AIBU to ask how you deal with playground cliques!

[Onthedowns]

My DD just started reception last year was warned about certain playground mums but ignored it however! There are three mums with younger children who seem to be glued together all the time before school, after school, parties they don't speak to anyone esle or make the effort. One if them I find particularly rude I have stood aside for her to pass and she hasn't acknowledged me just looked straight past me, they never smile say hello or intergrate. She ignored my DD chasing after and calling her son on the way home once too, if I hear someone calling my DD I make sure she at least acknowledges Them, considering my DD was running right beside her she couldn't miss her! I don't speak to every mum either but make an effort to smile and say hello to the ones I see regularly. I know not everyone will get on etc but considering our children are in the same class for the next however many years I find it strange you don't acknowledge people you see every day! It's my dds bday soon and I will be inviting whole class but these mums I don't feel I want too - but of course I will as it's not their children. so how you experienced mumsnetters battle through the minefield of playground politics!

best advice I got re playground - "Be friendly to everyone, even if they're not friendly to you." it helps you rise above cliques and you'll find your own folks in the process. IME cliques are made up of incredibly insecure people who need to be in a clique to feel validated.

They're probably completely oblivious to anyone else as they feel secure in their little group - it's unlikely to be personal, just rude and clearly they haven't been brought up nicely like you!

Have 4 kids in various stages of school and u will come across cliques throughout your whole school-run experience. I always think it is more prevalent in reception though when new parents have only just started and tend to stick with the people they already know. As their kids get older and branch out making new friends u will find that the parents probably will too. I don't even notice or bother anymore, why would u want to be friendly to someone who doesn't acknowledge u?

I'm a 2 strikes and your out kinda girl!!

this is exhausting.

you went in looking for trouble, carry on like this and you might find it. But It will be your own fault.

you must be knackered looking for offence all the time :(

IGNORE THEM! Shut them out of your peripheral vision even.

BTW, has anyone else noticed this phenomena living in the UK...? You get to know another mum, have a lovely long (fairly meaningful) conversation with them only for them to ignore you and go out of their way not to notice you next time they walk past you.

Picture this: you see said mum walking towards you in the street, you lift your head up, try to make eye contact and get ready to say 'hello', however, as they get near you she (deliberately) looks in the opposite direction and walks past you without paying you any attention or acknowledging you.

Oh and some of the parents in my children's classes also do this.

I've asked my foreign friends if they had also noticed this and they all agreed that British people especially in the south east were real experts in this-type of antisocial behaviour.

They are just people who happen to have children the same age as yours. Some people are rude; they may be like this.

I think I thought everyone with children would magically be sort of nice when mine were little. Or maybe I just thought they'd be like me.

I think, as others have said, just be friendly.

Maybe the 'clique' mums are timeworn, weary old boots like me with older kids - sick to death of doing the effing school run and just trying to get through it whilst interacting with as few people as possible.
I've got four kids and youngest has only just started reception - Honestly it's like Groundhog Day!

I hate people talking about school cliques as Im pretty sure people say that about me- I have been doing the school run for 14 years now and have been chair of the PTA and a member of the school board and I run the yearly school talent show etc. I bet people see me and say I am a snobby bitch or a stuck up cow or whatever. I have a few friends in the playground but I also often stand alone or just with littler DS.
IME people use the term clique to avoid having to make the effor themselves to join in committees and do some work for the school. They will be first to moan but last to volunteer.
I reckon if I had a police line up of the parents of the 45/50 kids in dds year (now in her third year of primary- 2.5 classes in her year) I could pick out maybe 20 children's mums and 3/4 dads. The others I will see sometimes daily but still not know, some will obviously work and not be at pick up. I don't knowingly ignore people but I may be busy thinking about the logistics of getting dd home and changed and fed and back out in time for gymnastics via picking up and dropping older dd from school and to work or whatever... and so I may "ignore" people who just aren't on my radar.

Honestly OP just let it go and if you have a party you can offer mums to stay or not as they see fit. As you go up the school the parents matter less and less anyway for your child s friendships. Perfectly nice kids can have awful mums and vice versa.

earlgrey
Snap ! Well- fourth will be in p1 come August... it feels very much like Groundhog Day!!!

I used to dread certain groups. Just keep smiling, they will sit together at the party, hopefully buy a nice card/gift and be a bit friendlier afterwards.

Why does it bother you so much? Forget about them and enjoy your own pals. Life is too short.

I've only read the OPs posts and it sounds like you're being goaded big time!

I understand you're complaining about manners and decency but other people are twisting your meaning.
I think these people might be the types who don't say thank you when someone moves aside to let them pass!

Thanks the last page I have had some really good advice, and like some of suggested I will rise above and ignore it. Like I have suggested they do know we are in the same class etc etc. Navy is goading as I have already suggested this. But yes I will just keep smiling!

I don't understand why people get hung up on so-called playground politics. I have my own group of friends and didn't feel the need to be best friends with the mums whose children happened to be in my dc's class. I found that you didn't have to be pals with the mums for play dates to happen. I would just politely ask the mum if their child could come to play, and was never refused. Likewise other mums used to ask mine over for play dates. You really only have sight of them for a few minutes twice a day in the playground. The three mums you talk about may have been friends before their dc's started school and just don't feel the need to integrate with other mums. You might get to know some mums over the next few years, enough to chat with them, but you just don't need to be friends with all of them. I made a couple of nice friends, but the friendships fizzled out once dc's left primary school.

Nobody goaded you op.

Will they accept the party invite, or are they cliquey enough to try to create divisions amongst the wider class. With DS1 we had an unhealthy clique did this. Nasty business. With DS2 we didn't and was by far a more pleasant experience.
Not worth doing much if they do do the divisive thing. Smile, be polite, move on and certainly don't feel bad about yourself.

Just arseholes. They are everywhere. I can almost guarantee they cry themselves to sleep Just rise above it as feel sorry for them....and their kids! Xx

Rubbish I have said I will move on!!! My posts have been me explaining myself and feelings more after replies. Nothing about not moving on or taking heed of some of the advice