To feel successful?

[DaftJelly]

I don't really. But I'm sliding into depression and doing a 'count your blessings' exercise.

Reasons to feel successful/worthwhile.

I have three great kids who do well at school and have lots of friends.

I live in a beautiful house and have spent the last couple of weeks tidying it to within an inch of its life.

Dh is wonderful and we have a lovely marriage.

We have enough money for extras most of the time.

I've lost two and a half stone in the last few months.

I get out of bed every day and get all three kids to school, ds2's school run is a two mile round trip and I walk it with the dog 😇

I usually cook a decent evening meal.

I haven't had a drink since the day before NYE.

These are the things I'm focusing on today (while trying to ignore all the terrible things about me).

Anyone else? It's a really useful exercise. And this is prime depression time for a lot of people.

Katy I think you have your own agenda here with that age old mn debate about success or luck. Start a separate thread if you want to pick that bone. This thread isn't a suitable place, even if you dress it up as helping the OP.
I haven't got any agenda at all. And I'm not dressing it up. Or trying to rehash anything that might have been said on MN before. I'm just giving my opinion the same as everyone else. I thought that was the idea of AIBU.... I haven't been bitchy, I haven't sworn at the OP (or anyone else on here unlike some), I haven't said she's worthless or not successful or anything else negative. I've just expressed my point of view. Unfortunately it seems that if you're not a lemming then you're not permitted to contribute.

I am still vaguely young while not being vaguely old. This means i am starting to be old enough not to give a hoot about what idiots think.... at last.

Have two great kids although the eldest will be buried in a shallow grave if he calls me a hobbit one more time (long hairs on big toes too painful to pull so I leave them)

Good husband who is like a nuclear heat source in bed at night. Bring on the snow!

I'm out of work but there are companies interested in employing me so fingers crossed.

I have low level depression and anxiety but it makes me more sympathetic to others in the same rough sea so there is an upside to my gift.

I have no close friends whatsoever but this will be the year I do something about that and stop being so afraid to let people in.

My house is a tip but it is warm and cozy so there is that.

...... and seriously, to the poster who accused the OP of stealth boasting when she was counting her blessings, FRO and then keep F'ingRO.

Op I'm really sorry you've received such horrid replies on what was meant to be a positive thread.

Some people should be ashamed of themselves, of all the threads to come and nit pick. For all you know your words could easily push op further into depression. There's nothing like kicking someone when they're down, eh? But suppose it doesn't matter as long as it makes you feel better

Katy, you can't be that dense, surely? You see that the OP is struggling with depression and listing some things she's grateful for to stop a backslide. You can clearly infer that she's here for support. Why come along and question whether she's got a superiority complex because she's not focusing on "luck"? What can you possibly hope to accomplish?

Frankly, I've been where the OP is (in some respects). Even if she came on here to say that today she'd been able to give her kids two Fruit Shoots each before dropping them at private school and blocking her elderly neighbour's drive with a Range Rover (or whatever enraging MN stereotype you like), I think most posters could have found a way to cheer her on for putting one foot in front of the other while telling her to move the car.

The whole "Oh, I'm just expressing my opinion" shtick seems (to put it mildly) disingenuous.

OP good for you, keep focused on the positives. Negative thoughts can drag you back into depression.

Keep going OP - focus on those positives!

It's the focus on 'success' rather than 'luck'. To me it suggests a feeling of superiority and comparison against others

i think you've nailed it here Katy07, that may be what YOU think but realise that not everyone else has to feel the same way about other people's achievements and that doesn't make them lemmings.

Lots of people have the emotional intelligence to realise it's not all about them and are able to feel happiness for people, even strangers, who have achieved things or have things in their life that make them happy without seeing is as a comparison / judgement on themselves or as a reminder of what they have or haven't got in their life. Especially if that person is struggling and are looking for a bit of support.

As an example, I'd really like a dog but I can't have one. I don't read EssentialHummus' post about spending five minutes with a dog in the park and feel like she's being superior or boastful to me in my no dog state. I read it and think what a lovely, fun filled five minutes that would have been < I've deliberately used a small example but this could used about a house, clothes, diamond shoes, having kids, not having kids - practically everything.

My point about lemmings was that you seem to believe on here that everyone has to have the same opinion i.e. in this case they all have to applaud the OP. Anyone who doesn't gets slated. That shouldn't be the case. Provided that posters are polite then they should be able to say YABU or YANBU according to what they think. They shouldn't feel that they can only post if they agree with the majority.
And I'm not questioning whether the OP has a superiority complex, I'm merely saying that the mention of success makes ME feel uneasy because it makes ME think about other "generalised, not remotely specific and not aimed at this OP" people as seeing themselves as superior to those around them. I only posted originally because someone else (equally foolish to me obviously) was suggesting the same thing & I was stupidly trying to explain why the OP's initial post could be misconstrued in that way. That'll teach me.

I don't see how giving up alcohol, losing a significant amount of weight, exercising daily or cleaning a house from top to bottom has anything to do with luck though, Katy, which is what you were calling OP's list, rather than successes.

Success means accomplishing a purpose or aim, and OP has. Rather a few aims, in fact. She's done brilliantly and I think it's great that on a day when all is going so well for her she has taken the time to share it. That's the kind of thing that my therapist encouraged when I was coping very badly (trauma rather than MH issues) though I wouldn't have been confident enough to share it on MN.

KOKO, OP.

It's because I mentioned the house and some people live in a happy meal box on the motorway.

Mea culpa.

Ffs Katy, give it a rest. You're coming across as a proper dick

Daft

Oh Daft that took me straight to that Monty Python Four Yorkshireman skit.

That's what's been on my mind for most of this thread tbh

That's an amazing list OP. Sometimes when I'm down I'll say to DH, I don't have any friends and be all depressed and really believe it. He says wtf are you talking about and lists folk who've recently cared about me or I've been out with. When I'm down it's incredible how easily I discount see the positives.

Always funny!

One thing I've always thought, and I haven't read a book on count your blessings but I'm guessing it's in there, is the idea is not just to appreciate small things that make you feel good, but also to note down good things that happen on the day you are in today. One of the difficulties if you put down things like 'my lovely husband' is that of course he's a normal person and may not be lovely all the time, and it's also too easy to trick yourself back into saying 'he's so lovely, why does he put up with unlovely me?' which is what the OP has done on the negative post.

I have always seen counting your blessings as recording the sometimes little but lovely things that happened in a day so that the day itself is worth something. You start to see that even in the midst of everything, even really difficult times, you can still appreciate or even enjoy life.

So today:

1. My husband made a really generous offer to do something and take a burden off me this week as he knows I'm very tired at the moment.
2. I saw some pink berries on my walk home, they really were pink! They were so pretty in the middle of winter.
3. There was a very loud bird on the way home that sang louder than the traffic.

Doing this also takes you back to the mood or moment when you saw the nice thing or the nice emotion you experienced when you were taken care of, and that way you can build a bank of good feelings/memories even in really quite bleak days.

I've noticed a lot of my little nice moments in the day are to do with nature, even though I'm not an outdoorsy person, so perhaps that's why walking even if you don't feel like doing it is a good therapy as well as the endorphins (which I am not convinced are ever released when I go for a walk!)

Found myself smiling and nodding when reading Foureyes posts, thank you - they've just become one of my positives for today.

to all struggling with depression.

Op, it's great that you are doing this. Whatever you focus on, you get more of, so yes, dwell on the things that are working, the good stuff, whatever you have you feel grateful for, think about it, post about it. I always found with depression that the world comes and meets you half way, if you can keep your mood up, a little bit of positive something will come your way to add to it.
Don't worry about the nasty posts, it says lots about them, and nothing about you x

Though there have been some lovely encouraging and helpful posts on this thread .... must go and watch that four yorkshiremen's sketch .... I'm thinking the discussion might have gone better in Chat than AIBU.
AIBU can be ruthless can't it? Best avoided in my experience, except possibly for something very light-hearted.

KOKO ..... I like that!

I actually ended up having a really positive day yesterday.

I walked on after the school run and took the dog to the country park for a run. I came home and got through two loads of washing.

I had a shower, tidied up a bit and invited ds2's best friend for tea.

I then managed bedtime like a pro and even got ds2 into his own bed, dh goes out to a class on Wednesday evenings and it usually all falls apart.

Loads of achievements. I'm ready for what today brings.

That's brilliant OP. I was thinking of you yesterday evening and noticing a few lovely little things (my language teacher was in a surprisingly upbeat mood, I was able to have a good chat with the new lady in my class). Thanks to you

OP this is a lovely thread thank you.
My blessings are my husband, my two lovely wee boys and a new baby due any day. Also am loving being on holiday and watching the snow coming down. Of course if I go into labour and can't get to the hospital because of the snow it will not be such a blessing

Great to hear you had such a good day yesterday DaftJelly

I had a good day too and got my homework done for my evening course without too much self hassle or drama, went to first day back of course after Christmas break and really enjoyed it. Came home to happy household and DH had cooked tea for us all without any fuss there either.
A very enjoyable and rewarding evening! Oh, and I also popped in to pay for DD's overdue ballet class fees and they were very nice to me about it.

Today I'm meeting up with a friend or two at church run cafe for lunch, and sending off a couple of small parcels, including one from my DD to
her new friend in Slovenia (after exciting trip to Finland last summer, for group of young people from many European countries)

And tomorrow we have a quiet morning (meditation and reflection) at our lovely Quaker Meeting House with lovely garden.

I feel very fortunate and quite positive ATM, which is good as life has had it's challenges.

I hope you have a good day today and tomorrow too OP

I realise I've gone slightly off on a tangent here in a way, but perhaps could be an idea for a new thread? ....."Simple, positive things I've done today or plan for tomorrow?"

I'd love that thread juggling.

That's a great idea! If you start it, I'll post on it.