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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask how you deal with playground cliques!

335 replies

Onthedowns · 11/01/2017 21:55

My DD just started reception last year was warned about certain playground mums but ignored it however! There are three mums with younger children who seem to be glued together all the time before school, after school, parties they don't speak to anyone esle or make the effort. One if them I find particularly rude I have stood aside for her to pass and she hasn't acknowledged me just looked straight past me, they never smile say hello or intergrate. She ignored my DD chasing after and calling her son on the way home once too, if I hear someone calling my DD I make sure she at least acknowledges Them, considering my DD was running right beside her she couldn't miss her! I don't speak to every mum either but make an effort to smile and say hello to the ones I see regularly. I know not everyone will get on etc but considering our children are in the same class for the next however many years I find it strange you don't acknowledge people you see every day! It's my dds bday soon and I will be inviting whole class but these mums I don't feel I want too - but of course I will as it's not their children. so how you experienced mumsnetters battle through the minefield of playground politics!

OP posts:
pictish · 12/01/2017 16:44

By God OP, I wonder how the hell you've made it this far getting so invested in the conduct and manners of strangers who have no impact on you.

ghostspirit · 12/01/2017 16:44

downs I have not read all the thread. Just your op and your last post. You know that saying pick your battles? It's really not worth it. Just move on and ignore them. Do your own thing.

pictish · 12/01/2017 16:45

They don't want to talk to you or anyone else. GET OVER IT.

NavyandWhite · 12/01/2017 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MonanaGeller · 12/01/2017 16:52

Guess I have been going wrong in my life and I should just be an ignorant bitch

Yeah, just do that.

You're not really engaging with anyone on the thread, you're not responding to reasonable questions, you're not listening to the reasonable advice that has been offered on numerous occasions, and you're seemingly determined to grind this axe down to dust and wallow in this perceived animosity.

You say you wanted advice. Why are you ignoring the sensible advice that has been given many times already (i.e. ignore them whenever possible, be cordial if in a situation where you're required to engage)?

Magzmarsh · 12/01/2017 16:53

Sorry op but you sound like really hard work.

MonanaGeller · 12/01/2017 16:56

Nice try, ghostspirit, but that advice has been offered multiple times already, with the OP repeatedly bleating variations on 'so I should just be horrid like them, should I?'

I haven't seen this level of wilful misinterpretation of basic English for a long time. Grin

Magzmarsh · 12/01/2017 16:58

I get the feeling the op thought everyone would start bad mouthing the "clique" and when it didn't happen she's been determined to make it so. Very weird attitude and not one likely to win her many friends ☹️

MonanaGeller · 12/01/2017 16:59

Exactly that, Magz - claiming to want advice was somewhat disingenuous.

Magzmarsh · 12/01/2017 17:01

Indeed Monana 😎

pictish · 12/01/2017 17:04

"Guess I have been going wrong in my life and I should just be an ignorant bitch"

You really are feeling personally affronted by this aren't you? Confused

You don't have to be an 'ignorant bitch' (wtf?) - you just have to accept that they're not interested and stop worrying about them. They don't care and neither should you.

ghostspirit · 12/01/2017 17:06

Maybe when op has been on the school run for a while like me 16 years she won't give it a thought

ageingrunner · 12/01/2017 17:12

I usually get there just on time and wear headphones until dc comes out. I'm crap in social situations like the school gate. Much better one on one with people. I expect some parents think I'm an ignorant bitch? I don't care though. I probably did a bit when dc was younger though, but I've since realised it doesn't matter at all.

pictish · 12/01/2017 17:12

Yep...I've been a playground punter for 11 years with a few still to go.

One day OP will look back at this and think, "What the fuck was I on about?"
At least I hope she will.

Onthedowns · 12/01/2017 17:18

No I didn't expect everyone to take my view point,and yes it is a new situation. I completely take on board advice of several posters who got an inkling of where I was coming from without personally attacking me. I must be this that and the other. A lot of what I have written has been misconstrued I never said they should be my friends, chat with me for hours etc. I don't like someone deliberately ignoring my DD - chatting to one of the mums who was with me today and saw the incident she thought it was rude to let a 4 year old run after her and ignore her. Like I said I have taken the view points of sensible posts on board - some just saying I must be this the and the other aren't advice just an opportunity to bitch. Exactly what your accusing me of

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 12/01/2017 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Onthedowns · 12/01/2017 17:28

I was chilled out but your one of the none helpful posters just like to have a dig

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 12/01/2017 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MonanaGeller · 12/01/2017 17:33

Ok, so I'll ask again (because you're the one experiencing this, and so only you can find a way to resolve this):

Realistically, what can you actually do about someone who you perceive to be intentionally rude to you on a daily basis? What do you think is a viable strategy, other than ignoring them and getting on with your life?

If this 'clique' of women have consciously decided to be rude to you for whatever reason, you're playing right into their hands by letting this become a point of focus for you.

What else can you realistically do, that wouldn't make you look paranoid or peculiar, other than ignore them?

Really, what do you think your options are here?

pictish · 12/01/2017 17:35

I'm sorry you feel bitched at OP but your determination to make something that doesn't affect you into a 'thing' that does, is quite frustrating.

Onthedowns · 12/01/2017 17:46

Ok maybe it's more I have conveyed it correctly. But yes obviously from a few posters the consensus is to ignore them too which I get. I just find it a strange part of human nature that your children go through school for years together in the same class yet some parents don't acknowledge each other? But yes I take the helpful comments on board

OP posts:
ghostspirit · 12/01/2017 17:56

downs people may not have been very nice to you. I'm not sure as I said I'm to lazy to read all the thread. I have had people be nasty to me on my threads lots of times. You just have to filter it and take what you findicated helpfull. If you respond to nasty bits then it just gos in circles.

Stitchosaurus · 12/01/2017 18:07

I hate the bloody school gate shit! I'm pretty confident and will chat to anyone but still end up standing on my own, feeling like a loser!

But I keep telling myself that people aren't deliberately excluding me, they just have their own stuff to deal with. There is one woman who I think is rude at our school too (blanking me all the time) so now I blank her too - not in an over-the-top way and if she spoke to me, I'd be friendly, but I no longer attempt to make conversation because I don't think rude people are worth the effort.

NavyandWhite · 12/01/2017 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/01/2017 18:10

Just don't take any notice, chat to others.

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