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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

unhappy re stairgates...

218 replies

happybunnyme · 10/01/2017 21:55

Mil wants ds (17m) at her house but wont get stairgates as it will 'ruin' her decor....

Our sil has told her to use a pressure attached stairgate rather than one you screw to the wall and has given her one that she doesnt use (its for the top of the stairs!)

My understanding is that the pressure fitted ones are not safe for tops of stairs as;

  • the bottom bar of the frame creates a tripping hazzard
  • they can fall down when pushed against

Its not my sil whose child will be affected (mil goes to their house) so im pissed off she got involved.

Aibu to insist on a safe gate or refuse her having him?

OP posts:
TitsCrossed · 10/01/2017 22:41

The thing I was most worried about was tethering furniture and TV to the wall, now that is one thing worth doing.

EineKleine · 10/01/2017 22:42

I consider myself on the overworrying end - we had screwed in stairgates in our house because we thought they were substantially safer. However it never even crossed my mind to insist on any stairgate when DC were staying with grandparents.

They are there for a matter of hours, they just need to be watched like a hawk. As they always do in grandparents' houses IME, because there isn't the same level of childproofing. Yes of course your child's safety comes first but this can be managed by the grown adults in charge of him, without substantial hardware, for a few hours.

NerrSnerr · 10/01/2017 22:42

You need another solution, of course you can't expect her to drill holes in her wall for one night! A pressure fit one across the door he's in could work?

Nicknacky · 10/01/2017 22:43

I didn't want to ruin my decor either and had pressure fit stair gates instead. 9 years, 2 kids later and not once have I tripped or has it budged. You lift your feet over the bar no problem.

And the kids were never unattended upstairs.

Although admittedly we moved house between kids and the staircase was against the wall and the Victorian spindles of the staircase but it was still rock solid.

My mum and dad didn't have stair gates at all and the kids stayed over, I trusted then enough to get them up and down the stairs safely.

MrGrumpy01 · 10/01/2017 22:45

Lots of people don't have stairgates, they simply supervise their toddlers around the stairs. If you think your MIL will not supervise your toddler properly then a stair gate is the least of your worries.

MiddleClassProblem · 10/01/2017 22:45

I don't have stair gates on stairs , DD is 2. We have one across sitting room door, another across the open plan half to the kitchen. Her bedroom handle is high so her door is closed when in her cot/soon to be bed.

Could she put a pressure gate across the bedroom door and one downstairs?

TheMysteriousJackelope · 10/01/2017 22:46

Can he sleep in a play pen while at MIL's? Then he can't climb out in the night and won't be at risk of falling down the stairs.

MiddleClassProblem · 10/01/2017 22:47

She's not unreasonable for not wabtkng to drill holes and not is SIL's suggestion. I do think your hormones are making you take things to heart a bit too much.

downwardfacingdog · 10/01/2017 22:48

Yabu. I have 5 DC and only had a stairgate at the bottom of the stairs. No need for one upstairs. They only went upstairs with me for beds and bath so no opportunity to fall.

MiddleClassProblem · 10/01/2017 22:49

And that's got nothing to do with just wanting him to be safe, it's to do with your reaction to them. Don't agree, fine, do what's best but don't crucify them for trying to help.

SpookyPotato · 10/01/2017 22:54

I have one and never had a problem- never tripped, never pushed open. But you have to do what you're happy with OP. I'm surprised some people don't use anything at all, my crawling toddler would have gone headfirst down the stairs! Just shows we all have different ways though.

Brollsdolls · 10/01/2017 22:55

A pressure-fit stair gate will be fine - we used them for all 3 doc and they were completey solid.
Or, put one on the door of the room your Dc will be sleeping in.
You can't really expect mil to fit a stair gate to the wall in her house for an overnight stay.
I expect your mil will watch your Dc like a hawk when babysitting.

Stingray2008 · 10/01/2017 22:59

Ive never used stairgates with my three just kept them away from the stairs and shut their bedroom doors

zoemaguire · 10/01/2017 23:03

I'm pretty over-cautious as a rule. There are certain things I would insist on before my kids stayed at gps house. A fenced off pond, for instance. But screwed in stairgates, seriously?! Pressure gates are fine! It's only for a night!

minipie · 10/01/2017 23:05

YAB a bit U and PFB

lots of people have dc and don't buy stairgates

we never had stairgates for DC1 - we just kept the doors to the hallway shut so the stairs were inaccessible. And watched her near the stairs. With one DC that's very possible and I imagine is what your MIL would do

however I agree with you about pressure fit stairgates at the top of stairs. I would be happier about MIL using no stairgate and just keeping a very close eye and doors shut, rather than a pressure fit gate which could give way or trip her.

YippieKayakOtherBuckets · 10/01/2017 23:08

We had a pressure-fit stargate for a while. I once tripped over something else and landed on it with my full weight, which is significantly more than any toddler. It didn't budge - so unless you are about to drip-feed that your DS is in fact the demigod Hercules then I think it genuinely would be absolutely fine at your MILs.

However, surely the obvious solution is a gate on his bedroom door?

Regardless, I rather get the impression that you have other reservations about DS staying with MIL. You seem to have fixated on the gate but do you have other concerns?

Moob · 10/01/2017 23:11

Can't she just use the same stair gates she had when her own kids were little?

Nicknacky · 10/01/2017 23:14

Moob It's the MILS house, not SIL.

Notso · 10/01/2017 23:16

You've missed the hashtags from your last post OP

StarUtopia · 10/01/2017 23:16

You seriously expect her to alter her house permanently for your child?! Yes, I know it's her grandchild, but it's not her child. He's not there all the time.

Completely PFB. Nothing wrong with pressure fit. Also, nothing wrong with there not being one at all - I'm sure he will be completely supervised whilst there. Stairgates are really there for when it's your own home, you're going about your normal day to day business, you have more than one child and you can't watch the toddler every second of the day. None of which apply in this case.

Seriously. Once child no 2 arrives and a few months have elapsed, you will probably cringe a little at just how precious you are being! (we've all been there though, you're in good company)

Moob · 10/01/2017 23:16

Did the MIL never have kids? Maybe I was too subtle?

AreWeThereYet000 · 10/01/2017 23:18

Dangerous to put any stair gate directly at the top of the stairs. I have pressure fit stairgates (DS now 3) and never had any problems. The stair gate is on his bedroom door, so if by some chance he did push it over I would hear this whilst he is still in his room and not near the stairs. YABU

Caterina99 · 10/01/2017 23:19

We deliberately didn't buy a pressure fit one for the top of the stairs because of the trip hazard. But its in our living room and we are going through it 20 times a day at least. And my toddler lives here!

I'd be perfectly fine with my inlaws having a pressure one at the top of their very steep stairs. DS is only upstairs for bed and bath time anyway a couple of times a year. They actually don't have one at all and that's fine as he is very closely supervised when there and carried up and down the stairs.

Nicknacky · 10/01/2017 23:19

moob I wouldn't expect someone to have baby equipment 20+ years later!

Moob · 10/01/2017 23:21

Clearly way too subtle!

I was suggesting she probably never had them, and yet the kids grew up to be adukts

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