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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask how you deal with playground cliques!

335 replies

Onthedowns · 11/01/2017 21:55

My DD just started reception last year was warned about certain playground mums but ignored it however! There are three mums with younger children who seem to be glued together all the time before school, after school, parties they don't speak to anyone esle or make the effort. One if them I find particularly rude I have stood aside for her to pass and she hasn't acknowledged me just looked straight past me, they never smile say hello or intergrate. She ignored my DD chasing after and calling her son on the way home once too, if I hear someone calling my DD I make sure she at least acknowledges Them, considering my DD was running right beside her she couldn't miss her! I don't speak to every mum either but make an effort to smile and say hello to the ones I see regularly. I know not everyone will get on etc but considering our children are in the same class for the next however many years I find it strange you don't acknowledge people you see every day! It's my dds bday soon and I will be inviting whole class but these mums I don't feel I want too - but of course I will as it's not their children. so how you experienced mumsnetters battle through the minefield of playground politics!

OP posts:
pictish · 11/01/2017 22:53

Why does it bother you? They are friends that are content among themselves. It's not something you need to conquer. They don't owe you the time of day. I know that's blunt but really...what's the need for this?

Basicbrown · 11/01/2017 22:56

Well what's the need to be rude just because they are rude to you Pictish? We're meant to be adults, not exhibits in a zoo.

pictish · 11/01/2017 23:03

Err... Confused

I'm not in the business of being determined to get people that have no interest in me to acknowledge me.
There's a similar little group of mums at my kids' school (which is pretty friendly), whereby they stick to one another like glue and avoid any interaction with anyone else, even a simple 'hi'.
I couldn't care less. It's no reflection on me.

ageingrunner · 11/01/2017 23:06

Agree with Pictish. It's pointless to get upset about some people who don't want to be friends with you. They don't care. You're just increasing your own blood pressure!

justgivemethepinot · 11/01/2017 23:11

I don't get all the adult playground politics. You drop your kids off and leave, you pick them up and leave. Sometimes you pass the time of day. Surely that's it.....isnt It?

MonanaGeller · 11/01/2017 23:13

I don't speak to every mum either

So you're a self-confessed hypocrite?

I never understand the 'playground clique' threads. There's always a whiff of arrogance about them: 'How dare they be friends each other and keep to their established friendship group?! Why aren't they queuing up to be my friend??!!! Everyone should want to talk to me!'

MrsDustyBusty · 11/01/2017 23:16

And them there's a parade of other posters suggesting that the friend group must be terrible people/jealous/plotting something/think they're so great.

Or any combination of the above.

It's very silly.

cece · 11/01/2017 23:18

If they are a group of friends they are probably just talking to each other like friends do. They aren't deliberately ignoring you or anyone they are just chatting amongst themselves. Really don't give them a second thought. Smile and chat with some of the other mums...

Ankleswingers · 11/01/2017 23:18

Don't give them another thought as I very much doubt they are considering you.

It's a learning curve.

Like a pp said the only thing you all have in common is that you all had babies around the same time.

My DS is in Y1. There are some lovely mothers in his class and equally there are some right snotty rude ones.

I'm friendly with a few ( the nice ones) and quite frankly couldn't give a flying fuck about the others.

Go about your everyday life and really don't give these people another thought. So what if they don't talk to you. Their loss.

BertrandRussell · 11/01/2017 23:19

They were probably friends before their children started school. My dd started school with 6 of the children from our NCT group- I bet some of the other mothers though the 6 of us were a clique. We weren't- we were just friends.

DioneTheDiabolist · 11/01/2017 23:28

I don't even notice them. I drop DS off then I get on with my life.

midcenturymodern · 11/01/2017 23:49

I stand with my BBF when I do school runs now, which isn't often. We've been though a lot together over the past 15 years but with work and everything we don't see each other that much so I really value those 10 minutes a couple of times a week. We also sit together at parties and in church. It's not a conspiracy to make strangers feel inadequate.

Biffsboys · 11/01/2017 23:56

I go into playground , pick up my dc and head home .

MonanaGeller · 11/01/2017 23:59

It's not a conspiracy to make strangers feel inadequate

Exactly. I cannot fathom why some people assume that other people's behaviour is directly related to them. In the vast majority of cases, people are just getting on with their own lives in their own way. Who on earth has the time and/of the inclination to construct elaborate vendettas against other people who are also picking their kids up?

Crumbs1 · 12/01/2017 00:10

I can't see why you would expect them to make overtures to you - it's not rude they just know each other better possibly from nursery or through older siblings. If you want to get 'in' with playground relationships (and I made some of my closest friends in reception class waiting area) then organise something. We used to meet for coffee after dropping off or gather an hour before collecting to have a walk along beach with pre school children. Send a note asking whether people fancy meeting up or just ask them.

Original poster
Onthedowns · 12/01/2017 00:14

Believe me I don't think it's a vendetta or they are obligated to be 'friends' I never said that. What I don't like and I am not used to is rudeness if someone says something to me I acknowledge them I don't think that's a difficult concept? It's surely just manners? The majority of the other mums across two reception classes seem to just smile and nod. I wouldn't attend a party and not acknowledge hosting parents for example? I don't think it's a reflection on me either but it riles me to be directly ignored , I find that ignorant in all walks of life! Work home etc etc

OP posts:
Amandahugandkisses · 12/01/2017 00:15

Zone out from it. Honestly.
There are worst things.

Original poster
Onthedowns · 12/01/2017 00:17

Ignoring me when I say thank you for letting me pass in a narrow lane and looking over the top and straight passed me with making eye contact I find odd. I wouldn't do it to someone esle. Lots of the other mums just do minimum like me smile be polite not walk around with my nose in the air

OP posts:
ghostspirit · 12/01/2017 00:34

That's just how the school run is. It's not worth worrying about. Maybe you could get closer to some of the other mum? Or maybe the ice might get broken at dds party?

I don't rearly talk to the the school. I defo donto get involved with the what I call the in mums. There always seems to be some sort of shit going on.in can't be arsed with it.

Wikkitikki · 12/01/2017 00:46

My youngest is yr 6 and there are cliquey mums at every school. It can feel soul destroying when you have to be around them twice a day!
They can be a strange bunch, one added me on Facebook as our older children were both moving up to secondary but after a while she started blanking me at the gates so I deleted her.

In time you'll find out who the genuine people are and in a few years you won't need to mix with the cliquey 'covens'.

Original poster
Onthedowns · 12/01/2017 04:08

It's a strange thing and possibly noticeable because I am on mat leave currently so don't dash in and out! But it takes all of my willpower not to call her out the other day looking past me like a piece of crap!!!

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 12/01/2017 04:13

I think people should have let you get on with it OP', without dripping poison in yer ear about other mums.

SomethingLikeFlying · 12/01/2017 04:33

There are a few cliques at ds's school. I am friendly with whoever speaks to me but 9 times out of 10 I don't approach people and keep myself to myself whilst trying to keep 2 toddlers happy. Sometimes I have a little natter with someone and then do the same with someone else on a different day and then sometimes I'm stood on my own.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/01/2017 04:57

I've realized I'm in a clique. Now admittedly, it's a clique of the foreign mums and mums with kids with disabilities and challenges. We all found each other and tend to ignore the drama. It's lovely panacea for anyone rude, of which there are very few.

There's only actually two really rude, ignoring, eye-rolling mothers who are friends with each other. But who knows what their challenges and issues are. Chances are shit happened in their lives.

I tend to think that people are the way they are for a reason. Cutting people some slack cost me nothing.

NavyandWhite · 12/01/2017 06:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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