unhappy re stairgates...

[happybunnyme]

Mil wants ds (17m) at her house but wont get stairgates as it will 'ruin' her decor....

Our sil has told her to use a pressure attached stairgate rather than one you screw to the wall and has given her one that she doesnt use (its for the top of the stairs!)

My understanding is that the pressure fitted ones are not safe for tops of stairs as;

• the bottom bar of the frame creates a tripping hazzard
• they can fall down when pushed against

Its not my sil whose child will be affected (mil goes to their house) so im pissed off she got involved.

Aibu to insist on a safe gate or refuse her having him?

Ok, so anyone who thinks differently is an idiot.

What about the people who offered other suggestions? A pressure gate on the bedroom door or a travel cot?

My DM never fitted stair gates at her house AND she doesn't have rails on her staircase. When she had her DGC she was just very vigilant and she also taught them all how to come up and down stairs safely at a very early age. Not one of the 5 of them ever came to any harm on the stairs and they all stayed over regularly. .

Honey you sound like a twat with your last post.

Calm down and appreciate real life risk. Does your ds ever get in a car? He's far more likely to die from that than falling down the stairs. You honestly sound like you have some kind of risk anxiety.

Mine are 7 and 4 so really way beyond needing stair gates (and could open them if needs be) and as I said the 4 year old has in fact fallen down the stairs (under supervision) twice. No doctor trip was needed, no ringing on 111 a bit of comforting and move on, toddlers fall down stairs.

The thing is accidents happen when you least expect it, are following guidelines etc. The worst one for me was at a soft play place that shot out balls. A bucket was placed over the end and a post it note put over it another child ignored. The bucket shot up in the air and hit DD on the head. No amount of reading up from me could have foreseen that. A concussion later she is. DS was on a trampoline by himself lost control in the jump landed badly and broke his leg - we were following the guidelines but accidents happen, you can have the type of mentality that you have and survive being a parent!

You are right the pressure one should not go at the top of the stairs. You like the idea of a stairgate, she does not want to drill why cant a compromise of one at the bottom of the stairs be sufficient?

If your mother in law is really as inattentive as you say she is then no piece of equipment is going to make your child safe in her care. There are potential dangers everywhere.

If she really cannot be trusted to keep you child from falling down the stairs during one overnight visit, then actually she isn't suitable to be in charge of him at all.

So anyone who doesn't use stair gates at all is "not educated in the facts"?

Bullshit. I personally don't use stair gates because I think they give a false sense of security, because I find them cumbersome, and because we supervise DC on the stairs anyway.

But clearly you are the Best and Safest Parent Ever, so well done there.

Horrible post

Smug and condescending

The alternative suggestions are great actually.

Not suggesting anyone is an idiot. It's quite clear from the for and against posts and what backs each argument up as to which carries the weight.

So, to all those who think iabu and that pressure gates (or no gates!) are fine at the top of stairs...i'm glad nothing bad has happened and i hope this continues for you.

To the others, including those suggesting alternatives, thank you for being voices of reason in amongst the utter madness of the 'well my child survived, so it must be safe' comments

OP, as you are clearly convinced you are right and anyone who differs from you isn't, I really don't understand why you posted.

As for:

those who aren't educated in the facts and have either not bothered with gates at all or have used pressure ones... but because nothing bad has happened (yet) it must be ok. For these people ignorance is obviously bliss

Ignorance wasn't bliss, practice and experience was bliss. I managed to get three children to adulthood unscathed despite using pressure gates; I also managed to ensure that countless visiting children also survived. That is because I used the gates properly and took ordinary care. If you don't feel that your in-laws can be trusted to do that, then frankly you shouldn't let them look after your child anyway. But you have to wonder how your DH survived his childhood if they're that bad.

i suspect bunny is rocking gently backwards and forwards wrapped in several layers of giant bubble wrap thinking about all the horrors that await in her mil's house.

Op give up trying to backtrack then go on to say people are mad your doing yourself no favours. It's not madness at all maybe we are better at risk assessing
Please tell me you don't use safety plug sockets too

Omg, you just keep giving. As pp said walk away from this thread and go chat in the mirror about it. That person will have the opinion you aren't horrified with.

Imagine if someone came on and said you only need all these things because your child is undisciplined and unruly. Imagine how that would feel? It's utter crap. Every kid is different, houses have different layouts. Fuck off back to your bubble and stop judging others.

Travel stair gate on the door or pressure fitted gate on the top step not on the top of the stairs the trip bar sits right back against the stairs and there is no need for holes in the walls

Never used one as they didnt fit top of our stairs due to house design. I also just taught mine to go down on their bums. Loads I know never had them. The pressures ones can so damage too - if they are tight, they can crack plaster etc.
By 20months mine attempted to claim them anyway

Obviously touched a few nerves....

Getting back to the point, pressure gates are proven to be unsafe at the top of stairs. We wont be using them and hopefully others reading this wont either.

Thanks all 😊 (including the defensive and insulting posts - they all go to support the argument, afterall)

Take it easy and enjoy your afternoon.

I'm going to get my bubblewrap Euro...😉

Hahaha, my god your poor MIL! All of this angst for one night?? Brilliantly over the top, PFB behavior.

I'm loving this site at the moment, there are so many brilliant threads like this.

op watch you don't suffocate in your bubble wrap

I think its terribly PFB and paranoid about MIL being allowed to care for the 17mth old. Children are not china dolls. MIL is not likely to allow him to toddle around upstairs by the stairs on his own surely for any length of time?

And there is no way anyone in my family would damage their walls with a stair gate for one night either. Not in a million years. The post actually gets more ridiculous the more you read it.

You're coming across as a little stroppy, OP. Not to mention condescending to anyone who has a different opinion to yourself. It makes people not want to help you.

Just buy the Baby Dan stair gate (or whichever you deem suitable) and take it round. Offer to fit it. If she declines, then just talk to your husband about alternative childcare solutions. Don't make a big song and dance about it; either you feel the house is safe and you leave your child there, or you find somewhere else. It doesn't have to be complicated.

I guess it all depends how risk averse you are.

OP is clearly extremely risk averse and is trying to guard against very unlikely scenarios occurring.

I'm not so risk averse and therefore only try to guard against things that are relatively likely to occur. Hence being satisfied with a pressure gate or no gate at GPs.

I'd like to put numbers on it but don't have the info. i'm going to take a wild guess at 1 in 500,000 children spending time at GPs with pressure gates or no gates had an accident on the stairs as a consequence of the gate/no gate. Then we'd need to quantify the number of serious accidents and the number of accidents in homes with screwed in gates. Then we each could be clear about the risk we are taking and whether that's ok or not.

We are not actually 'bloody lucky' nothing has happened, it is pretty likely nothing will happen to the vast majority of parents.

By 17 months both of my children could climb a stair gate. Eldest did it at 11 months despite being very tiny. I taught both of them how to go up and down the stairs themselves safely. (Bouncing down on numb). Only person to fall down the stairs and break a bone was my last year as sprained ankle gave way. Eldest is now 21.