To feel successful?

[DaftJelly]

I don't really. But I'm sliding into depression and doing a 'count your blessings' exercise.

Reasons to feel successful/worthwhile.

I have three great kids who do well at school and have lots of friends.

I live in a beautiful house and have spent the last couple of weeks tidying it to within an inch of its life.

Dh is wonderful and we have a lovely marriage.

We have enough money for extras most of the time.

I've lost two and a half stone in the last few months.

I get out of bed every day and get all three kids to school, ds2's school run is a two mile round trip and I walk it with the dog 😇

I usually cook a decent evening meal.

I haven't had a drink since the day before NYE.

These are the things I'm focusing on today (while trying to ignore all the terrible things about me).

Anyone else? It's a really useful exercise. And this is prime depression time for a lot of people.

I can see why people think of it as boasting. Your list is not helpful as an aide for others who are slipping into depression, or in the middle of depression many people have a lot less to be thankful for.

Ignore the unkind posters.

I dont often agree with Xenia but getting a job might get you out of the downward spiral of watching netflix and not getting your childrens tea.

DaftJelly, thank you for starting this thread, and a great big UP YOURS to the small-minded people who are somehow threatened by your doing something positive to remind yourself of how far you've come.

I am also struggling with MH issues, and have gone through some orrible times in the last few months, so here is my list:
I have a bright, beautiful, kind-hearted DD
I have a great marriage, with a lovely, kind, supportive DH who pulls his weight around the house
I am studying for a degree at a fairly prestigious university
Every weekday morning I manage to get out of bed to get DD to nursery, and then study all day before collecting her, walking her home, making her dinner and looking after her till DH gets home from work
I am physically healthy
I have kind, supportive parents, siblings, and ILs
Although the house is in need of a good clear-out, DH and I between us manage to keep it relatively clean and safe for DD (despite her efforts to the contrary )

Well done DaftJelly, I think this is a wonderful habit to get into. I always have much better days when I focus on the positives, and things that I'm grateful for. Sadly, not everyone has that skill or motivation (as you can see from some of the responses here). You're doing brilliantly.

I do wonder whether a hobby or part-time job would help you to regain some focus? Is that something you've looked into?

Going back to work even part time is a bit beyond me at the moment and dh doesn't want me to anyway. It's definitely my plan for the future, I've pretty much always worked until two years ago.

I do more than just watch Netflix on good days, when I can I see friends and walk the dog and I go to therapy three times a week.

If you saw me on the school run you'd probably have no idea I was ill, but that performance pretty much wipes me out for the day on low days.

Walter If you bother to read my later post you will see why I said that

Well done OP fight any nasty thoughts (and nasty responses) off with all the fantastic things that you are doing - thinking about them helps you see the whole of the amazing you. These thoughts can take over if not fought back hard - and some of the responses from others just show what a battle each one of us individually have to fight to keep mentally safe and well.

Everything on mumsnet could be done in private.

There's absolutely no need to post anything on here, at all.

Yet we all do. Nobody has the right to dictate what should be posted and what should be kept private (unless abusive etc.)

Sounds like an amazing life, OP. If I list my life as you have yours, it's a complete train wreck. I remain surprisingly cheerful, but less so since reading your post! The positives you list are massive - hope you can make progress with learning to enjoy them and realise how lucky/successful you are.

I think the point of counting your blessings can be to count small things too, not just 'my large amazing house' (not that I have one!)

I drive every morning over a particular hill and the view of the sky, even at 7am is stunning. It's a great start to the day, to see something that beautiful.

I love modern applicances, every time I turn on the dishwasher or get the tumble drier going, I thank the Lord I don't have to do all of that by hand. I am a carer and have to use them a lot, so for me, having those things has saved me from being totally overwhelmed.

Given my relative's condition, I also am incredibly thankful to live in a first-world country as if he didn't have access to medication, they'd be bedbound and we would be in complete poverty.

Objectively, if I told you about our situation, people would feel pity for us (they do). The point of counting your blessings is not to boast, it's to recognize that even in the darkest corners and places, a little light will shine. Turning towards that light keeps some of us going.

I'm another one saying that I reckon you should report your post listing negatives and request deletion.

You made it clear at the start that it was a count your blessings exercise because you're sliding into depression and I'm sorry you were shouted down.

Well done on those many and varied achievements!

But do remember, too, that what makes you 'worthwhile' isn't the fact that you've lost weight or have a tidy house or any other of those things. Even on the bad days you are worthy of respecting yourself and accepting love from others.

Foureyes makes good points. I think there's a lot of benefit in counting your blessings - I'm not suggesting this is an antidote to depression, obviously, as that is an illness. But I see so many people who are always comparing themselves unfavourably to others. And often then bitching about those people, to make themselves feel better.

We don't live in the best house, or have the biggest car etc etc. But I always compare myself to those sleeping rough, or relying on public transport, and I'm always thankful. (PS There's nothing wrong in relying on public transport, as I did for many years!)

Great thread and great list, OP!

Some of the posters on here need to go and have a long hard think. Honestly, some people...

I have also not had a drink this week, including saying no yesterday to free wine on a train back from a work meeting where all my colleagues had a glass (and it was a looooong day)
I've stuck with my meal plan and exercise plan, and got up every day when my alarm went off
I've stayed on top of my work to-do list and not let my workload stress me out

DaftJelly

Please just ignore the nasty posts & the ones taunting you to justify not working or anything else. Seriously, they need help themselves if their comprehension levels are so poor 💐

You're doing incredibly well to not drink & to have a plan in place for your MH. Don't let anyone on here pull you down OK x

My list is a little less 'positive' than yours, but my issues are a lot less 'serious' than yours. Whilst I might envy most some things on your 'positive' list, I'm thankful I don't have to cope with things you have to.

Ignore the posts that don't help you and keep posting 💐

livia I did read your posts.

I still thinking wanting to drag someone else down because you've chosen to compare yourself unfavourably to her is a really shitty thing to do.

And the hypocrisy on here is astounding.

People telling OP to switch off Netflix and get a job and cook the children's tea...

How many threads have their been about children being neglected/dirty/starving and people rushing to condemn the OP on them by saying the parent could have MH issues or be depressed or be ill...how we shouldnt judge. How we should have compassion...

Does that only count when you want to slam a poster for being judgemental?

I'm not trying to drag anyone down.

The OP gets what I am trying to say - you obviously don't.

I didn't think the OP was boasting at all.

It's pretty obvious she has issues and this was supposed to be a positive and cathartic thread.

However, that's the problem with the internet isn't it? The OP's issues will be read by others who themselves, also have issues.

So the kids doing well, the lovely house, the weight loss, the lovely marriage, extra money etc... may be enough to tip other people with issues over the edge.

But having said that, there is absolutely no need for anyone to piss on her chips, rather than simply clicking the back button and hiding the thread. It's called personal responsibility.

OP, I'm glad you're feeling so positive

Well done DaftJelly

Such a great start to 2017!

I find practicing gratitude and counting blessings is a really transformative way to look at things, so important where there's any experience of depression. There used to be a really lovely "gratitudes" thread on Mumsnet, so peaceful and encouraging - you'd love it there OP!

I am astounded really that some posters, particularly the first few, responded in the way they have. There seems to be so little understanding that someone may be struggling a little but has found a good strategy to help themselves and their family. So little understanding of any mental health or general life challenges.

As part of supporting my own mental health I do also try to move away from judging myself (or others) and just appreciate the little things in life.

But I do take pleasure in recognising that I've half-raised (because they are still teenagers) two half decent young people. I like them and we have a good relationship

I realise I am also very fortunate in this.
That's where the counting one's blessings bit comes in.

livia

I do understand what you are saying however ops intentions were not to boast about what she has rather than try think positive and have somewhere to vent I suspect

The thing is when your depressed it can be worse when you think "my life is good I have everything I ever wanted yet still I feel isolated anxious and miserable " at least that's my experience much worse when I felt sad for no reason than sad because of aspects of my life that weren't great that could be changed

Wow there are some emotionally stunted people on here to think this was boasting

I hope you all have really great day and feel ahhhhmazing after being so snarky

I get it OP. Sometimes when I'm feeling low I will sit and think of things that have gone well and could be conceived as a 'win' .... in spike of some things I do to self sabotage.

Hugely well done to you on the drinking, the weight loss is great but the drinking has to be front and centre in the 'well dones'. I have personal experience and know it is hard to escape that circle of drink/guilt/shame/drink and repeat.

OP it sounds like your doing brilliantly, keep it and keep focusing on the positives. Huge well done on the weight loss and the no drink since NY.

OP you sound lovely!

Some of you other posters should be ashamed of yourselves.

And someone reading your OP who can't have what you have could feel even worse

What???? So happiness is finite? And if OP has something someone else can't? So OP is not allowed to be thankful publicly incase she upsets someone / anyone

I rather think it is all relative and anyone can enjoy a little success no matter how small and how they much to have to mentally reframe or spin to make it feel like a success. And it's not fair to slap them down for doing so. Being aggrieved the someone has something on their list and you don't is less about depression and more about envy IMO.