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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find visiting child greedy and rude?

270 replies

user1477282676 · 15/01/2017 03:41

I might be unreasonable and I might not. Either way, I'm sure you will all tell me.

I want to know what to do in this situation.

DD is 8 and has a little friend who is very close to her...also 8. The friend, every time she visits which is quite often, walks in and immediately asks for food.

She will usually ask DD who then asks me....I offer lunch or snacks as normal but this child is simply never full....if you offer her a biscuit tin, she will take 6 biscuits...a handful...I've stopped offering her...I just give her two biscuits now...but DD will sometimes sneak the tin out on this child's request. I've spoken to DD about it and she says the kid just goes on and on about it

.DD is allowed to get herself a cracker or something and does so without asking as she never eats anything really unless she's hungry...but this child will literally eat ALL the crackers there are...so two packs of cheesy crackers...just bought and meant for snacks for DD for a week are now gone.

I made them pasta and cheese which they like...with a side salad and ham.

The visiting child will say "Can I have more cheese? A LOT more?" in a way which I find rude...she'll expect half a block!

I don't give it...cheese is frigging expensive here and it has to last as I"m on a budget.

What do I do about the constant demands/requests for food/more food?

I usually just say "That's enough for now" or similar but then literally five minutes later, she will be whispering to DD "Get the cakes out of the freezer!"

And DD doesn't like saying no but knows it's unreasonable and so will ask me then get upset/concerned that her friend hasn't got what she wants.

I DO feed them....not small portions...but this is not ok with me and I just know what to do about it! I don't want to appear mean but I also don't want this child eating what would usually last for a week in one day!

OP posts:
EpoxyResin · 15/01/2017 09:26

You're probably right user, another pet peeve! but I did nark a bit didn't I. And on your thread. Sorry about that.

Trifleorbust · 15/01/2017 09:26

EpoxyResin: Good grief. I read the OP's reply to me and answered her. I didn't see your post and certainly didn't 'copy' you. Are you 8 years old? FFS.

KittyVonCatsington · 15/01/2017 09:27

Fair enough OP-good point about things not reading as intended on screen!

EpoxyResin · 15/01/2017 09:27

From rude to ruder. Well done Trifle.

honeylulu · 15/01/2017 09:27

God this is annoying. Happens here too. One of the many reasons I hate playdates. One of my son's friends (who would never speak to me directly) used to turn his nose up at anything I'd provided and go and help himself to stuff I hadn't offered, even when I'd told him not to. I took him home early on more than one occasion and was glad when that friendship died a natural death.
I think part if the problem, as you've identified, is kids being allowed unlimited snacks of their own choice at home. My friend says she "has to" make dinner for her boys as soon as they get back from school as they nag about being starving. But I have seen numerous times that they have one or two bites of dinner and then say they are finished and leave the table. 20 mins later when they know dinner is safely binned they reappear saying they are hungry again and work their way through cupboards of crisps, biscuits and sweets. Friend says she doesn't mind then having "a few snacks to keep them going" as she's given them a proper dinner that they don't bloody eat. They expect to do the same at other people's houses. My friend is lovely but it's hard to bite my tongue sometimes.
I was a very hungry child and could put away tonnes of food (very tall for my age) but I always waited for it to be offered, like I did at home.

FinallyHere · 15/01/2017 09:28

Wot karoleann said, offer glasses if water and make sure they drink it all down.

NormaSmuff · 15/01/2017 09:28

Claps hands
play nicely
Wink

Just Say No and Suggest a game, play with them, that might take her mind off food.

Trifleorbust · 15/01/2017 09:30

EpoxyResin: Luckily for me, I am not on a budget - have the whole packet.

BiscuitBiscuitBiscuit

Gooseberryfools · 15/01/2017 09:30

Buy a bag of the cheapest veg you can. Not apples that are expensive.

Be very clear with the child. Also your DD mustn't steel food for the guest. I would not replace the crackers if eaten. Instead offer your DD a carrot. That way she understands that you only buy two packets a week and they must last.

'No you can't have loads of cheese, it's for sandwiches tomorrow. If you're hungry you can have these carrots instead'

' you can only eat two crackers as the rest are for snacks during the week. If you are hungry eat these carrots'

'Ah you don't want carrots, ah well that's all there is. You don't have to eat them'

EpoxyResin · 15/01/2017 09:30

Hahahaha, nice one Trifle Grin

Trifleorbust · 15/01/2017 09:33

EpoxyResin: Grin

amidawish · 15/01/2017 09:33

Maybe at home food is quite rationed so she is "going for it" at your house?
I'd mention it to her mum.
DD used to do this at a friend's house, constantly ask for crackers. her friend's mum bought Ritz, which dd had a craving for and would eat the whole box if let. DD's friend's mum mentioned it to me quite exasperated - DD had been driving her mad constantly asking for crackers! I gave her a good talking to and she didn't do it again!

KeepCalm · 15/01/2017 09:41

Stop having her round? End of.

mya83 · 15/01/2017 09:43

.

UnexplainedOnHerCollar · 15/01/2017 09:46

We had a family friend like this, now older and we don't see them as much but OMG she could eat, and IMO was very rude. If you were handing out snacks it would be "can I have another one" over and over again - she would happily eat a whole packet of anything. It shocked me when she did this with expensive treats - my kids knew you only get one fancy smoothie on a picnic, for example. She was the same with her own parents. If we got pick and mix, my kids would get a small handful each (and were happy - they don't see that as mean) while she would get a huge tub and eat it all! One we were at theirs for a sunday roast and she just grabbed handfuls of food (like hot chicken breast) from the serving dishes before it was served up!

I never said anything because I didn't see it as her fault as such and I did wonder if she had some kind of condition or psychological reason... but I did judge that she was allowed to be so grabby and rude and her parents never seemed to expect her to wait a second or ask politely.

Though actually she was like this about other stuff too - once helped herself to a bagful of DS's toys and took them home!

In your own home I think you can just say no, and "In our house we have two each" etc. over and over. It's not mean, it's normal and you're on a budget. That's what I say to my own kids, "only one of these as they're a special treat", they understand.

VladmirsPoutine · 15/01/2017 09:47

Tell her parents to give her snacks to bring with her.

NanooCov · 15/01/2017 09:49

I think you have to have a word with the parents. You could phrase it as "I'm worried child x is spoiling her appetite with all these biscuits/snacks/every cocking thing in the cupboard she's asking for at our house. What do you normally give as a snack, etc?" If the reply is that they let her help herself then you can gently explain that's just not possible in your home.

Katy07 · 15/01/2017 09:50

'Have a drink of water - it'll take the edge off any hunger until you go home.'
'If you're that hungry you'll have to go home earlier then because we're not eating until x'

Gooseberryfools · 15/01/2017 09:54

That cheesecake sounds awful!

Katy07 · 15/01/2017 09:54

Or you could ask the parents (in a serious voice) if she's got Prader Willi Syndrome "because she's constantly demanding food and with the amount I've having to give her she can't still be hungry...' That way you're being a concerned parent and not complaining about the fact that the child is eating you out of house and home regularly.
It does remind me of The Tiger Who Came To Tea though. Luckily he only visited once. Perhaps you should get a copy to give to the girl.....!

Aeroflotgirl · 15/01/2017 09:56

The girl sounds like she has good issues, not helped by her parents inanity to say no, and let her eatwhat she wants at home, when she comes to you, she thinks she can do the same. Your house, your rules, straight talking. What does she do atschool, she can't eat everything at school all the time!

GnomeDePlume · 15/01/2017 09:58

Food was very controlled by my DM I would not have been good at controlling myself if there seemed to be free access.

Well done user1477282676 for teaching your DD some self control around food. It sounds like this little girl has not learned that. Unfortunately she isnt going to learn self control in a few hours of play. Restrict the access to food for the duration of the little girl being at your house.

I wouldnt say anything to the little girl's mum mainly because I know the mortification I would have felt.

Summerwood1 · 15/01/2017 10:02

I think you should offer her something like carrot sticks instead or an apple,I bet she'd soon turn her nose up at those.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 15/01/2017 10:04

LOL@ Prader Willi syndromeGrin

We can't possibly know if the girl has food issues as we don't know how how much the OP is giving her- her portions might be miniscule compared to what she's used to.

buttonmushroomex · 15/01/2017 10:07

But as a mum I'd rather know my son was being rude and grabby. Then I could deal with it.

I'd much prefer that than his friends parents dreading having him come round...😞

We have a kid here now for a sleepover and he really pushes his luck. He's very rude and grabby, his parents provided a family bag of mini mars bars to share with DS in front of a movie. He tried to eat the whole bag for himself at 9pm (he's only 8 years old) I said ok let's just check with your mum and dad if that's ok and he quickly backtracked. 😂

I expect my DC to be parented just like the kid they are visiting. And if that means a telling off and a strict no, then so be it.

If she's whispering to your DD as others mention them call her out on it. "Stop asking DD to get things as you will get her into trouble"

My DS now just comes an says "mum X keeps nagging me about xxxx" or tells the boy "no, go and ask my mum if you're that bothered" 😂