AIBU to ask how you deal with playground cliques!

[Onthedowns]

My DD just started reception last year was warned about certain playground mums but ignored it however! There are three mums with younger children who seem to be glued together all the time before school, after school, parties they don't speak to anyone esle or make the effort. One if them I find particularly rude I have stood aside for her to pass and she hasn't acknowledged me just looked straight past me, they never smile say hello or intergrate. She ignored my DD chasing after and calling her son on the way home once too, if I hear someone calling my DD I make sure she at least acknowledges Them, considering my DD was running right beside her she couldn't miss her! I don't speak to every mum either but make an effort to smile and say hello to the ones I see regularly. I know not everyone will get on etc but considering our children are in the same class for the next however many years I find it strange you don't acknowledge people you see every day! It's my dds bday soon and I will be inviting whole class but these mums I don't feel I want too - but of course I will as it's not their children. so how you experienced mumsnetters battle through the minefield of playground politics!

You're going to make yourself ill if you're as bothered about this in reality as you are on here. In a nutshell some people you have nothing to do with don't acknowledge your presence and that's causing you angst? And that odd reference to "threatening" would make me wonder more about your propensity for turning a molehill into a mountain.

As a mum who was pretty much completely ignored on the play ground I can identify to a certain extent with this group. Not everybody is a gregarious person who feels comfortable being the centre of attention, or worrying about every single little detail of people who are pretty much irrelevant just to been seen as a friendly person. I'm probably BU but I'm genuinely pleased I never really got involved in the playground cliques and mafias and hey I'm still here standing and my kids are doing well as for now in secondary school

No I initially came here for advice but it seems to have turned round to me being paranoid over the top etc etc. The statement was threatening how will I make a name for myself when these three women are already doing that? No I don't get het up aboitvit in real life hence using the Internet to vent

When I invite their children to my dds party in a month should they come I will do advice you suggest and ignore them!

Smile, be polite, make eye contact but keep it short. I had/have very few schoolgate mum friends, they were all a fair few years younger than me (not that it matters but I was nearly 45 when DD started Reception). I also used to get there (especially collection) as late as possible to avoid the ten minute "waiting period" before the gate was unlocked. However DMIL, who picked DD up for several years knew them all, first name terms, she was their best mate!!! (she even made knitted dolls for many a 5 year old). This did me a lot of favours.
I found it easier once I got really friendly with the mum of DD's friend in year 2, she was new to the area and we hit it off. I just remember thinking that all the young mums were looking at me and thinking, "is she mum or granny??".....they probably weren't though. Thank goodness my schoolgate days are behind me.

It's not a weird obsession I have just come on here to ask for opinions and had to explain myself continually , as I don't make an issue about it in 'real' life how will I make a name for myself? Honestly that's a really sad comment to make

No, you'll say hello, goodbye and thanks for coming, like anyone who is hosting children whose parents they don't know does. It's not an issue. You are inexplicably making it one. I can't get my head around it.

Presumably, in your day-to-day life so far, you've had to deal with people who you perceived as behaving rudely towards you (I can't imagine that you've never encountered less than ideal attitudes in your entire life until your brief experiences with this 'clique').

So, how did you handle such situations in the past?

I would say you have to train yourself to plaster a smile on your face and make sure you look as if you are oblivious to their snidey/ superior/ rude or whatever behavior. You won't win and it is absolutely a mistake to try and 'sort them out' or 'make them say hello back' or whatever.

It is quite a skill to NOT be upset by other people's behavior and to get on with your own life. I would tell myself that I am on a learning curve to maintain my dignity and NOT be bothered by this stuff. It will set you up for a happier life if you can do it.

I initially came here for advice but it seems to have turned round to me being paranoid over the top etc etc

The thing is that, from most people's perspective, you are over reacting to the situation. Before you even met the women you say you were warned about them. You seem to have pre-judged them from the start. Certainly wanting to verbally challenge someone for not acknowledging you sounds as if you're just spoiling for a fight. You will get a name as people pick up on things.

Just forget about them and focus on yourself. I'd also forget about all nodding and helloing to all and sundry - just try to relax a bit.

You asked for advice and have been given it: ignore them, get on with your life, stop trying to make a mountain out of a molehill, shrug and walk on by when people aren't interested in interacting with you.
You don't like the fact people here are telling you that whatever issue there is here (and there really isn't) is yours? What did you want us to say?

Oh poor OP, how horrible for you. What a pack of bitches they must be. You should walk up to these women and call them out on their stuck up behaviour and give them a good telling off. That'll make them think about what they're doing, fall at your feet full of apologies and warmly welcome you into their circle.

Is that what you wanted to hear? Guess it sucks to be you in that case.

So for 15 minutes out of the 1440 minutes you have each school day

Yes but it can be the only 15 minutes that you have to interact with other adults.

But MistressMaisie the OP is interacting with other adults during those 15 minutes, the one who 'warned' her about this clique is presumably an adult and so are all the other people she's smiling at and saying hi to. She appears to be miffed with only these 3 women which would be reasonable if they were the only others there when she is there alone but they're not.

I don't think i said I was warned about these women? Just warned about plYground politics ,

No I don't necessarily expect replies in favour but don't expect them to infer I have a mental health problem either

I don't understand this tbh. So what if they've made friends? Lots of women have at my DC school. Some years I've grown close to some, then at times drifted away. Your looking at it all wrong. It's not you back at school again, these women aren't popular mean girls. Don't try win them over, get chatting to others.

I don't think anyone's inferred you have a mental health problem.

You're not listening to what people are telling you. You've had some good advice - try to take it onboard as you'll be very unhappy if you carry on trying to engage with people who simply have their own friends and don't want to get to know you. Treat the school run as just that - a school run - not a place to meet friends.

I don't get this, sorry. I go to school to pick up my dc, not to make friends. I'm polite to people but I don't need to be best friends with them or be part of their groups. We probably don't have much in common anyway except our dc. Playground polítics? Life is too short.

Just to point out the obvious here, there are other reasons for not making eye contact other than being snotty.
My friend is legally blind, but none of the school mums know it. They probably think she's a snotty cow because she doesn't make eye contact too.

I have to agree with pp that you seem determined to make a "thing" out of this and are choosing to ignore everyone who suggests it's really not that big a deal, why you would want to create a drama and ill feeling when there is none would make me think that you are the type of person who causes problems in the playground, not them.

When I invite their children to my dds party in a month should they come I will do advice you suggest and ignore them!

FFS, you are the playground politician. You are what your meddling mate is warning people about.

My advice is to stop treating this as a battle to be won because nobody else knows they are fighting. Just act like a normal person. If you want to invite them to your dds party invite them. If they come then say 'hello, thanks for coming' and then do what ever you are doing with the other people. Say 'would you like a drink' or 'we are all sitting over here' or 'I'll take this lovely gift and put it with the others'. Then move on to the next guest.

Really? So I am the meddling one asking for advice on 3 women who are continually rude not just to me. I am not asking and never says they should be friends or I should force friendship it all started as ignorance and manners like I explained. But as you say I am sure I will get it two fold back . Guess I have been going wrong in my life and I should just be an ignorant bitch

No, your mate is the meddling one prowling around the playground with her big wooden spoon 'warning' people about 'certain playground mums'.