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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

unhappy re stairgates...

218 replies

happybunnyme · 10/01/2017 21:55

Mil wants ds (17m) at her house but wont get stairgates as it will 'ruin' her decor....

Our sil has told her to use a pressure attached stairgate rather than one you screw to the wall and has given her one that she doesnt use (its for the top of the stairs!)

My understanding is that the pressure fitted ones are not safe for tops of stairs as;

  • the bottom bar of the frame creates a tripping hazzard
  • they can fall down when pushed against

Its not my sil whose child will be affected (mil goes to their house) so im pissed off she got involved.

Aibu to insist on a safe gate or refuse her having him?

OP posts:
Ilovecaindingle · 10/01/2017 22:13

She doesn't want screws in her walls
You don't want your child falling down the stairs..
Her grandchild ffs!!
Buy her some pollyfilla and some paint when they no longer need a gate.

Original poster
happybunnyme · 10/01/2017 22:13

Nothing pfb about ensuring your child is safe when in the care of another

OP posts:
Fairylea · 10/01/2017 22:14

I think like everything else you have to weigh up the risks. If you did everything to avoid every possible accident you'd never leave the house...!

We have a pressure fit gate at the top of our stairs. Ds is 4.5 with special needs and we still require the gate to keep him safe at night etc. It's strong as anything and doesn't budge at all.

glueandstick · 10/01/2017 22:14

I think you're over thinking this a bit. They really aren't the end of the world.

PickAChew · 10/01/2017 22:15

DS1 managed to dislodge one, once, but he was 7 and ran into it.

If he stays over, she can put a pressure fitted gate on his bedroom door to stop him from wandering.

Note3 · 10/01/2017 22:15

Thing is it makes common sense not to have the gate immediately at the top regardless of being pressure fitted or screwed in. Best practice would be a screwed in gate that blocks the hallway prior to top of stairs. Reality doesn't always support best practice. Your child will be there such a small amount of time that they won't have long to pull at gate and loosen it. My very heavy toddler (off growth charts) has not yet pulled the pressure gate even slightly despite many god zila impressions

Original poster
happybunnyme · 10/01/2017 22:15

Exactly Ilovecain! 😨

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 10/01/2017 22:15

Just don't like your MIL then?

Feel she can't keep your child safe..even though she raised your DP?

Apachepony · 10/01/2017 22:15

I think you're being a bit over the top really. Is it just when you have dc2 that ds will be staying over, you want her to screw things into her wall for that? My mum is on grandchild no. 7 now & has never had stair gates!

QueenArseClangers · 10/01/2017 22:16

Is this the MIL who has no balustrade/side of stairs?

Original poster
happybunnyme · 10/01/2017 22:17

No Queen, mil has full stairs.

OP posts:
Aworldofmyown · 10/01/2017 22:17

Yabu im afraid. I have 3 children and never had a stairgate at the top of the stairs.

If your that worried about how she supervises your child can she not come to yours?

TheBiscuitStrikesBack · 10/01/2017 22:18

OP: "AIBU?"
Everyone: "yes, a little bit"
OP: "no I'm not"

lauryloo · 10/01/2017 22:18

Yabu

The pressure ones would be fine. It's only for a short period of time and I don't think it's reasonable for you to expect mil to drill holes in her walls

Ragwort · 10/01/2017 22:18

I never had stairgates for my own DC - I think you do sound a bit PFB.

Original poster
happybunnyme · 10/01/2017 22:18

Apache...lucky nothing bad has happened!

OP posts:
Bragadocia · 10/01/2017 22:18

Thankfully, most people with pressure stair gates at the tope of the stairs will have experienced no problems with them. This doesn't change the fact that they present greater risks than fixed ones, and that safety bodies such as Which and ROSPA advise that they are only to be used at the bottom of stairs.

I'd be reluctant to leave a small DC with someone who was more concerned about a few (fixable) holes in their walls. Her walls will see a lot worse if a DGC gets hold of a rogue crayon...

3boys3dogshelp · 10/01/2017 22:19

As a compromise can you ask her to put the pressure fit stair gate across his bedroom door so that he can't get to the stairs? It only contacts the door frame then rather than an emulsioned or wallpapered wall so less likely to damage the decor.
I can understand your concern - we have had pressure fit stair gates move and slide out of position (across bedroom doors so not a big issue but they definitely can slip).

Original poster
happybunnyme · 10/01/2017 22:19

Thanks all x

OP posts:
DailyFail1 · 10/01/2017 22:19

My nephew can push over pressure fit stairgates but he is a coughbulldozedcough, we always use the ones you have to screw in

Original poster
happybunnyme · 10/01/2017 22:19

Thanks Brag! X

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 10/01/2017 22:20

You sound like you don't trust her and don't want her to have charge of your child. Either go with and supervise or arrange that she meets you elsewhere.
I really don't think not wanting a stargate bolted to the top of the stairs when you no longer have children means you are incompetent or uncaring. Confused

Soubriquet · 10/01/2017 22:20

The stairs my mum has would give most people heart attacks I think

No hand rail, no bars, just a drop next to it straight down to laminate floor.

Not safe really but me and my sister grew up in that house and she's raising my 4 year old brother in that house

Only one child ever fell off the stairs and he was messing around and old enough to know better. (About 8)

He was ok. Bumped his head a little but no major damage

Original poster
happybunnyme · 10/01/2017 22:21

Some complacent people on here. Accidents waiting to happen. Sticking to my guns. Ds comes first. Thanks all x

OP posts:
Primaryteach87 · 10/01/2017 22:23

YABU- maybe with repeated use they would loosen but it'll have only just been put up and adjusted so at it's safest.

I have fitted gates for the reasons you've said but mil and my parents use pressure gates when we stay. Just glad they are thoughtful enough to get any stairgates.

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