AIBU to find visiting child greedy and rude?

[user1477282676]

I might be unreasonable and I might not. Either way, I'm sure you will all tell me.

I want to know what to do in this situation.

DD is 8 and has a little friend who is very close to her...also 8. The friend, every time she visits which is quite often, walks in and immediately asks for food.

She will usually ask DD who then asks me....I offer lunch or snacks as normal but this child is simply never full....if you offer her a biscuit tin, she will take 6 biscuits...a handful...I've stopped offering her...I just give her two biscuits now...but DD will sometimes sneak the tin out on this child's request. I've spoken to DD about it and she says the kid just goes on and on about it

.DD is allowed to get herself a cracker or something and does so without asking as she never eats anything really unless she's hungry...but this child will literally eat ALL the crackers there are...so two packs of cheesy crackers...just bought and meant for snacks for DD for a week are now gone.

I made them pasta and cheese which they like...with a side salad and ham.

The visiting child will say "Can I have more cheese? A LOT more?" in a way which I find rude...she'll expect half a block!

I don't give it...cheese is frigging expensive here and it has to last as I"m on a budget.

What do I do about the constant demands/requests for food/more food?

I usually just say "That's enough for now" or similar but then literally five minutes later, she will be whispering to DD "Get the cakes out of the freezer!"

And DD doesn't like saying no but knows it's unreasonable and so will ask me then get upset/concerned that her friend hasn't got what she wants.

I DO feed them....not small portions...but this is not ok with me and I just know what to do about it! I don't want to appear mean but I also don't want this child eating what would usually last for a week in one day!

I thought lots of 8 year olds ate adult sized portions, mine do t even as teenagers,
Anyway just implement a eating between meals rule, And maybe reduce the length of the play date,

Meet her at the park/ walk in the woods, stop having her in the house. Break her associating visiting your daughter with just eating food.
Then gradually introduce play sessions at yours without a food/ snack.
Then hopefully you can get to a normal visit with food.

Just to give a little bit of possible perspective on this.

I was a bit like the visiting child. I wasnt underfed at home but by god the food at home was boring! Also my DM was very much of the 3 stodgy meals a day with no snacks between school of thought.

My friend's house was different. He got a little pot of sweets mid-morning and any visiting child got the same. It was part of the attraction of going over on a Saturday morning and not playing at my house. They also had colour television which was allowed to be on on a Saturday morning (we still had B&W and it was certainly not switched on in the morning except for cricket!).

Could you buy some 2-minute noodles and basic biscuits like Nice to fill her up? Pretty cheap.

I was the child that wanted more too - and as skinny as a rake. At 8 I had no concept of the cost of e.g. cheese. I do like a PP's idea of carrots though. A big bag of carrots is cheap - I'd give her free reign over those (but if she goes through those and wants more then I'd be stumped)!

I agree with Rainydayspending, try to disassociate the visits from food for a while.

I don't get why all the angst, just keep saying no, it's not polite to keep asking and repeat , tell your dd to stick up for herself and keep saying no, if she keeps going in just say ' right I think we'll have to phone tour parents to collect you now '

You see I'd never do what penelope suggests m just say no, don't go out of your way to accommodate her, I mean how long is she there ? It's not like she lives with you !

I'd offer water as well as a snack and insists she drinks it. Thirst can sometimes present as hunger -greed- .

Penelope I am on a budget...I don't see why I should buy special items in order to fill someone else's child up! Especially when I'm already feeding her quite well.

I'm with lilac - it's not your job to feed her, you're doing it out of kindness and politeness but she's taking the piss - hide all snacks and say no, call her parents to pick her up if she goes on and on.

It's unfair on your DD to have to manage her - you need to step in.

Once you've said 'no' then it IS ok to tell them off for asking again.

Being greedy and moaning and nagging for constant food are all rude and all worthy of a dressing down after a warning.

Just allow her to have whatever you would allow your daughter and say no to anything else.

Telling DD that she has to asks for things is a good idea.

If the child is awkward about it ask if she would like to go home then?

I reckon your food is just much more appealing to this child than the stuff available at their own house.

To add - I feel your pain though OP. My friends DS is similar with food. He can hear a food wrapper rustling through 2 doors in a force 9 gale and will appear at your side saying 'what's that, can I have one' whenever anyone has anything. He is certainly not starved or deprived of treats at home and I'm sure my food is much less appealing than what he is used to, he IS just greedy.

I wouldn't give it a second thought tbh,just say no there aren't any more snacks and leave it at that.

I had a child rifle through my coat pocket recently in search of snacks! That play date, I spent quite a lot of time saying "In my house, we don't have any biscuits / cake / chocolate...". She even tried opening my cupboards to check! I stopped her, but it was very wearing and rude.

I think you need to be clear and up front - we will have an apple when we get in, tea is at (whatever time), there's nothing else. If you nag about food, you'll go home early.

I think you are over thinking this, just treat her like your own and say there are no snacks now, go and play. Repeat!

My ds has a friend like this, we just to joke with him saying he had hollow legs and give him his tea. He got the picture after me saying, no more food now go and play.

I agree with Baylis and Pants, I wouldn't necessarily think she's greedy and rude, more likely to feel sorry for her that she is so preoccupied with food that it overrides any sense of adherence to social convention, which most kids that age are aware of, and would usually be keen to abide by. We've got a couple of neighbouring kids like this who often come over, but I do a 'this is when we'll eat, this is what it'll be and that's that, don't ask' when they walk through the door, and they rarely do it these days. Spares them being on the receiving end of irritation and resentment, which of course they'd be able to sense. DC1 can get quite anxious about things like outings to new places, and I can see her in a playdate situation driving her hosts to distraction prior to an outing, needing to over-confirm details like the length of the journey and whether they know the way, and I know she'd so much rather not be the odd kid who asks 'silly' questions, but it's on her mind so she feels compelled to. So I give the kids preoccupied with food the benefit of the doubt.

Nothing will fill this child up as they are not eating because they are hungry. They are eating because they are bored or thirsty. Or maybe it is a learned behavior from home.

I would be having a word with the child parents, I would be be telling them that I can not afford to feed their child other then dinner so if their child needs extra snacks all the time then they need to supply them.

I think you have to put on your BGP and say, nicely - no more food now, please stop asking. Or - no more food until teatime, please stop asking. Followed if she asks again by - no. When you see how she reacts you can decide whether to have her round ever again.

I was a very hungry kid and a dinner lady once told me I was greedy. It really upset me and it still pops in to my head sometimes even now. I remember feeling very ashamed.

Some children have really big appetites and they're not trying to be greedy.

Just give same amount of snacks you give your daughter and if she asks for more just tell them there isn't any left. Same with extras at meals - can she have extra cheese? No, it's been used up etc etc.

When your DD's friend is here could you tell your DD she can't go and get her own snacks, you will make them for her. So DD doesn't worry about being told to get things. Put out of reach and then give snacks yourself.

Is she bored op? If I'm bored I can't stop eating..

is this afterschool?
can you make a sandwich for after school, i know mine were ravenously hungry after school.

and then make the evening meal
and agree, say No more
you know its not good to give in to more snack requests for your DD so dont give in to her friend's requests.