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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

unhappy re stairgates...

218 replies

happybunnyme · 10/01/2017 21:55

Mil wants ds (17m) at her house but wont get stairgates as it will 'ruin' her decor....

Our sil has told her to use a pressure attached stairgate rather than one you screw to the wall and has given her one that she doesnt use (its for the top of the stairs!)

My understanding is that the pressure fitted ones are not safe for tops of stairs as;

  • the bottom bar of the frame creates a tripping hazzard
  • they can fall down when pushed against

Its not my sil whose child will be affected (mil goes to their house) so im pissed off she got involved.

Aibu to insist on a safe gate or refuse her having him?

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 11/01/2017 19:05

No, it really isn't. Just because both are not recommended doesn't mean they're both equally dangerous. One can be slightly dangerous and one very. One can have one risk factor (e.g. Climbing) and another two or more (e.g. climbing plus risk of being dislodged or trip hazard). ROSPA certainly draws a distinction between the two.

As I said, i have no top stair gate. But I'm getting very tired of people making shit up or misquoting others to suit their own agenda.

I'd be very interesting in seeing the stats/evidence base Catching is using, I've been unable to turn up much that is definitive on the various risk factors.

cauliwobbles · 11/01/2017 19:20

Another of those OPs that make you want to bang your head repeatedly against a wall.

Teach your kid to slither down the stairs on their tummy. End of problem.

CatchingBabies · 11/01/2017 19:32

Jazzy - Just putting kids to bed but give me an hour or so and I'll put up a link. Fairly recent study stating that safety gate related injuries have gone up. Below the age of 2 it's usually related to a gate falling over / not fixed correctly and over the age of 2 it's usually related to the child climbing the gate.

SaltySeaBird · 11/01/2017 19:42

Gosh some heated posts here not helped by an arrogant OP.

We have pressure gates albeit not at the top of the stairs as we have an L shape so it is just before the stairs.

My children are quite strong and our pressure gates have withstood some hefty rattling (mainly in doorways). DD also learnt to climb over. I checked the tightness at the start of each month along with batteries in smoke detectors. Those stair gates don't shift and in fact my friends wall screwed one came away.

At grandparents homes there are no gates but the children are very well supervised and not near the stairs.

OP I think for occasional use (as in not there all the time) a pressure gate correctly fitted is a good option if your MIL doesn't want a screwed one. Your DC will hardly be left hanging onto it and pulling at it.

With older, heavier children it's safer not to have them and to teach them stair safety. As I said before she was two DD was climbing over her bedroom one and if that had been on the stairs with a drop it would have been highly dangerous.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 11/01/2017 19:48

We use pressure ones, always have. I'm due baby number 3 I'm a few weeks, never had an issue. I also agree that teaching children to get up and down stairs safely is important. Mine are age 2 and 4 and very confident getting up and down. We keep the stairgates on though I'm case they wake in the night and so they can't sneak upstairs if I'm busy.

JassyRadlett · 11/01/2017 20:37

Thanks Catching. I thought they weren't recommended for over-2s full stop anyway?

Of course that doesn't change people's actual use.

Masketti · 11/01/2017 20:41

Ha are you serious? My DDs stay at my parents and apart from the fact the design of their stairs means the bottom can't be secured at all and there would need to be 2 at the top I just thank my lucky stars my parents are looking after my children for me! If there was a regular childcare arrangement I might discuss it but if she's doing you a favour whilst you're in labour I'd suck it up. I wouldn't want screw holes in my walls either if I was her. The pressure fit ones are fine for occasional use which this would be.

jumpingcold · 11/01/2017 21:00

I have a screwed in gate at the top that my two year old can easily open - I didn't want him to climb it! He can go up and downstairs happily but I didn't want him to fall in the dark if he came in our room in the middle of the night.

DesignedForLife · 11/01/2017 21:02

We have pressure fit and a very strong toddler, no problems here.

Rosieumbrella · 11/01/2017 21:06

I have actually had a pressure gate fail at the top of my stairs, I didn't know that it wasn't considered safe and have never heard of it happening to anyone else though. We put it on when my DD started crawling and when she was about 12 months she stood up against it and it just popped off the wall. It had seemed secure before then and I was stood close by but wasn't quick enough to catch her so she tumbled all the way down. She was fine (8 hours being observed in children's ward though!) but we have gates across the rooms now, never put another one across the top of the stairs. So it can happen but I don't think it's very common, lots of people I know use them with no problems.

wheelwithinawheel · 11/01/2017 21:26

You're willing to take the risk of leaving your DC with someone who by your own admission doesn't pay enough attention?

wheelwithinawheel · 11/01/2017 21:28

And you're requiring a fixed gate it's for ONE night?!

BusyBeez99 · 11/01/2017 22:01

Another here who had a pressure gate at top of stairs. No issues at all

CatsCantFlyFast · 11/01/2017 22:27

Anecdote that people have pressure gates at the top of stairs is not helpful surely. It's similar to lots of people saying "we have loose blind cords but have never had an issue with our kids"

TheMysteriousJackelope · 11/01/2017 22:48

If you have twins its usually recommended to use screw in gates. Twins gang up on pressure gates and can push them out of position more easily than a single child can. Parents of twins also have to take additional care over strapping furniture to walls as the children try and climb dressers and wardrobes together, making it more likely the furniture will topple over on them.

AragornsManlyStubble · 12/01/2017 08:52

I must be a very unsafe parent then. No stair gates anywhere, not even for my child with Down syndrome and no danger awareness. He slipped down a step or two a couple of times then learnt how to hold on to the banister. Then was completely unsupervised, this was at 2-2 1/2. Same with DD1 who took a tumble down 3 steps at my mums on her 1st birthday. No dramas, I was watching them both, and let them figure it out for themselves. I really cannot see the point of posting when you're going to insist your view is right and then insult other ( and likely more experienced!) parents for their apparent parental ignorance for having a valid difference of opinion. Grow the heck up and stop acting like a brat. Your updates have made for extremely unpleasant reading. You're going to get eaten alive with two little ones!!

andanotheronee · 12/01/2017 14:55

I don't understand why your 1.5 year old hasn't been taught to use stairs safely if they are that much of a danger.

Aworldofmyown · 13/01/2017 19:25

You do also realise op that stair gates are only recommended up to the age of 2 years?

I am more concerned by your apparent reliance on creating a perfectly safe enviroment rather than supervising and educating your child.

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