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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel successful?

177 replies

DaftJelly · 11/01/2017 07:43

I don't really. But I'm sliding into depression and doing a 'count your blessings' exercise.

Reasons to feel successful/worthwhile.

I have three great kids who do well at school and have lots of friends.

I live in a beautiful house and have spent the last couple of weeks tidying it to within an inch of its life.

Dh is wonderful and we have a lovely marriage.

We have enough money for extras most of the time.

I've lost two and a half stone in the last few months.

I get out of bed every day and get all three kids to school, ds2's school run is a two mile round trip and I walk it with the dog 😇

I usually cook a decent evening meal.

I haven't had a drink since the day before NYE.

These are the things I'm focusing on today (while trying to ignore all the terrible things about me).

Anyone else? It's a really useful exercise. And this is prime depression time for a lot of people.

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 11/01/2017 08:28

Well done OP, you have several things on your list I can't claim.

I totally get why you are doing it. I'm having trouble joining in because of all the 'buts'

I too have a lovely house but...
I have truly lovely children- no buts there.
I have two challenging part time jobs and a community role which keep me learning and stimulated and are useful but
I have a good singing voice and the opportunity to use it.
I have no financial worries.

Keeping that bloody black dog at bay is hard, hard work. Flowers

shovetheholly · 11/01/2017 08:31

FFS to those saying about 'stealth boasting'! The OP said right at the start she was sliding into depression, and it's very clear she is wrestling with some demons. To make her spell it out is cruel. People's inability to read between the lines on this site staggers me sometimes.

OP: you're doing brilliantly. To lose two and a half stone takes amazing resolution. To stay away from the bottle takes incredible self-control. Even if there are still things you want to change, you're moving things in the right direction. You've already made a fantastic start, and -even better - you've ALREADY demonstrated to yourself that you have what it takes to win here. It's really, really important to take time to congratulate yourself on what you have achieved, particularly when you have a very stern and harsh inner critic (and it sounds like you do). Allow yourself a pat on the back and a resounding 'ATTAGIRL!' Flowers and Star for you.

Namechangeemergency · 11/01/2017 08:34

I read your OP and the last thing on my mind was that you were boasting.
I thought it was lovely and must have been quite hard to do if you are on the edge of depression.
Well done.

MN is like that. People are in a bad mood and decide to crap all over someone they don't know and get on with their day safe in the knowledge that no one in RL will realise just how nasty they can be.

Good for you and all the others counting their blessings, in private or anon on a public forum.

I am not there yet but I have been thinking about it.

namechange20050 · 11/01/2017 08:36

I hear you OP. I find this time of year so hard for slipping into depression. I also regularly count my blessings, I find it really helps.

As for the people who said its a stealth boast; have a word with yourselves Hmm

ARumWithAView · 11/01/2017 08:38

What the hell is wrong with people like justforthisonce? Is it spite, or a lack of reading comprehension?

OP: 'I'm sliding into depression and doing a 'count your blessings' exercise.'

Them: 'What's the point of this thread? Sounds like boasting, tut tut.'

Hope it hasn't dragged you down, OP. Betty nailed it when she said we are allowed to be proud / grateful of the things we achieve or things that are going well.

PurpleDaisies · 11/01/2017 08:40

For anyone that missed it and thinks the op is boasting about being successful...i don't really. But I'm sliding into depression and doing a 'count your blessings' exercise.

woesinwonderland · 11/01/2017 08:40

Shame on the posters who called out stealth boasting when the OP clearly said she was having MH issues.

Well done OP, I know what you mean about the 'slide' and any steps you can take that you may feel might help are really positive. You are doing really well Flowers

thegirlinthecar · 11/01/2017 08:41

"I don't really. But I'm sliding into depression and doing a 'count your blessings' exercise"

This says it all.It's so obviously not a stealth boast. Good for you op i find it difficult to do this but really should more often. My anxiety is eating me up at the minute , all the more reason to do something like this.

LunaLoveg00d · 11/01/2017 08:42

Some people have about as much empathy as a plastic bag.

I agree that counting your blessings is a useful technique. We all have times when we start to find the negtative thoughts start creeping in more and more and it can be hard to remember the good stuff.

Stay positive OP and if you start to struggle more, reach out for help.

Theimpossiblegirl · 11/01/2017 08:44

Lovely OP, you have done really well to achieve the things listed.

To be able to count your blessings is a wonderful thing, especially if you are suffering (or have done) with depression.

Ignore the haters, some people need to take a good hard look at themselves and consider the impact their nastiness can have on others. If you can't be kind, be quiet.

Original poster
DaftJelly · 11/01/2017 08:44

Thank you all for turning the thread around. And a huge well done for all your acheivements. Mine are often a lot smaller and harder (I got up today, I had a shower etc) but it's one of the most helpful exercises I've learnt in therapy.

I refuse to succumb to the negative thoughts this time. I'm going to beat it.

OP posts:
Wombletor · 11/01/2017 08:45

Hi Op
It always disappoints me on here that people are so quick to be nasty.
Good for you focussing on the positive, its really hard when you feel depressed. Keep it up, count your blessings everyday and keep trying and keep going.Flowers

SoDownSoGone · 11/01/2017 08:45

I don't see it as boasting well done OP. I really hope thinking positive helps. You're doing really well.

Patienceisvirtuous · 11/01/2017 08:45

Great thread OP. You've a lot to be proud of!

I am really struggling with anxiety so I'll have a go, see if I can reframe my thinking today.

I am pregnant after several losses and years ttc. I am more than halfway there. To date, everything looks good.

DH is brilliant. It took years of shit relationships to meet him but the wait was worth it because he is my soulmate and best friend. He makes me laugh everyday.

We have a lovely home, by the sea, occupied also by two cuddly cats and I love being in it :)

My family is brilliant and all live nearby - we have lots of nice times together.

We have good jobs and can afford holidays and nice treats.

We have some good friends.

Sassypants82 · 11/01/2017 08:46

Thanks for a brilliant thread to make me stop, think & appreciate all the good things in my life.

My beautiful, beautiful healthy, bright & loving boy & another healthy little baby on the way.
My fabulous hardworking husband who is a partner in every sense of the word & is the other 50 to my 50.
Our amazingly supportive & caring extended family.
Our Fab new house which we love & the fact that we're already in a position (one year in) to overpay our mortgage due to fantastic luck & a rate reduction.
I have a full time job. While its not great in any area, I'm grateful to be employed & feel useful.
My wonderful friends who would see me through anything.

I am truly blessed & it's so beautiful me much good to remember that this morning.

Thanks OP. You are doing great - keep going!

Ginslinger · 11/01/2017 08:46

I don't think you're boasting either - I think that you are doing great and if it helps to list these positive things on an anonymous site then keep doing it.

Could you add a coffee stop on your morning walk or go out for coffee after dumping dog? That keeps you away from the sofa a bit longer?

you're doing great - Flowers

PurpleDaisies · 11/01/2017 08:47

I refuse to succumb to the negative thoughts this time. I'm going to beat it

One thing I would say is haveca low threshold for seeing your gp if you're feeling down. There's help they can offer you to help beat it (it doesn't have to be anti depressants although they've got a positive role to play for some people too).

Exercise is great for lifting moods. Is there anything you do now or might like to try?

mumstaxi2 · 11/01/2017 08:47

A huge well done daftjelly for seeing so many positive things and in particular for staying off the alcohol and losing the weight. You are completely right to focus on the positive - something I often struggle with and it can drag you down can't it? One thing that as much as I love the odd day doing nothing but watching netflix I've found keeping busy is a good way of staying positive. If your not working is there any way you could find some voluntary work locally - one morning a week even might give you a sense of purpose and another positive thing to think about Smile

EssentialHummus · 11/01/2017 08:47

KBO OP. You're doing great. When I'm in the grip of anxiety it's very hard to see anything good about my life, but it's so important to acknowledge that there (usually) are good things too.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 11/01/2017 08:48

What the fuck is wrong with sharing and celebrating successes?

Nothing if you share them with people who will be genuinely happy for you. If you share them with strangers on the internet, whose circumstances you don't know, then it looks like you are boasting.

And someone reading your OP who can't have what you have could feel even worse.

piebald · 11/01/2017 08:48

Well done, not having adrink is an amazing acheivement,be very proud

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 11/01/2017 08:49

And in case I'm accused of not understanding I suffer from anxiety and depression too

ItsOnlyTuesday · 11/01/2017 08:49

Well done OP! Flowers

PurpleDaisies · 11/01/2017 08:49

Nothing if you share them with people who will be genuinely happy for you. If you share them with strangers on the internet, whose circumstances you don't know, then it looks like you are boasting.

Only if people can't be arsed to real the op. It was there in the first two sentences that the op was feeling down.

SolomanDaisy · 11/01/2017 08:54

People who are boasting don't normally include managing to do the school run, do they?