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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask how you deal with playground cliques!

335 replies

Onthedowns · 11/01/2017 21:55

My DD just started reception last year was warned about certain playground mums but ignored it however! There are three mums with younger children who seem to be glued together all the time before school, after school, parties they don't speak to anyone esle or make the effort. One if them I find particularly rude I have stood aside for her to pass and she hasn't acknowledged me just looked straight past me, they never smile say hello or intergrate. She ignored my DD chasing after and calling her son on the way home once too, if I hear someone calling my DD I make sure she at least acknowledges Them, considering my DD was running right beside her she couldn't miss her! I don't speak to every mum either but make an effort to smile and say hello to the ones I see regularly. I know not everyone will get on etc but considering our children are in the same class for the next however many years I find it strange you don't acknowledge people you see every day! It's my dds bday soon and I will be inviting whole class but these mums I don't feel I want too - but of course I will as it's not their children. so how you experienced mumsnetters battle through the minefield of playground politics!

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 14/01/2017 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotYoda · 14/01/2017 12:06

Navy

You aren't that great at letting things go yourself on aibu.

NavyandWhite · 14/01/2017 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MonanaGeller · 14/01/2017 12:11

mona [I'm assuming you mean me ~ maybe not] I think the OP is looking for other peoples' opinions and experiences and the acknowledgement that this exists. not a big ask really.

The thread title requests advice on how to deal with playground cliques, and the OP asks "how you experienced mumsnetters battle through the minefield of playground politics!"

I've given my opinion on how to deal with the perception of cliques, I've given my opinion on how to deal with rudeness in others. She has also received lots of opinions and experiences from other people.

Hence, I'm at a loss as to what your comment means ~ could you clarify?

Cary2012 · 14/01/2017 12:14

OP you've taken a bashing on here.

I get your point about the ignoring and rudeness.

The trick is to not react or give it a second thought.

There are always rude people, in the playground, office,shopping centre, everywhere.

I have worked in the same school for ten years. Most of my colleagues are great, but there are a few who never return a "good morning' in the staffroom, or say thanks for opening a door for them. One teacher in particular is so rude that it's laughable. But he's the one with the problem.

Stay the same as you are, greet everone with a quick good morning, and feign indifference if they don't respond.

The only thing worrying about your thread is that you care too much. If it was a family member or a friend snubbing you, then fair enough. But these people are just a group of random people who have kids the same age. Those kids will form their own friendships, sort out squabbles, keep their distance from those they don't like, it's how we learn.

Invite the class, be polite to all, and don't react to the rude parents.

You need a tougher skin to bounce it all off. Be proactive, be friendly and polite because you have standards and are well mannered. Don't dignify the ill mannered people by reacting or giving them a second thought. They're not worth it.

pictish · 14/01/2017 12:15

"But maybe some posters are like that and that's why they see nothing wrong with rudeness."

I'm not like that...the opposite is true. I'm approachable and chatty.
However, not everyone is cut from the same cloth or observes the same values or priorities. This means that some people aren't sociable in the playground.They just don't care about it.
Of those that don't, their motivation is of no interest to me and their manners are outwith my remit. I employ my own basic manners by respecting their wishes and leaving them alone.

"Maybe it is idealism"

Yes, it is idealism...simplistic and unattainable idealism. It says good things about you that you are annoyed about this, but the more jaded experienced among us know that it's a waste of good outrage.

Don't create negative energy for yourself over these women or any others like them you will undoubtedly encounter in the playground in the years to come. They don't factor in the equation at all.

SisterMoonshine · 14/01/2017 12:17

I'm less friendly to parents who park on the zigzags. I think others might be too.
I bet the zigzag parents think I'm rude, cliquey, unfriendly or whatever.

Giddyaunt18 · 14/01/2017 12:23

mona but you seem to still be making your point in the vain hope that OP will agree with you. Your posts come across in a dismissive way, as though the OP has misread the situation.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 14/01/2017 12:28

I think OP. You have to develop a bit of a thick skin to deal with this. It's not necessarily a cliquey thing. Although I did witness several cliques in DCs last school. Then again. I only had a small circle of friends who I'm still friends with and meet up with now even though both my DCs have been moved from that school. To other outsiders. We probably look like a clique too.

There's one lady at the DCs current school who never acknowledges me even though our DSs often play together in school. I could get offended but as you get older and experience this more you develop a devil may care attitude. In all honesty? Would I want to develop a friendship with someone that far up their own arse reserved? Probably not. So I smile politely and get on with my day.

Playing devils advocate too people are usually in such a rush in the morning and evening on their way to swimming or football clubs a lot of the time it's just misconstrued as ignorance when in reality they're just trying to get home changed and to the next club with 30-40minutes etc.

Just smile politely and keep going. Both my DCs go to quite a naice school now and I always feel slightly out of place. In just over a year, the most popular mum (IMO) now says hello to me in the morning when we pass, one of the mums I sometimes walk home with, always says hello to me and we have a chat. Just before Christmas another mum came up to her, interrupted us mid conversation and asked if she was all set for Friday night when a group of them were going out. In front of me. I could have been offended but in all honestly I'd rather be sat watching Corrie in my PJ's than doing nightclubs nowadays anyway so I cant be too hurt about it. Grin

As long as my DCs are happy and aren't being majorly excluded from things I'm content.

Giddyaunt18 · 14/01/2017 12:28

Actually mona my apologies, wrong poster Blush

ageingrunner · 14/01/2017 12:29

There either aren't any cliques at my school, or I haven't noticed them. I'm not sure which. But I know that I feel much calmer than the op feels when she's picks her kids up.
I think all those who are advising the op to ignore it are motivated by a desire to try and help the op to see that she's not hurting the clique by getting upset/outraged, she's just hurting herself.

Magzmarsh · 14/01/2017 12:31

Exactly ageingrunner. Well said.

Onthedowns · 14/01/2017 12:34

But it's ok for you mags and navy to snip at me in your little agreement posts? I have got what I need from thread thank you. If I respond to your snips it's personal etc. You both suggested it's my problem? Is that not personal insult? Hypocrisy at its best. Thanks giddy aunt exactly. Seems I am not allowed to defend myself without being called bitch nasty etc etc

OP posts:
MonanaGeller · 14/01/2017 12:37

Actually mona my apologies, wrong poster

No problem, that explains my confusion! Smile

Onthedowns · 14/01/2017 12:38

It's coming across as affecting me as I have to keep defending and repeating myself. When I picked up yesterday I didn't think twice about it. It seems that unless I agree with mags and navy then I am in the wrong. Some posters in disagreement with me have taken the time to write thought out informative posts not snippy replies

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 14/01/2017 12:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Magzmarsh · 14/01/2017 12:47

Nobody called you nasty or a bitch op, you on the other hand inferred that I am. When you start a thread and it doesn't go your way you have to accept that this is an open forum and you can't control what people post.
I suspect you thought you'd get a lot of replies like "god yeah op I had years of having to deal with these nasty cows... i got them told....now they all live in dumpsters, karmas a bitch meh hahaha" and when that didn't happen you got bitter and defensive and changed the focus of your op away from "cliques" to a bemoaning about "manners" in modern society.
I'll leave you to your misplaced sense of petty grievance and suggest you take the big old plank out of your eye and try and be happy.

MrsDustyBusty · 14/01/2017 12:48

Alright op, they are appalling individuals who are friends specifically to spite everyone else and are probably plotting all kinds of nefarious things inna cliquey stylee.

Onthedowns · 14/01/2017 12:58

Nothing to do with replies once again your the ones that won't drop it and I keep repeating myself I am only directing towards you both as your the ones that have been snippy. I accept all the views like I keep saying if I didn't I would be directing it towards everyone. I don't expect everyone to agree or side with me , you have both inferred the problem is with me, not read the replies I have written just interpreted what you think called me nasty, in my head etc etc. The only time you come back with anything useful is when I respond directly to you both and neither of you like it back. I only got bitter and defensive toward you both like you have been with me short sharp snappy replies. No where esle have I directed anything towards something esle. Maybe as you both suggest neither of you like it when someone doesn't backdown to what you think either

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 14/01/2017 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Magzmarsh · 14/01/2017 13:13

Good luck with the school run for many years to come op, you're going to need it.

ageingrunner · 14/01/2017 13:29

If you want to spend the next 6 years feeling upset and angry while doing the school run, that's up to you op. But there is an alternative. Just saying Smile

Onthedowns · 14/01/2017 13:36

See I haven't said I am going to ignore advice you have just assumed again. You have both been rude back so actually maybe you both need to grow up too

OP posts:
Onthedowns · 14/01/2017 13:37

And I have read of all of the replies from other women and taken all on board you both refuse yourselves to see any other view point but your own

OP posts:
ageingrunner · 14/01/2017 13:40

Op...do you think magz and navy are a clique? 🤔