Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 10 11

Original poster

AIBU to find visiting child greedy and rude?

270 replies

user1477282676 · 15/01/2017 03:41

I might be unreasonable and I might not. Either way, I'm sure you will all tell me.

I want to know what to do in this situation.

DD is 8 and has a little friend who is very close to her...also 8. The friend, every time she visits which is quite often, walks in and immediately asks for food.

She will usually ask DD who then asks me....I offer lunch or snacks as normal but this child is simply never full....if you offer her a biscuit tin, she will take 6 biscuits...a handful...I've stopped offering her...I just give her two biscuits now...but DD will sometimes sneak the tin out on this child's request. I've spoken to DD about it and she says the kid just goes on and on about it

.DD is allowed to get herself a cracker or something and does so without asking as she never eats anything really unless she's hungry...but this child will literally eat ALL the crackers there are...so two packs of cheesy crackers...just bought and meant for snacks for DD for a week are now gone.

I made them pasta and cheese which they like...with a side salad and ham.

The visiting child will say "Can I have more cheese? A LOT more?" in a way which I find rude...she'll expect half a block!

I don't give it...cheese is frigging expensive here and it has to last as I"m on a budget.

What do I do about the constant demands/requests for food/more food?

I usually just say "That's enough for now" or similar but then literally five minutes later, she will be whispering to DD "Get the cakes out of the freezer!"

And DD doesn't like saying no but knows it's unreasonable and so will ask me then get upset/concerned that her friend hasn't got what she wants.

I DO feed them....not small portions...but this is not ok with me and I just know what to do about it! I don't want to appear mean but I also don't want this child eating what would usually last for a week in one day!

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 15/01/2017 11:28

OP, this is what Kitty had to say:

The child is overfed at home and is preoccupied with and over-invested in eating. I think as others have said, you should stick to your guns and be kind and firm and suggest she goes home.

So when the child is hungry, Kitty thinks you should send her home instead of offering her a snack. I think that's mean. I also don't think it was what you wanted to do, but I may be wrong.

Piglet208 · 15/01/2017 11:29

I always adopted the "our house, our rules" to help with this kind of situation. You wouldn't let your dd overeat so refuse to let her friend. Help your dd by reminding both girls of the rule about 2 biscuits or crackers then nothing until dinner. Serve whatever you normally serve. If you don't give into her, she may stop asking. Explain to your dd why you will be doing this and suggest she answers pleas from her friend by saying " oh we aren't allowed to do that here". How the friend is allowed to eat at her house is her parents' concern.

kittybiscuits · 15/01/2017 11:32

OP thanks for your efforts to help Trifle understand what I've actually written, but they seem to be working some other angle

confuugled1 · 15/01/2017 11:33

I've found grated carrot takes up more space in your stomach than carrot sticks. If she's really hungry and pestering your dd I would serve up a pile of grated carrot to be eaten piece by piece with a cocktail stick... It will take ages so no time to eat other stuff. If she is really hungry she will persevere. If she is bored she will leave it and then you can refuse other snacks as she hasn't eaten the first one so she can finish that...

Obviously clue your dd in to what you are going to do first!

I would also announce when she arrives that you have got xxx as THE snack for their time playing together and when it's gone that's it.

The other cheap snack is homemade lollipops (if you're in a warm bit of Oz or maybe even if you're not). Over here it's easy to get hold of reusable lolly moulds - fill them up with diluted squash or diluted fruit juice, maybe a slice or two of left over fruit - anything you have that's really cheap basically.

Trifleorbust · 15/01/2017 11:35

I also have to be honest here and say I would be cautious about play dates full stop if giving a child a few extra crackers was going to break the bank. Not everyone eats like a bird and it really isn't unreasonable for people to be suggesting an apple or a biscuit. The little girl shouldn't be trying to wangle food constantly but a cracker is hardly going to fill her up

Maybe it's not the best time for you to be inviting people round if you really can't afford to feed your guests more than this?

VladmirsPoutine · 15/01/2017 11:38

trifle stop being wilfully indignant. The OP is on a budget and knows what she can and cannot afford. As far as she's written there is enough food in the house to feed all those who inhabit it well. She cannot accommodate a child who seems to want to eat a weeks worth of crackers in one sitting - and rightly so.

haveacupoftea · 15/01/2017 11:38

How often is she round at your house?

Trifleorbust · 15/01/2017 11:40

VladmirsPoutine: I'm not being indignant. I'm suggesting she stops accommodating the child, since she can't afford to feed her.

kittybiscuits · 15/01/2017 11:41

More obtuse TBH!

WellErrr · 15/01/2017 11:41

Fucks sake trifle, are you meaning to be so rude and unpleasant?

There's nothing wrong with being able to ill afford constantly feeding someone else's child, besides giving them a meal.

How bloody nasty of you.

Pringle2628 · 15/01/2017 11:44

I hate greedy kids, I just don't understand why the parents don't have a stop on it. Because to be quite blunt they will eventually end up fat.

When parents have kids who are say 8 and say things like oh there in age 11-12 clothes and I just think that's not because there big for there age it's because they are fat for there age!!!

At Xmas I bagged up all the kids selection boxes into 3 bags and put there names on. I have been taking bits out of my 2 kids bags and then DSS came over and said why is my bag so full and there isn't to which I replied 'because when I've been eating bits I've taken it out of my kids bags and left yours' (because I know he would moan if his has been eaten where as my kids share and never mind). So anyway I thought I'd be nice and let him have some of his Xmas sweets and the full bag was demolished in approx 15 mins!! I couldn't believe it! My kids still have 2 half full bags and when I let them have them they take 2 things at a time. I can't even say anything to my DP because it causes an argument. He acknowledges his son is chunky but will not do anything at all to tackle it before it becomes a long term issue!
Last night he ate his tea and then finished of his dad's tea!! And then had 2 yoghurts and then a bowl of ice cream!

Trifleorbust · 15/01/2017 11:45

WellErrr: Not meaning to be nasty at all. I just think wanting more than a cracker or a carrot doesn't make an 8 year old greedy, so if you can't afford to consider some cheap snacks (50p here for a small packet of biscuits or some apples) you should maybe consider not having as many play dates.

SuburbanRhonda · 15/01/2017 11:45

The OP didn't answer when I asked if she liked this child, but it sounds like a combination of not being in a position to buy enough food and not really liking the child.

So, OP, have you thought about alternating with the other mum and having your DD go round to hers to play?

WellErrr · 15/01/2017 11:45

Of course you mean to be nasty. At least own it.

SuburbanRhonda · 15/01/2017 11:47

pringle

You don't like your DSS much either, do you?

joystir59 · 15/01/2017 11:47

is it possible that her parents are trying to help her become a healthy weight by restricting treats at home. Therefore when shes at your DDs house she sees it as an opportunity to have what she doesn't have at home.

This

BWatchWatcher · 15/01/2017 11:51

If the child is getting fat, then don't feed her fatty snacks.
Frankly crackers aren't a great snack anyhow. How about cut up vegetables with yoghurt or hummous as a dip? Or cut up apple.
Say 'this is what we have for today'.
My son got 4 big bags of sweets as birthday presents from friends. I paid him £2 for them to save as cinema sweets for the whole family and tucked then away.
I don't think commenting on how the child is being fed at home is helpful. It's hearsay from a child. All you can control is what happens at your house.

Trifleorbust · 15/01/2017 11:51

WellErrr: Nope. I think the OP is being somewhat unreasonable in insisting that people shouldn't suggest cheap snacks because she can't possibly stretch to an apple for an 8 year old guest and that child must be fed from what she has in (although what she has in has to last two weeks so the child can only have one). That being the case, don't invite this obviously quite hungry child round.

Katy07 · 15/01/2017 11:53

I wouldn't ask the parents if she has Prader willi syndrome, its a serious genetic condition that causes learning disabilities and behavioural problems. Often children will try to eat anything , not just food
I was joking with that - it was a tongue in cheek way in which the OP could use it to raise the issue with the child's parents without coming out and saying 'I'm sick of your child eating all our food constantly'. The OP could sound concerned about the child and not critical of the child or her parents. I've never seen it mentioned on Mumsnet (haven't been around for that long and don't read all the threads) so actually I wasn't sure if people would even know what I was talking about!
I don't think it's up to the OP to feed the child at all, or certainly no more than she'd be feeding her own child during the same time period. Particularly since the child is already overweight (but equally because she can't afford it and shouldn't have to)

kittybiscuits · 15/01/2017 11:53

I generally think it's best to ignore a poster who is obviously trying to derail the thread.

thatdearoctopus · 15/01/2017 11:53

You don't like your DSS much either, do you?

WTF? You've decided that based on one anecdote?

Jeez, what on earth is the matter with MN at the moment?

KinkyAfro · 15/01/2017 11:54

What makes you say op doesn't like the girl suburban? Just because she won't let her eat her out of house and home doesn't mean she dislikes her.

Stupid comment and I wonder if you've read the thread at all

PUGaLUGS · 15/01/2017 11:54

But cheap snacks in the supermarket are limited as I understand it?

Pringle2628 · 15/01/2017 11:57

Yes of course I like my DSS I just can see a problem with weight especially when they themself keep mentioning that they are fat.

The problem is that everyone mentions weight but no one is tackles it. My DP is underweight and I have the opposite battle with him trying to make him eat man portion meals.

As for not liking DSS it's not about that I have massive issues with weight whether that be with myself, friends, family I just cannot understand why people over indulge or snack heavily between meals.

KinkyAfro · 15/01/2017 11:58

And why should op buy other things ffs, she's feeding the kid enough as it is

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 10 11

Swipe left for the next trending thread