To feel sad at how quickly my dc are growing up.

[cookieswirls]

Just checked in on my dd who is 5 and couldn't believe how grown up she looks. I still see her as my baby even though I have 11 month old twins too but I think the past year she has just changed and grown up so much! When I was out earlier I saw a friend who said how much she has grown up and now I'm seeing it too. My twins are also growing rapidly and although I certainly do not want to go through the newborn stage again, looking back it did seem really lovely. I'm sad how quickly life flys by

I don't really understand Navy.

Ok let's get back to the point of this thread shall we

Navy you clearly are quite upset and that's probably why you're not sounding completely reasonable. Why don't you hide the thread and be kind to yourself?

OP, I know the way you feel.

My dd is nearly 18 and a close friend offered her wine on Christmas Day and it suddenly dawned on me at that moment she was pretty much an adult.

Ive never been one for going through baby photos etc but I do feel sad that I've mostly completed the child bearing years.

Feels like only a few years ago she was a tiny baby, now we're looking at uni courses...

The navy I'm with the op on this one. I'm very sorry for your loss but other people are entitled to their own feelings and to discuss them.

Can't you hear what "indulging yourself that you're children are growing up." sounds like Navy?

It's just chat. It isn't meant to upset bereaved parents. It isn't indulgent. It's just very common place conversation.

Honestly. If you're seeing it as something else, or smug or indulgent in some way, maybe it's just a bad day for you?

I'm so sorry for your loss x

Okay well what did you mean by indulging yourself that you're children are growing up?

I thought you were accusing some posters of some kind of smugness but as I said, I don't really understand what it is that's upset you.

YANBU
I used to struggle with this but as my oldest has grown, he is 8 now, he gets more interesting and fun and my love for him keeps growing. He will always be my baby boy!

I'm just in awe that you're feeling that way with twins, OP! My ladies are and were most awesome people, but the first two years were a slog. Now at nearly 5 it feels like the last year passed about as quickly as a month used to when they were babies.

I'm really really sorry Navy. I truly honestly am but i don't think you can ask people to stop posting along these lines.

I get why a bereaved parent or DGP desperately wishes they were back in a place where they casually have these kind of conversations without considering the alternative too seriously and I'm really really sorry for anyone who has lost a loved one or child.

These types of conversations are well-intentioned and part of life, though.

No it just makes me sad for you Navy. Everything must be really raw and difficult. I hope it isn't always quite this unbearable

I think maybe there is an underlying issue in that bereaved parents are "permitted" only a limited range of emotions by our society (quiet noble grief, etc).

What I don't understand navy is why you would torture yourself reading these threads. What are you getting out of it. Really?

One of the babies in our circle died and I can tell you that the mum spent a lot of time in "non-permitted" emotional states including anger, bitterness and jealousy, but those emotions were sort of taboo I think and after a short period the NCT crowds started to criticise and condemn her. This isolated her further.

You're not being told to hush navy. You're being told you're grief doesn't give you the right to tell everyone else to hush up about their own children.

Two different things.

"Many bereaved parents feel like they have to keep quiet about issues like this because they often get this exact reaction of being told to hush."

Yes I really noticed that with my peer Navy.

I think that if society did not tell orphaned parents to "hush" so much (which it does in subtle but powerful ways) it would be easier to find the words to participate in this kind of thread.