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Original poster

My boss acts like she's my mum/worries about how much I'm eating.

115 replies

user1484493755 · 15/01/2017 15:27

I'm a single mum of a 4 year old boy. Im aged 26. I started a very demanding job with long hours. I am extremely passionate about this job. I started this job overweight at 13st and I'm now 10st and look slim but healthy (I'm 5ft6). I've been in the job 3 months.

I am just so busy so eat at midday and eat a sandwich and have a coffee and cup of tea. We get free meals on shift. I choose healthy options. When I first started I was getting through the day on a yogurt and fruit but I got better at working efficiently so now have time for lunch.

I eat cereal bars/fruit/yogurt for a snack and have dinner at 5 before leaving to go home. My boss told me in supervision I was a real asset to the team and a grafter but I needed to make sure I took my lunch to relax and to make sure I eat a decent lunch.

If I miss lunch my boss comes in and tells me to have my lunch and makes me leave what I'm doing to go and eat. If I try and go back to work she tells me to stay in the staff room to finish relaxing until lunch time is over.
She has no concerns I have an eating disorder or anything like that. I'm not even thin. I think she just doesn't want me to burn out from work related stress or lose anymore weight.

On the odd occasion I have to do home
Visits. My manager takes me as she doesn't want me walking through the (extremely rough) area alone.

She's not gay I don't think. It's not that she fancies me. She just really likes me and worries about me. We have two students here and she is the same with them regarding the home visits and takes them in her car too.

Would my eating/lunch taking be a cause for concern with you? Is it unprofessional?

While I think it's great she cares, but I'm not sure how many calories your staff eat is your concern and if they want to work hard to meet deadline surely that's a good thing?

OP posts:
Whosthemummynow · 15/01/2017 16:07

3 stone in 3 months where you are not massively overweight is worrying! I'm worried for you

AthenasOwl · 15/01/2017 16:08

Losing 3 stone in 3 months is worrying. I don't blame her tbh.

toptoe · 15/01/2017 16:11

good for her looking out for you - she sounds kind and trying to create a healthy working environment for you all. Might feel patronising but in a way she should be showing you you can work well and take appropraite breaks.

Chippednailvarnishing · 15/01/2017 16:12

Seeing it from another point of view, you have claimed you didn't have enough time to eat, you've lost 3 st in weight in 3 months, the job is "so busy" and you have to walk through rough areas.

I don't think she fancies you Hmm, I just think that she is expecting you to burn out soon and doesn't want to get sued.

Timeforabiscuit · 15/01/2017 16:18

From a management perspective, I would be concerned you werent able to balance the demands of work with your own well being. Long term, it means you go off sick with migraines or one of the many other conditions associated with not taking proper breaks.

If you find her comments intrusive, by all means tell her in a 1:1, but if shes telling you to take a break then you should take it.

To be honest, working through lunch is the easy option, far better for you to be away from the desk, get some fresh air, have a chat with colleagues and then get your head down again.

Original poster
user1484493755 · 15/01/2017 16:23

She knows I'm capable of doing the job. I'm just a really hard worker and go above and beyond what's expected of me (she's said this)

OP posts:
Oblomov16 · 15/01/2017 16:24

3 stone in 3 months is a concern.
She sounds perfectly caring and making sure she is fulfilling her duty of care.
How you can not see this, or are questioning her care of you, is puzzling.

BIWI · 15/01/2017 16:29

I wonder why you think she might be being unreasonable? Are you, perhaps, in denial about the rate of weight loss?

You say you're not thin but at 5ft 6in and only 10 stone, you must be! (Plus you also say that you're 'slim'). I'm wondering if you're masking an incipient/actual eating disorder?

Oh, and welcome to Mumsnet!

LunaLoveg00d · 15/01/2017 16:30

I've been on the other side of this - a manager insisting that staff took breaks and ate something. Where I used to work there were some people who thought that it would count in their favour if they appeared to be really busy all the time and never took a break. It didn't.

As a manager, you want your team on top of their game at all times, and performing as well at 3pm as they did at 9am. That doesn't happen when people are not taking their lunch hour and not having something proper to eat. We had one girl who was shy and didn't like going to the lunch room, so we had to agree that she would go out for a walk instead or go home - but working through wasn't an option. You also want to be seen as a caring employer, one which isn't working staff too hard and not letting them take their legal break times.

OP - take your breaks AND HAVE A PROPER LUNCH. 3 stones in 3 months is an awful lot.

Original poster
user1484493755 · 15/01/2017 16:30

I agree it's a worrying amount of weight but I've learnt from my weight loss and I'm now eating normally and taking my breaks as normal.

Sometimes I do eat little at lunch and I feel while it's nice she worries she shouldn't comment on how much I'm eating as long as I'm taking my lunch breaks

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnishing · 15/01/2017 16:30

Agree with BIWI.

You don't seem to be able to take her concerns as legitimate issues.

Notjustuser1458393875 · 15/01/2017 16:32

She is probably worried that you have an eating disorder and is trying to help in a clumsy way. When I lost lots of weight when younger by eating very little, pretty much everyone around me starting prompting me to eat lunch, to eat more etc.

yorkshapudding · 15/01/2017 16:32

If you're in the line of work I think you are, the levels of staff sickness due to stress and stress-related conditions are extremely high. Your manager has a duty of care and no doubt the fact that you lost a significant amount of weight in your first few months on the job will have rung alarm bells for her. As for doubling up on home visits that take place in dodgy areas, this is just good practice.

Your comment about her fancying you/not fancying you is a bit bizarre Hmm

You could discuss this with her in your next supervision session. Just say that you realise you've lost weight but you feel well and it makes you a bit uncomfortable/embarrassed when people comment on what you're eating.

LockedOutOfMN · 15/01/2017 16:32

Your boss sounds great. She wants to keep you in the job and make sure you don't burn out. She sounds genuinely committed to staff well being rather than many other bosses / organisations which just make token gestures for show (e.g. bringing in chocolates once a month). This lady seems to genuinely care and I think you are lucky, OP.

AcrossthePond55 · 15/01/2017 16:34

Where I worked taking breaks and lunch was a job requirement (Union rules). And yes, if our boss thought we weren't, they would shoo us off the floor even at times taking over our interviews. They could get in big trouble, else.

If I had an employee who appeared to drop a lot of weight after starting work, I think I'd be concerned too, although work regulations where I was would have limited what could be said as long as job performance and attendance records were satisfactory.

All you can do is request to speak to her privately and politely tell her that you appreciate her concern, you will be more diligent about lunch and breaks, but that she need not worry about your eating habits and that you'd appreciate she not mention it again unless she feels it's affecting your work performance.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/01/2017 16:34

She sounds like the sort of boss many of us would like. Perhaps she's a bit ott. But better than the other way round. In one job, I had a new role, which was basically sorting all the shit out plus some other stuff a colleague used to do before she left. I used to stay late, took work home, did above and beyond. My boss still accused me once of doing the bare minimum on one task. This was the final straw and I soon put him straight. Never did overtime again. Left the company shortly thereafter.

Original poster
user1484493755 · 15/01/2017 16:35

Thank you everyone. I think it's also increased exercise. I work in a hospital (I'm not a nurse) and I have to visit one ward after the other so can walk up to 6 miles a day just by going from one department to the other

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 15/01/2017 16:37

I'm obviously alone then. I'd rather be treated as an adult. And if I prefer to work through lunch u won't shrivel up and die. I'm not that fragile.

unfortunateevents · 15/01/2017 16:45

A three stone weight loss in three months is not normal. I'm not surprised your boss is worried. How does she know that this is the extent of your weight loss and that you are not going to continue to lose weight? Certainly if she has noticed your weight loss in conjunction with your poor eating habits during the day, she is probably worried that your are under too much stress from the job. While she probably cares about you as a person, she also has an obligation as a department manager to her team and to the operating efficiency of the department. In her mind, if you continue in this fashion you will have lost even more weight in a few months and be burned out from not taking proper breaks. Then you will go off sick and when all this emerges she will be under the spotlight for putting you under excessive pressure in your job. Taking breaks from work is not a nice-to-have, it's a legal obligation and while you may feel you are too busy to eat, it will eventually catch up with you and make you less, not more, productive.

I don't even know where to go with your suggestion that her attitude might be explained if she was gay!?

BackforGood · 15/01/2017 16:46

I'd rather be treated as an adult.

I'm not sure in what way someone being concerned about your welfare is, in any way not treating you as an adult.
If any new colleague, of any age lost so much weight it was clearly visible to all in her first 3 months on the job, I would be showing concern - doesn't matter if they were 20 or 60. It's caring for other people's welfare.

StealthPolarBear · 15/01/2017 16:47

Making you leave what you're doing to have lunch is making decisions for you about how you spend your time.

Notjustuser1458393875 · 15/01/2017 16:50

Or exercising an employer's duty of care to ensure that you have the legal minimum break of 30 minutes for every six hours worked.

frumpet · 15/01/2017 16:52

Are you paid for your lunch break ? I bet you are not , in which case as your manager , she should be encouraging you to make time to take it .

3 stone in 3 months is a rapid weight loss if you are not even trying , I would worry you will become unwell if you continue at this rate . Were you just sitting and eating all day before you started this job ?

Gottagetmoving · 15/01/2017 16:54

You are lucky to have a boss who cares about the welfare of her staff.
It's become the norm these days for bosses to expect staff to work during lunch break time and like work onto their staff. It must have got bad if it has got to the point that people think a caring boss is doing something wrong
I think it's sad that anyone would decide your boss is interfering or treating you like a child.

Gottagetmoving · 15/01/2017 16:55

Pile work...not like work !