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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it you work from home you can still help out?!

218 replies

MusicalChairsOh · 11/01/2017 15:20

Dh worked from home today. (First day he has when ive not been at home with the dc) I went to work, took both dc to nursery which made me late as he was going to do it but sprung it on me 5 minutes before we all had to leave that he had to wash his hair before taking them so I just took them instead.

I've come home and all curtains are still closed, lights are on and everything is exactly the same as how I left this morning.

I'm now running about picking things up from the morning rush and sorting things out.

Aibu to think yes you are technically working but you could still help out even out of basic courtesy?!

OP posts:
Mindtrope · 12/01/2017 22:27

One of the advantages in working from home is that I can get the basic housework done and a simple meal prepared.

Viviennemary · 12/01/2017 22:44

Washing his hair was a joke. I'd have been furious. But I don't think much housework can be done when people work from home. But taking a bit out or unloading dw could be done.

jacks11 · 12/01/2017 22:46

YANBU

He could definitely have opened the curtains and I think having agreed to do the nursery drop off to suddenly announce he needs to wash his hair 5 minutes before he would have needed to leave to take the children to nursery was taking the mickey IMHO.

If he isn't having to commute to work (or do drop off at nursery/school) then he could have done some housework in the time he would have spent travelling? For instance, surely he could have loaded dishwasher or put a load in the washing machine or done a quick hoover in that time, or even during a break/lunch. This would have had no impact on the time he was due to be working. He definitely should be doing his share of house work once he was finished for the day.

Dinomum79 · 12/01/2017 22:47

YANBU
I work from home a lot and do household tasks . Nothing major just a bit of tidying up / popping washing on/hanging some washing out. I do it while waiting for the kettle to boil and tend to take a shorter lunch break.
He could easily have done a bit of tidying, it's just not as important to him ? Xx

moongirl123 · 12/01/2017 23:09

YABU. I am an engineer, if I work from home I need to concentrate fully, and it's even harder than at the office. Yes some things take seconds to do but it breaks the concentration which will cost me more time to regain when I get back to work. I would do little housework like the dishes but only during lunch hour.

Lifechanging2017 · 12/01/2017 23:22

I think the washing hair and leaving the towels on the floor is a bit strange and if he had already agreed to take the DC to school I would be annoyed at the last minute change.

Like I said before I work from home and when I am working, I am actually working and I normally don't even stop for a lunch break, let alone to clean the house. My DP works from home occasionally and on those days I never expect him to do anything around the house. He isn't one to multitask either so if he is working, he will be 100% focused on work. Moreover we don't have the type of relationship where we make the other account for the hours in our day. He will often take a 30 minute lunch break in the day and when he does that he sits outside for some fresh air and reads a bookI would never expect him to forgo that to clean up or do laundry. I would also be really unhappy if I wasn't allowed to use my spare hours in the day to do things that make me happy. That being said, my DP does not have a lazy bone in his body and we always spend 20-30 minutes in the evening tidying the house together and he does the majority of the cooking and kitchen cleanup whilst I do the laundry. Perhaps the OP and her husband should have a system where they do the sameeach evening they spend 30 minutes cleaning together. We actually really like this part of the day, because we put on music and dance around the house together while we clean, light candles and the use the time to chat about our days.

melj1213 · 12/01/2017 23:46

TBH it seems to be a disconnect between the OP and DH that just needs to be discussed properly.

The OP and some PPs see WFH as the more "flexible" option when they don't mind dipping in and out of work all day - where a bit of basic housework is not an inconvenience to their work.

The OP's DH and other PPs see WFH as the more "focussed" option when they need to work without distraction - where a bit of basic housework is very inconvenient to their work.

Neither viewpoint is wrong, but a couple with differing expectations of WFH need to work out a way to make their arrangement to work for them.

liletsthepink · 12/01/2017 23:50

The worst thing that OPs DH did is make her late for her work. He sounds like a lazy, disrespectful and vain man.

pringlecat · 12/01/2017 23:53

When you're working from home, you're working from home. If you keep stopping and starting, you break concentration and you end up taking longer than necessary to get a job done. It's totally unreasonable to expect someone working from home to do housework during those working hours unless you believe working from home is just a big fat skive.

However, as has already been mentioned, working from home saves on the commute. In the OP's situation, I would expect her partner to help out more than usual after his work is complete in the evening, reinvesting that wasted time.

MrsMcMoo · 13/01/2017 00:03

I worked from home today. I worked flat out. Apart from doing the school run I was wall to wall deadlines and conference calls. the house was the same tip when DH came home and if he'd have said anything about it, I'd have been extremely pissed off. Wfh is exactly that, work. I'm not being paid to do the washing up.

kimann · 13/01/2017 00:17

when i work from home i usually have a little bit of time while waiting for the kettle to boil to load/unload dishwasher. I usually have a working lunch so i sometimes put a wash load on/hang out after, but thats about it. Most of the work i do while working from home involves conference calls and planning, both of which need concentration because most things have to be logged online while connected to others on video calls.

I would think your OH could at least open the curtains and do a dishwasher load though - unless he is on the phone all he time?

user1484268181 · 13/01/2017 00:46

Truly? When I WFH (aim to 1 day/week), I still have the dog walker come by. Curtains don't get opened. Yes to school run and loo breaks. But that's it. You do what's expected from you for work during those hours. You get the job done. There's always more to do the next day. Both at home and work. Give each other a break.

Woolyheads · 13/01/2017 05:45

I work from home.
My home is very untidy.
I do not tidy up.
Because I am working.

I would however not have the nerve to shower while my OH does chores!

jennielou75 · 13/01/2017 06:29

I wish I could work from home but there isn't enough room for 30 6 and 7 year olds in here!

bibbitybobbityyhat · 13/01/2017 06:41

I can't stand people who leave the curtains closed all day.

anoriginalusername · 13/01/2017 07:25

Extra chores during the time you would be commuting/on lunch = fine and normal.

Hoovering, cooking meals and doing the laundry during your core working hours is not ok at all unless you are making this time up. Anyone who thinks otherwise..... I can imagine your colleagues don't feel so chuffed with this!

2rebecca · 13/01/2017 07:40

The hair washing could have waited until his shower. I would rather have kids late for nursery than me late for work. The DH sounds lazy around the house but the OP doesn't prioritise her or her husband's work.

teaspoonsofjoy · 13/01/2017 07:45

I work from home - a mixture of writing and phone calls etc. I have a lot of deadlines and its pretty busy. But I do get a lot of chores done at the same time. I have a hands free phone headset and will often tidy or put a wash on as I am talking (if the call is an informal one with a regular colleague) and will cook the evening meal at lunchtime. However, I do these things because I am happy to it I can without reducing the quality of my work. If my partner started expecting this to happen or complaining that I hadn't done it I would not be impressed. Working from home can be quite mentally challenging and many people have to have good routines and strong boundaries in place in order to not become distracted so personally I would never mess with anyone's working pattern if their office was at home.

FV45 · 13/01/2017 07:47

original I really think it depends on the work people do.
I very, very often prepare a meal (15 mins to get it all in a pot on the stove). I have a very brain intensive job in academia. I get the work done. I have breaks. I've done this job for 12 years and know my colleagues very well. If I was going to take the piss I could do that in the office or from home.

I shall go for a run today. I shall do my online shop (just reserve the time), open the door to Autoglass. I also won't have either of my kids this evening so will be working quite late.
I might go for a swim as well. It all works out.

TheNaze73 · 13/01/2017 07:53

I think YABVU.

Working from home is as intense as working in an office, in a high profile position & doesn't mean dicking about watching Homes Under The Hamner

Marynary · 13/01/2017 08:16

Neither viewpoint is wrong, but a couple with differing expectations of WFH need to work out a way to make their arrangement to work for them.

Whilst I agree with the rest of your post I don't agree with this comment. It really isn't up to the partner to decide or even have an opinion or expectation on what housework should be done by the other person during working house when they are wfh. The "arrangement" is between the employer and employee not between the partners.

Bobochic · 13/01/2017 08:18

I wouldn't expect any housework or meal preparation from someone working from home. I would expect them to ooen the door to delivery men.

helpfulperson · 13/01/2017 08:25

I'm not sure why people feel that waiting for a kettle to boil is 'empty' time that can be used for household tasks. Just as in the office whilst waiting for the kettle I go back to my desk and answer another email or make a quick phone call.

Original poster
MusicalChairsOh · 13/01/2017 08:53

I wasn't expecting him to have done a deep clean of the oven or mow the lawn. Of course I would be v unreasanoble to 'expect' this.

He had 1 hour in between us leaving and him clocking on for work!

Plenty of time to have a shower and open the curtains, pick up laundry, make a coffee and then sit down in front of the laptop with time to spare.

OP posts:
Original poster
MusicalChairsOh · 13/01/2017 08:54

Unreasonable*

OP posts:
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