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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

unhappy re stairgates...

218 replies

happybunnyme · 10/01/2017 21:55

Mil wants ds (17m) at her house but wont get stairgates as it will 'ruin' her decor....

Our sil has told her to use a pressure attached stairgate rather than one you screw to the wall and has given her one that she doesnt use (its for the top of the stairs!)

My understanding is that the pressure fitted ones are not safe for tops of stairs as;

  • the bottom bar of the frame creates a tripping hazzard
  • they can fall down when pushed against

Its not my sil whose child will be affected (mil goes to their house) so im pissed off she got involved.

Aibu to insist on a safe gate or refuse her having him?

OP posts:
3luckystars · 10/01/2017 22:24

He will probably just be staying one night then so he is unlikely to get the time to knock it down.

I know I am definitely about to go into labour when I start worrying over things like this...
With my first it was an empty pond and the second it was a kettle. It's like I focussed on this to take my mind offor the impending birth. You will be fine and so will your son and your hyacinth bouquet MIL and her hand painted Perry winkle wallpaper Smile

Best of luck!!!!

Soubriquet · 10/01/2017 22:24

OH well.

Let's hope your MIL is still happy to babysit if you desperately need her to

angelikacpickles · 10/01/2017 22:24

You want her to drill holes in her walls for one overnight stay? YABU

Cel982 · 10/01/2017 22:24

I'm aware that they're not recommended for top of stairs, but we have pressure-fit gates and they are absolutely unmovable - there's no way my toddler could shift it.

pho3be · 10/01/2017 22:25

I never had stair gates. They learn to crawl down/up safely much quicker

Just a thought about the trip hazard thing I could you put it on the last step rather than right at the top?

Beebeeeight · 10/01/2017 22:25

Yabu

You want her to drill holes in her wall just in case you need childcare whilst in labour???

Nicnak2223 · 10/01/2017 22:26

I have a pressure fit stair gate at the top of my stairs, OP. Can you please post links if the reports you have read.

I'd like to see if I need to change it.

Wolfiefan · 10/01/2017 22:27

AIBU?
A bit.
I'm not.
Ok then.
Once my kids have left home I have no intention of baby proofing for the possibility that a child may visit for a couple of hours once a week. I won't line up the best glassware for them to play with but neither will I have locks on the cupboards, stair gates etc.
You don't trust her? Take your child and supervise closely.

LoupGarou · 10/01/2017 22:27

Hmm, well I have actually tripped over a toy and fallen against a pressure fit stairgate and the gate gave way, which meant both me and the gate went down the stairs together. Not fun at all. I appreciate I am heavier than a toddler, but I didn't fall very hard against it and it was fitted correctly, ironically I had checked it earlier that day.
DH has made wooden stair gates for our house, much safer, we would never have the pressure fit ones again.

witsender · 10/01/2017 22:28

We never bothered with stair gates tbh, they're not essential. I do see your point about the pressure fit ones, that bar is a tripper and at friend's house DD could easily push though one.

Doilooklikeatourist · 10/01/2017 22:28

It's her house , surely she is allowed to make her own decisions

SleepFreeZone · 10/01/2017 22:28

We have pressure fit at the top of the stairs which admittedly now are in screw in cups but weren't before that and it was fine.

FeckinCrutches · 10/01/2017 22:29

Why can't you just put one on the doorway of the room he will be in, why does it need to be at the top of the stairs?

NoraDora · 10/01/2017 22:30

😂 😂 another classic aibu.

Love how the OP days thanks to the one poster who agrees with her.

OP Yabu, unclench slightly and stop being so pfb.

Pluto30 · 10/01/2017 22:30

We've had pressure fit gates at the top and bottom of our stairs. No problem with them. 3 children in and never had an incident aside from DS2 sticking his head through the bannister rails and not being able to get it out again, and that's nothing to do with the stair gates.

Wolfiefan · 10/01/2017 22:31

Massive x post. She's offering free child care overnight and you are insisting on drilling holes in the wall?!?!
Perhaps a doula then your partner can stay with DS?
Or can she stay at yours with your DC?

Megatherium · 10/01/2017 22:35

If pressure fitted gates were unsuitable or unsafe, they wouldn't be on the market, or would be sold with massive warnings about using them at the top of the stairs. We had them for all three children and never had any problem at all. I don't remember that they ever came loose at all, but if they do it's hardly rocket science for adults to keep an eye on them and retighten them as necessary. Plus, as pointed out, at the in-laws' house the gate isn't going to be up long enough to come loose.

You really can't demand that they start drilling holes in their walls. Your child will be at less risk there than he is going out on the roads in a buggy with you, or riding in your car.

Crumbs1 · 10/01/2017 22:35

Mmmnnn think accidents happen when we fail to allow children to learn to cope with risks as part of their development.

SleepFreeZone · 10/01/2017 22:35

You are very lucky to have someone willing to look after DC1 while your labouring with DC2. My mother was ill and DP got chucked out of the labour ward at drop off so I had to do it all on my own. Id have bitten anyone else's hands off for help and not given a stairgate a second thought 😜

RebeccaCloud9 · 10/01/2017 22:36

I wouldn't get pressure gates at the top. Maybe that's partly because I grew up in a bungalow and stairs give me a bit of the heeby Jeebies anyway, but the thought of stepping over a bar every time I come downstairs, no thanks!

Luggage16 · 10/01/2017 22:37

All stairgates are unsafe at the top of the stairs if you assume they couldn't ever come off. If you let children swing off them, climb on them etc they wont keep the child safe. That isn't what they are intended for. They serve as a barrier more than anything. For this reason I think yabu because a pressure fit stairgate would be perfectly adequate and it's unreasonable to expect other people to have to drill holes etc when there is a reasonable alternative.

poofaceforever · 10/01/2017 22:38

I feel the same way about my mil. It's not about just the stair gate but the fact extra safety precautions have to be put in place because they aren't observant enough to be trusted!

Make them get a stair gate or no sleepover! Balls in their court really isn't it

Bunnyfuller · 10/01/2017 22:39

You're leaving him for one night and you want your MIL to screw a stairgate into the wall? Erm..... You're having a laugh, love. He stays downstairs in the day and at night he goes to bed. Wowzers.

TitsCrossed · 10/01/2017 22:39

I've never had gates on our stairs, the design of the stairs makes it impossible. Neither of my DC have been at risk as a result.

I put a gate on the living room door and another on the bedroom door. That way there is a safe place upstairs and down to park the baby. I also set up the travel cot in the kitchen filled with plastic balls to make a baby jail for when I was cooking.

Ask them to use a pressure fit gate across the bedroom door, that way you don't need to gate the to of the stairs.

WidowTwonky · 10/01/2017 22:40

I'm with you OP - I wouldn't (and never did) use the one with the bar across the bottom at the top of the stairs. I agree with a previous poster - put the gate across his bedroom door