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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel successful?

177 replies

DaftJelly · 11/01/2017 07:43

I don't really. But I'm sliding into depression and doing a 'count your blessings' exercise.

Reasons to feel successful/worthwhile.

I have three great kids who do well at school and have lots of friends.

I live in a beautiful house and have spent the last couple of weeks tidying it to within an inch of its life.

Dh is wonderful and we have a lovely marriage.

We have enough money for extras most of the time.

I've lost two and a half stone in the last few months.

I get out of bed every day and get all three kids to school, ds2's school run is a two mile round trip and I walk it with the dog 😇

I usually cook a decent evening meal.

I haven't had a drink since the day before NYE.

These are the things I'm focusing on today (while trying to ignore all the terrible things about me).

Anyone else? It's a really useful exercise. And this is prime depression time for a lot of people.

OP posts:
Original poster
DaftJelly · 11/01/2017 08:54

Depression usually means hospitalisation for me btw so it's really important I fend it off any way I can.

I'm really sorry if my op upset anyone else struggling, that wasn't my intention at all.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 11/01/2017 08:55

Yes it was - and I read that. If you are going to list your blessings to a bunch of strangers, for whatever reason, be prepared that it may not help them to do the same and it might bring home to them things that they can't have.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 11/01/2017 08:56

I love feeding the birds in the garden they really cheer me up. Last week it was too dark to feed them before I went to work but this week it wasn't so not only do I get to feed the birds but the days are getting longer too. Double win.

LuxuryWoman2017 · 11/01/2017 08:58

Daftjelly concentrate on the positive posts, you're doing grand!

There is so much support here in other areas of MN, plenty of debt threads, alcohol issue threads etc. Have you taken a look?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 11/01/2017 08:58

Yes it was - and I read that. If you are going to list your blessings to a bunch of strangers, for whatever reason, be prepared that it may not help them to do the same and it might bring home to them things that they can't have.

BlossomCat · 11/01/2017 09:01

Going through the positives in my life is really good for me. It staves off the feelings of worthlessness that can overwhelm me.

Todays blessing is that you managed to overcome the negative feedback from some posters, and kept yourself on course.
Well done for getting through your struggles, OP. Flowers

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 11/01/2017 09:02

OP your list and attitude is great, I don't read it as anything other than your awareness that you have the January blues and given your history, don't want it to slide towards depression (are you bipolar)? I haven't got some of the things others have listed on this thread, but I do have reasonable mental health- is that boasting, or an acknowledgement we are all lucky in different ways?

Is it worth activating your usual pathways of support and treatment if you feel the slide? I really don't know your situation so that may not be helpful, but it may not be too early to raise the alarm and get extra support.

clumsyduck · 11/01/2017 09:04

Stealth boast really ??? Trying to shake off depression by staying positive is what it is

Op this worked for me when I was trying to pull myself out of a bit of a depression a few years back every day I tried to find one thing to be happy about

livia maybe so but then I don't have some of the things on her list . No dh not got a big lovely house . I wouldn't trade those things to go back to having depression in a billion years

Keep positive op Flowers

Original poster
DaftJelly · 11/01/2017 09:06

I've already spoken to my cpn and therapy bods and I've put my safety plan into place (lots of contact from people, no meds in the house during the day, no cash) and I'm using my skills. This is really the first time I've been ahead of it properly, I think because I was on the lookout for a January slump.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 11/01/2017 09:07

Ok I'm sorry - I tried it and it made me feel worse, valuing my life against the criteria that people use just makes it look like I have nothing, that's all. But maybe I'm too far down the line for it to help.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 11/01/2017 09:08

At least you have access to decent MH services OP - now that IS positive!

EnormousTiger · 11/01/2017 09:10

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corythatwas · 11/01/2017 09:11

I think most people who take the trouble to read a post would see that someone who has to congratulate themselves for getting out of bed every day is not coming from a place of stealth boasting. Well done you, OP! And absolutely right to focus on the positives.

As for me:

I've had the central heating fixed in my office (no actually, my colleague saw to that), so I'm not going to freeze all January

dd is going through a rough patch but I know she is going to keep her promise to her brother and not do herself any serious harm- I can see her using all the techniques she has been taught

I've just looked up some info about Easter that my mother has been wanting off me for weeks- nothing in the least scary but I get mental blocks about these things and feel like I just can't do it and then they grow and get bigger and bigger

yesterday I sent off a course proposal that I found really daunting- again, most people probably wouldn't think that was much of an achievement, but it is a big thing for me

Original poster
DaftJelly · 11/01/2017 09:12

It is! I'm very lucky to have won out on the postcode lottery there.

Have you got up and dressed today? That's always a good win. Or had breakfast? Or done something else that is even slightly a win? There will be something Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
DaftJelly · 11/01/2017 09:13

Thanks for that EnormousTiger Hmm

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 11/01/2017 09:16

Is this really about lack of equality in the marriage and the fact you sit around watching Netflix all day whilst your husband slogs his guts out at work? Would one answer be that you go to full time work and pull your weight in a fairer way?

Unhelpful and goady, Xenia. It's really about a depressed OP who's putting one foot in front of another and doing her best, presumably so in the future she can do more. And who exactly is handling the children while the husband "slogs his guts out" - Santa Claus. It's delightful that you were back in the office 12 minutes after giving birth, but other people do things differently.

Lalunya85 · 11/01/2017 09:16

I love this thread! Here are mine (this isn't easy, is it?):

  • Two wonderful, funny kid. I can't wait to see them grow.
  • DH and I have flexible jobs, which means we can spend a lot of time with our kids.
  • My job is fun, (a little more than) pays the bills and my managers are great in letting me work from home or leave earlier if I have to for the kids.
  • DH is my best friend, love spending time together and never run out of things to talk about.
  • We own our home and it's in an area with lots of green.
  • We are lucky enough to have lots of friends and family visiting from abroad throughout the year.
  • We have an allotment and I can't wait for spring.
  • My weekly veg box.

This is fun actually!

corythatwas · 11/01/2017 09:16

Sorry, cross-posted, Livia. Now that you've explained it a bit more, your posts make sense. I think the trick is not to compare your list of blessings with those of other people but think about what is a big thing for you.

As for me, my house is a tip and my dc have not done particularly well at school, but that was the OP's list and has nothing to do with my blessings so I don't need to compare that.

For me, that small act of looking up the Easter holiday dates was growing into a mental block thing and for once I didn't let it. For me, remembering that I can keep my legs warm in January is a good thing that has nothing to do with the OP. It's about finding your own things- and smaller things are often better ime.

EssentialHummus · 11/01/2017 09:16

?

guggenheim · 11/01/2017 09:18

daftjelly you are obviously a highly intelligent, reflective and brave woman. It's hard to quit drinking ( much harder to keep drinking), you've obviously resolved to get sober and stay sober.
Making a plan for that January slump is brilliant because there is a definite stage where that little voice says ' go on, just one will be ok...'
You already have a plan in place to see you through that stage. Awesome.

(Am stealing the fuck you & suck my plums line)
And I'm going to stop feeling a bit sorry for myself. This thread is just the kick up the arse I needed.

NoraCharlesMartiniGlass · 11/01/2017 09:18

EnormousTiger - you read the OP and the OPs subsequent posts and that's what you're taking away? Seriously?

DaftJelly and everyone else coping with depression in the best way they can Flowers

Waltermittythesequel · 11/01/2017 09:19

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Isadora2007 · 11/01/2017 09:19

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Mistykit · 11/01/2017 09:20

I didn't read it as boasting at all. I think it's a very positive thread and hopefully the OP is finding it so :)

Positives from me:

-have a wonderful boyf
-have 3 fantastic cats who are more like dogs
-bought my own flat on my own and re-furbishing it
-have some very good friends

-parents still healthy

Isadora2007 · 11/01/2017 09:20

Damn... I wish I could edit posts. Rose above not aboveboard!