AIBU to ask how you deal with playground cliques!

[Onthedowns]

My DD just started reception last year was warned about certain playground mums but ignored it however! There are three mums with younger children who seem to be glued together all the time before school, after school, parties they don't speak to anyone esle or make the effort. One if them I find particularly rude I have stood aside for her to pass and she hasn't acknowledged me just looked straight past me, they never smile say hello or intergrate. She ignored my DD chasing after and calling her son on the way home once too, if I hear someone calling my DD I make sure she at least acknowledges Them, considering my DD was running right beside her she couldn't miss her! I don't speak to every mum either but make an effort to smile and say hello to the ones I see regularly. I know not everyone will get on etc but considering our children are in the same class for the next however many years I find it strange you don't acknowledge people you see every day! It's my dds bday soon and I will be inviting whole class but these mums I don't feel I want too - but of course I will as it's not their children. so how you experienced mumsnetters battle through the minefield of playground politics!

Seriously rise above it.

I gave chances then completely ignored them. Funnily enough one in question got off her head out of her arse and began to crack a smile(when on her own obviously) when I completely blanked her and refused to make the effort of small talk at assemblies etc.

The other thing is speak to other more polite mums. I can put money on them feeling the same. At our year 6 leavers do it turned out the fact maj did. We were all like why on earth didn't we discuss it and let them make us feel crap.

Also you need to set good examples to your dd. My dd is really resilient with a good sense of humour and rises above similar crap girls her own age do.

Also watch the new sit com American Housewife- it's a hoot and has picked up on several things I have witnessed on the school run.

Secondary school is a joy in comparison,it's great

www.refinery29.com/2016/11/129702/american-housewife-clip-westport-preview

Where I live, people nod and smile at any familiar face. It would be very strange to regularly pass or encounter someone and not acknowledge them. Not to give any sign strikes me as a very odd choice.

The strange behaviour sometimes encountered on the school run can take some getting used.

Ds is now in Y5 and I've perfected my technique to mirror the behaviour of others. For instance, there is one parent who never EVER acknowledges me, I've tried to make eye contact with her, tried to say a friendly 'morning' but nope, I have to imagine she has 10,000 things running through her mind on the school run, so now I just breeze past her. Added to the fact that she never responded to a party invite, with a yes or a no, when I know she had the invite in her hand, so know she received it, I'm really not losing out on the friendship of the century here.

There are other school Mums who smile and say 'morning'or 'hello' as I do, others who I chat to on and off, others who sometimes walk right past me with no acknowledgment but then other days do. Again, I can imagine there's lots going on in their heads, as I've also rushed by thoughts elsewhere, never meaning to be rude, there's just been moments of complete head in the shed. Doesn't happen often though.

OP, it's hard navigating through primary school life. It's not just about your dc, it's also about surviving the playground politics. You will learn to grow thicker skin and shrug your shoulders to the weird and wonderful behaviour of some parents.

Thanks everyone I know what I have to do although I appreciate the other viewpoints good to see a few slightly agree! But rising above it sounds like a plan and obviously don't want it affecting DD

Good for you op. I know you think I've had it in for you on this thread but it was because I was frustrated, I apologise if I upset you. Your dd will make friends her own way and the brilliant thing is the older your dc get the less you need to be involved with other parents. I hope you do make good friends on the school run. I met some terrific people through my dc 😊

Hi after my husband smirked and laughed at me saying twice I had told him this already this morning, and then I manage to get him to listen when he yells at me over and over ' just face it, she does not like you' I turn to mumsnet for the first time for some much need succour.

My dd is in year 6 and so I have known this other mum for 8 years since nursery class. For the few years she smiles but does not engage in conversation or finds an excuse to not engage. It is awkward because i am quite friendly with 2 other parents who has dds in same class. The four ddd and the 4 sets of parents all get on but this mum has started to be unfriendly to me. I have tried the smile and be yourself and not lower to her level and include her when we are all talking i.e. with the other parents but he just looks at me with distain and refuses to engage. She early does not like it when I join one of these parents above that she happens to be chatting with outside the school at pick up. this happened on Friday. I was going to stand back but I said, there are no other yr 6 parents around and I was early and I knew the other yr 6 parent above who is lovely and joined them and chatted and how are you etc an included her but she just sulked and did not say anything. I just don't want this knot in my stomach at pick up. I have tried to ignore but i just feel i need to get to bottom of it. I text her today to see if she was free for a coffee. she text back and said too busy with being executor of her dad's will. i text back and said sorry etc for loss and said shame because really wanted to chat about how I felt and would like to get to bottom of what is the issue she has with me. Have not heard back and don't expect to but I do feel better that I least I reached out and tried. All of the advice above is good. There are so many other people out there who are so warm and kind. I feel just because she does not like me should not stop me talking to the parents who do like me even though she deliberately excludes me and my dd. Sorry but I just had to 'talk ' to someone as my husband just says all the wrong things and I know feeling hurt will fade.

Sorry I meant to say my child is ds. I am still getting used to the acronyms.

There is a difference between a playground clique and a group of friends. For example, the cliquey mums might engage in conversation one day if there's no other clique members walking to school but the next time you see them they completely blank you. It doesn't just happen to me, I know several mums in DD's year who have described the same treatment.

I used to attend playgroups and always went out of my way to include new parents, I hated the idea that someone new would walk in and think it was cliquey.
I started attending a new playgroup and I was absent for a few weeks and when I returned they had been meeting up and texting each other. It bothered me slightly but they weren't really my cup of tea anyway.

What I liked about the original playgroup was that anyone from any background was welcome because it was in a city centre church. I attended one playgroup where someone turned their chair around so their back was facing me! The funny thing was that playgroup was literally my local one and these other mums weren't even local yet they froze people out.

I have noticed that the cliquey mums are like a flock of sheep at my DD's school, have to dress the same and consist of the same ethnic group and socio economic background. They only want to mix with their own. I'm not like that so it's probably why I never fitted in