to think if you're married you have a joint bank account and joint finances

[User100]

So my wife and I have a joint bank account and joint fiances, all our money goes into and our of joint accounts. This seems to me entirely normal; the vast majority of our expenses are shared/family/kids e.g. mortgage, household bills, days out with the kids, grocery shop, kids clothing, kids clubs etc. Obviously there are occasional personal things (clothing, nights out that only involve one of us) but relatively minor in our expenses. It seems genuinely insane to me that we would keep seperate accounts then each pay half of the joint expenses - the admin would be a pain and we're married - even if we get divorced our assets would be split not on the basis of who owns them but as splitting things we own jointly.
I genuinely can't see any other way of looking at things but there is a theme in MN (and elsewhere) that suggests others view things differently. The recent example of this was a thread where someone said "I don't know why I bother working, my income barely covers child care" and numerous people responded "doesn't your husband pay half the child care". That question makes literally no sense to me (for the reasons outlined above). Can anyone explain what I'm missing?

We have separate finances and always have done. We were married almost 10 years before we got a joint account (needed to draw cheques from the mortgage to cover a building project so installments) - and while that is still open, it just has some savings in it.

DH earns and has his own current account and credit card (although I do have a card on that cc for emergencies).

I also earn and have my own current account and credit card.

He pays the mortgage, fortnightly cleaner and a couple of the annual bills (property tax, his car tax, life insurance) while I pay the childcare, groceries, most utilities and some other annual bills. But we do sit down and figure out what is fair, we both have spending money, we both save, if either needs more money at any stage we just give them what's needed etc. And while neither of us looks at the other's monthly statements, we both have a reasonable idea of how much we have in general.

It works for us.

Oh, and while it is handy to avoid raised eyebrows at some spending, or the timing of some spending ("why are you buying "Santa train" tickets in July?" - when they sell out before August!) - I also had the need to be able to manage my own funds and the household when DH was spending 50%+ of his time overseas and I needed cash for au pair, food in the cupboards and was managing the household in general around his absences. But he also needed to be reasonably certain about what was in his account for times when his travel arrangements went wrong and he had to book emergency flights himself or buy a new wardrobe of clothes when the airline lost his bags (again!).

Cannot imagine Dh in any circumstance clearing our account and running off unless he had a blow to the head or something.

Db said the same, as did everyone who knew her. Right up until he went into the bank and realised it wasn't a mistake, all their accounts were cleared, close to 50k.

No way to get it back either. By the time it went to court it was gone. Apparently because it's a joint account there's nothing to stop one party taking it all without permission.

I also wonder why those who only have one joint account are making such awful comments to those who don't,,,examples,,,lack of trust, escape route, not committed, runaway fund, different standards of living, arguing over who pays for meals, asking for half the milk money, eating steak whilst the other has a burger. All completely made up crap.

The only thing I genuinely can think of is these people wish to god they had their own accounts as well as a joint one, and are jealous. The people with their own accounts are making up no such crap about those with a single joint account, and are all happy and non judgemental. Those without are being vicious.

If uou want uour own account on top of the joint one, and uou can afford it, there is enough left after the joint expenses then have one.

Works for everyone posting on here. 😃

Blunt - there have been comments made about those with joint accounts being vulnerable to partners running off and clearing out the finds though.

My position is probably a bit different to many in here in that I've been a SAHM since we got married. Its been absolutely fine re- money as we have a joint account and that's it. DH is self-employed so does move funds around between investment interests and his companies etc, but I completely trust him with this. He has a will outlining how I could access the various accounts etc if it came to that - much of it is in my name anyway for tax efficiency. I could not have been a SAHM if he had given me some kind of "allowance" over the last 15 years because I would have found that extremely patronising. It's all family money and we have 4 DC. We rarely, if ever, discuss what the other is spending day-to-day because I suppose we have a similar attitude to spending and trust each other to live within our means.

I think in a marriage all money should be "our money" however I don't see anything wrong with separate accounts , if it works for you great some may find it claustrophobic not because they have something to hide but you still are individuals if you are married kids or no kids

We have entirely separate accounts. Works for us.

Personally cannot imagine Dh "clearing out" our joint account and running off with his secretary. A bigger risk in my eyes is him getting knocked off his bike meaning I would have to deal with all his affairs as well as my own.

Neither scenario worries me. We both earn enough to run the household on our own should the other decide to clear off (unlikely, IMO), and no joint accounts means no accounts to be "cleared out". Should one of us die or be unable to work through illness/injury, well that's what we have insurance for. In that scenario, the mortgage will be paid off. All bills are paid by DD so either there'll be money to pay them or there won't. Having access to each other's accounts won't magic up money that isn't there.

DH and I have always had separate accounts and it works well for us. If DH needs money I will give to him, and if i need money he will give it to me. Having the separate accounts doesnt mean we don't share our money. Depends on the situation, sometimes we split an expense, sometimes I cover it sometimes he does. It's easy to argue about money, but equally if you trust your partner it's not difficult to manage your finances in a way that suits you.

Happily married 25 years and the only joint account we have ever had is a savings one which as we like to travel gets emptied regularly so we both know where we are with it.

I gave up a 20 year career to care for my disabled Son and it was important to me (and still is) to have my "own money" That said, my "own money" is also considered family money as is DH's so all finances are covered by both our sole accounts as and when required.

We love to buy each other surprises and treats too on a regular basis so having sole accounts also helps with this.

Every couples dynamic is totally different, we just do what works for us.

Loving all the posters saying that it's unthinkable that their husband could have an affair and run off with their money. Like the legions of people who HAVE HAD THIS HAPPEN TO THEM totally expected it.

Sunbeam18 Loving all the posters saying that it's unthinkable that their husband could have an affair and run off with their money

Works both ways too. Until I meant OH later in life, I thought it was totally unthinkable that that would happen, and arranged my personal financial security accordingly.

Much as I love him and plan to spend my life with him, I'm not giving up that independence I worked so hard for for the sake of having two names on a chequebook for appearance's sake (or so someone who values that more highly doesn't judge me)

Sunbeam

Do the people with just joint accounts also just have joint credit cards?

Reading the thread reminded me that dh and I have joint and sole credit cards. But on the joint cards (which are our "main" cards) he's the first/main cardholder as he did the admin. I guess if I was so minded I could put £50k on the cards, feck off and paying it off would, I believe, be solely dh's problem.

14/01/2017 21:15User100

Allthewaves - "I will never have a joint account with dh as he lacks any money management skills." But you presumably own a house together and if you're married then if he is declared bankrupt they'll repossess your home and destroy your credit rating so it's not like you are sheltered from that. TBH my money management skills aren't great - my wife tends to do the day to day money management side of things because it's something she's far better at.

No because the house is solely in my name

We both have our 'own' account and a joint account. We both put a set amount into the joint account each month and that covers food, household bills, petrol and general living expenses.

The money left in our own accounts is for our own spending, hair cuts, clothes, gym memberships etc. He has more money after the joint account because he earns double my salary, but he has more outgoings, child maintenance, the mortgage and council tax comes from his account.

He tends to pay for most things like holidays and nights outs, I buy most of our DS's clothes.

I moved into our flat 8 years ago but he owns it. When we buy together we may change it and pool everything.

Works for us.

Dh and I operate (for want of a better word) our finances the same way as Doilooklikeatourist because that way works for us.

Doesn't matter how people operate their finances, if it works for them, it's not relevant to anybody else.

Dh and I have separate accounts. He earns the most and pays the majority of larger bills, his own catalogue and mobile phone. I pay electric, gas, food, dcs clothespecially nappies milk ect. My mobile phone and my 2 catalogues. It just seems a load of faff to change everything. Although, I have begun to wonder whether money would be managed better jointly.

Our money is shared. We have some joint and some separate accounts- ISA's, Premium Bonds and Pensions can't be joint.
We have joint current accounts and as we save and overpay the mortgage at the beginning of the month we are quite happy to spend most of the rest. There's enough to go round without scrimping or bickering about it.
All our properties are jointly owned and equity is where most of our money is.