 15/01/2017 16:02

I'd be worried if one of my team dropped weight like that. I can't imagine how you could have done it healthily.
I think she'll be concerned there's more going on.

Are you unused to having people care about your wellbeing? It comes across like that's the case (I say that gently.)

EleanorRigby123 · 15/01/2017 16:04

If I had a staff member who had lost 3 stones in 3 months at the start of a new job I would be concerned. I would be particularly concerned if they claimed they were not on a diet. That rate of weight loss is not healthy. If you are not dieting you should get a check up from the GP.

If you are dieting - but for some reason claiming you are not - you need to ask yourself why you are behaving in this way. You should also note that that rate of weight loss is unhealthy for someone of your height and build and is unlikely to be sustainable in the long term.

BIWI · 15/01/2017 16:06

Three stones in three months is an awful lot. And I'd be worried about you if I were your boss too!

It's not good for you to miss your lunch break - you do need to eat, but also you need to give yourself a break.

Be grateful you have a boss that cares about your welfare.

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