AIBU to find visiting child greedy and rude?

[user1477282676]

I might be unreasonable and I might not. Either way, I'm sure you will all tell me.

I want to know what to do in this situation.

DD is 8 and has a little friend who is very close to her...also 8. The friend, every time she visits which is quite often, walks in and immediately asks for food.

She will usually ask DD who then asks me....I offer lunch or snacks as normal but this child is simply never full....if you offer her a biscuit tin, she will take 6 biscuits...a handful...I've stopped offering her...I just give her two biscuits now...but DD will sometimes sneak the tin out on this child's request. I've spoken to DD about it and she says the kid just goes on and on about it

.DD is allowed to get herself a cracker or something and does so without asking as she never eats anything really unless she's hungry...but this child will literally eat ALL the crackers there are...so two packs of cheesy crackers...just bought and meant for snacks for DD for a week are now gone.

I made them pasta and cheese which they like...with a side salad and ham.

The visiting child will say "Can I have more cheese? A LOT more?" in a way which I find rude...she'll expect half a block!

I don't give it...cheese is frigging expensive here and it has to last as I"m on a budget.

What do I do about the constant demands/requests for food/more food?

I usually just say "That's enough for now" or similar but then literally five minutes later, she will be whispering to DD "Get the cakes out of the freezer!"

And DD doesn't like saying no but knows it's unreasonable and so will ask me then get upset/concerned that her friend hasn't got what she wants.

I DO feed them....not small portions...but this is not ok with me and I just know what to do about it! I don't want to appear mean but I also don't want this child eating what would usually last for a week in one day!

I think you should just simply say no. It's not like you haven't fed her anything!

It reminded me of the time I was moving house and was selling some things we no longer needed. I had a couple come round to take the garden gazebo which needed taking apart. They were well aware they needed to take it apart themselves and were only paying the equivalent of 5 quid for it. They turned up with their two children and no tools. I had to find some tools for them. whilst I was doing this the kids were in my fridge helping themselves to fruit juice! I was absolutely gob smacked! I then went to help the parents and the kids had helped themselves to a huge bag of crisps from the cupboard! When they grabbed a box of chocolates from the cupboard I took them away and had to tell them to get out of my kitchen. They then managed to break a vase. I figured I was about 30 quid down by the end of it...

Orange peels Noooo!!! I am gobsmacked. What kind of mad house did they come from?

Orange peels

Op seriously just stop allowing her round

stitchfusion do you? I don't find it strange at all.
The OP is on a restricted budget and therefore has to meal plan. There's nothing strange about that at all, in fact it used to be completely normal.
There is no reason why anyone, child or adult needs to eat whenever they feel like it and its perfectly acceptable to say 'no, there's no more' once the food has gone.

I have no qualms whatsoever about saying no to visiting children wouldn't give it a second thought must be very mean!

Ime it's the opposite and if anything it's picky non eating which is a little annoying. One child refused all food offered (run of mill every day food) and would only eat plain pasta. Some kids seem to have a junk food only diet and reject anything else which I find mildly worrying for them.

You're not mean at all, Kerala. I've had it all, from kids who knock on my door asking for food (think they were genuinely hungry so tried to give them something), kids who try to invite themselves to dinner when I've only got enough for my own children, kids who turn their noses up at 'basic' brand foods, etc etc.
I was brought up old school, you never helped yourself without asking the person in charge of the food budget and cooking (Mum) and in someone else's house you never ever asked, you waited until you were offered. Thats how I brought my kids up as well. If they don't like it, tough.

What you are giving the 8yr is plenty. ESP if there for 3hrs

If she says she is hungry after /before meal. Offer her water

Maybe offer bread and butter /jam - if that is cheap in oz if you want to give her something

Or just say no. Make clear to your dd that you will say no if she asks for her friend - which I do think is sneaky of her friend

Oh yeah, I've had that one as well. The friend whispering to my child to 'ask your Mum if we can have a biscuit/ice lolly/packet of crisps'.
No, you fucking well can't .

Thinking about it, I don't remember this being a thing when I was a kid.

You didn't expect to get fed if you were only there for a few hours. Unless you came over for dinner.

Unreasonable to expect the play date (they were never called play dates either and the term irritates me) and some sort of all you can eat running buffet too.

Still say two crackers is not a snack though.

Why are snack foods more expensive in Australia? Is all food pricy there?

It would appear so, Titaniascloset www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/compare_countries_result.jsp?country1=United+Kingdom&country2

Titania, yes, snackfood is pretty expensive here.
Basic biscuits are about $3 a packet, crackers $2-$4, a single doughnut from a bakery $4.
I was in the UK last year for a couple of weeks and Waitrose was cheap for us, compared to Aussie supermarket.
And don't get me started on the price of toiletries and cleaning products!

Food is comparitively cheap in the UK. Even so, many British parents are unable to, or prefer not to, provide a steady stream of food for children. Nothing wrong with that.
Personally I do consider a couple of crackers to be a snack, just as a couple of biscuits would be a snack.

Give her what you would give your daughter and nothing else.

If she persists tell her off (calmly) for being rude.

Don't invite her again if she doesn't respect your rules.

OP gives a substantial lunch plus a light snack for a three hour playdate. This is plenty.

Also, I don't understand the hang-wringing about "what if the poor child is hungry". So what? There's nothing wrong with feeling hunger, in fact, it is a perfectly normal and healthy response to not stuffing your face every minute. And it makes tucking into your next meal all the more satisfying.

I once had DS1's friend's mum on the phone, asking me whether I'd had DS 'checked out' due to his eating habits . Now, he's alway had a good appetite, particularly at the moment as he's having a growth spurt, but this was quite unexpected.

His best friend, I'd noticed, eats like a bird. I'd serve him a third of what DS eats and he'd still leave half of it. So I could see that his mum was judging DS's appetite based on what her son would eat. I've never worried about DS though as he is tall, skinny, active, healthy and eats a good diet.

I had to have a word with DS about not constantly asking for more food, snacks etc when at others' houses. For one thing, they may not be able to afford his giant appetite. He was about 8 at the time, and he understood perfectly without taking any offence he just asks for another dinner when he gets back home now.

I'd do what others have suggested and offer a snack when they arrive, then carrot sticks. After that, no more snacks - just say you don't have anything else available and she'll have to have a snack when she get home. If that doesn't work, speak to her mum.

roomba agree with everything you said.

I don't think the snack prices are too bad in Australia. 'Naice' Arnotts brand biscuits are $3 a pack but Coles supermarket copies are 99c. And Ive never met anyone who cant afford to get some two-minute noodles in.
I don't think Trifle is being difficult or nasty at all.
I think the OP doesn't like the visitor because she perceives her as rude, and so is digging her heels in on principle. If it's about the money, just buy a loaf of bread for a dollar and let them have toast. You sound pretty tight to me and you're defending yourself by saying snacks are expensive when bananas are often $2 a kilo, a loaf of bread is a buck, and you can buy biscuits for 39c.

I don't buy biscuits much...I'd rather my DC didn't eat a lot of sugar...I don't let them eat them when they want that is.

Call me "Tight" all you like but I AM on a budget. I can't bloody afford to go replacing things up to ten dollars or more just because this kid's eaten it all!

The other cheap snack is homemade lollipops (if you're in a warm bit of Oz or maybe even if you're not). Over here it's easy to get hold of reusable lolly moulds - fill them up with diluted squash or diluted fruit juice, maybe a slice or two of left over fruit - anything you have that's really cheap basically.

Yes, I was going to suggest this too. If you don't have lolly moulds, then just ice cube trays will do - a little bit of squash or juice in an ice cube tray, and tip a few out into a bowl - it costs pennies (well, cents) and it will take her ages to munch through them.

Your options are either to tell her not to eat the food, or get more food for her to eat, but if you're reluctant to do either of those I'm not sure what to suggest. Send your DD to her house instead?

Could the child have Prada-Willi (??) syndrome? That one where you don't have the gene/chemical/whatever that tells you you're full? Therefore sufferers are literally constantly hungry as they don't ever feel like they've eaten anything?

It's a long shot I know! She might just be greedy and love to see what she can get, especially if she doesn't get it at home...but you never know!

Given Prader-Willi is rare and usually associated with learning difficulties, and child obesity is common, it's not going to be Prader-Willi.

Just the much much more common, grown up being fed too much so never learnt to regulate their own appetite.

Why are people still suggesting ideas for snacks? Are they not aware that it is entirely reasonable to expect a visiting child to go a whole 2-3 hours without eating?
chippy Prada-Willi is quite easily diagnosed, certainly by the age of 8. Don't think it would have gone unnoticed.
What is more likely is that her parent(s) have allowed her to eat continuosly, rather than setting proper mealtimes and giving her the food that she actually requires to meet her nutritional needs. As a result she thinks she is hungry and needs a constant supply of snacks, and is becoming overweight as a result.
The OP is perfectly entitled to refuse to pander to this over indulgence.

I'm interested to know whether the OP is being taken advantage of by the parents of this child. Does the child get sent over to OP'S to play because she's a nuisance at home? How often does the OP'S DD go there? Is the OP being used as childcare unofficially, the parents using her as cover for their work when there is no one home?

I think considering ways in which your DD and her friend can still play together outside your home would be a good idea, particularly where you can encourage activity for the friend; and also break the habit of arriving at your home and expecting food. You can shorten the duration of the play dates, clearly three hours is too much. She associates coming to your home with getting food. You can say if she turns up an hour before lunch for example, that it isn't convenient to play then. Unless you have arranged with a parent for her to have a meal with you, you are not obliged to give one.

What is it with snacks nowadays.We never ate in between meals ever as children let alone expect to be given snacks at friends homes. If children can't go a few hours without food there is something seriously wrong with today's world. A drink, yes but not food.