AIBU to have a 3rd baby against DH's wishes

[Babysuprise]

DH and I have two lovely children - while I have always wanted more, DH only really wanted one so two was a compromise.

We have had quite heated discussions about having a third and he has always been clear he doesn't want another one.

However, I have just found out I am pregnant. I'm pretty pleased about it as I had resigned myself to just having two, but I know DH will be devastated. I haven't told him yet. AIBU to have this baby anyway?

My DP had no idea about "pre-cum". Dd3 was conceived using the withdrawal method (had been successful for 6 years) This was a 27 year old man. I'm pretty sure he thought I couldn't get pregnant unless I orgasmed too going by a comment he made once

This was exactly what a friend of mine did. He husband stupidly I suppose trusted her ( but they were married not having a one night stand!) because she allowed him to believe it was safe. She was thrilled to have a" mistake" but confided in me that it was very far from that. I imagine the OP has been at the very least hoping and hoping she has conceived and that in itself is a form of deceit. Her rather feeble efforts at justification seem to me to point in that direction. My friends marriage is falling apart. The extra child was not what her husband wanted and the broken trust has not been mended.

So. Woman wants baby, man doesn't. Man knows woman isn't on pill, normally withdraws at crucial moment. He doesn't. How on earth is it her fault? How is she shameful? Shock horror, unprotected sex got a lady pregnant. Who'da thunk?

Why is it then her responsibility to tidy up his mess (no pun intended) by running around on Christmas day looking for a MAP that he never even mentioned, or an abortion later down the line when she wants a baby? What fucked up parallel universe is this?!

Agree to what do you know the Op and her husband personally. He might be thrilled at the idea of having another child.

My DP had no idea about "pre-cum".

That's a point I remember my partner telling me that. I'm guessing that's her fault as well ain't that right Buster.

". I imagine the OP has been at the very least hoping and hoping she has conceived and that in itself is a form of deceit. "

Whaaaat?

I'm hoping and hoping to win the lottery on Saturday so I can buy a bigger house. Must I tell DH?

He might be thrilled at the idea of having another child.

Yep because you have heated rows about not wanting any more, when you actually do...

"Nobody puts anyone to shame except themselves

I agree with BusterGonad"

Umm, buster thinks an individual can shame a whole sex...

This is the kind of thread I would read out to my older children.

So they can see just how much we still need feminism. So they can see that if a man doesn't use contraception while claiming he doesn't want a child it is the woman who ultimately will be blamed for the resulting pregnancy.

Why do we have to infantilise this man? How much more straight forward can it be? He had unprotected sex with her. It is that simple. Blaming the OP of trickery and all sorts? Yes, she wanted a baby, he obviously didn't not want a baby enough to forego his sexual pleasure.

I am quite embarrassed to read so many of these posts. I thought MN users were better than this. Thank god for the sensible posters on here but sadly there are far too many people blaming the OP and it is really shocking and depressing to read. Some want to blame her so badly they are having to make assumptions left, right and centre to justify their misogyny.

Again- don't want a baby don't have unprotected sex. He knew the OP wasn't on contraception. She did not trick him. He wanted sex, he ejaculated inside her and as he is a fully consenting adult so he is 50% to 'blame' for this pregnancy.

Lets hope he does the right thing and stand by the OP huh? Not much worse than a man who has unprotected sex with a woman and runs off when she gets pregnant. Who the fuck does that to their wife?

Whatever the rights and wrongs of how she got pregnant, she is in the wrong in not telling him immediately. Is that just a hopelessly male view or am I right about that? I'm assuming from the OP's silence on the point that she is not in fear of physical violence when she tells him.

"she is in the wrong in not telling him immediately"

Immediately, meaning when? After testing? This thread is very long but just 24h old.

Or meaning when she drew a breath on Xmas Day, counted days since LMP and thought 'bit risky but probably OK'?

87 messages left to make on whether the Op was wrong or not. Many women don't tell their family or spouses until they know for sure that everything is fine. Some women wait 12 weeks.

Totally agree with U2

Some of the posts on this thread are an embarrassment.

And actually, the Op was about WSBU to proceed with the pregnancy. The fact the thread has focussed on the conception isn't her fault!

Christ this is still going on. And surprise, surprise...she hasn't come back.

Husband is an idiot for not pulling out/ taking precautions when he knew his wife would be happy to be pregnant. She is blasé as fuck and this thread is just plain goady.

3/10 op..at life.

"I'm assuming from the OP's silence on the point that she is not in fear of physical violence when she tells him."

Given she's mentioned heated arguments and him being devastated, a pretty negative reaction that is unpleasant (albeit not being physical violence) is quite likely and psyching herself up for it by getting support (ha!) on MN for a day or two is hardly the worst thing, is iy?

Troll hunting is against rules and MNHQ has already posted.

If you disbelieve it, you don't have to post.

Frankly, I think the issues and attitudes raised are wider than the case in point.

Husband is an idiot for not pulling out/ taking precautions when he knew his wife would be happy to be pregnant. She is blasé as fuck and this thread is just plain goady.

I agree.

If you suspect you might be put under pressure to have an unwanted termination, you might not tell your partner immediately. I have told straight away, I have waited a week (to not worry him as I thought it would fail), it is very individual.

Whatever the rights and wrongs of how she got pregnant, she is in the wrong in not telling him immediately.

It's not a 'this-letter-will-self-detonate-in-ten-seconds' scenario. She said she just found out and presumably he wasn't there at the time. And there probably wasn't much point in pre-devastating him with her suspicions when it might have come back negative.

Ffs people I'm not shaming a while fucking sex, I just think this post is a bit of a joke. For gods sake if you're not taking the pill or whatever and you both know put something on the end of it. These are adults, not teenagers, one wants a baby one doesn't. One wants to get pregnant one doesn't want her to get pregnant. I just find it hard to believe he'd cum inside her without thinking about the consequences. Maybe he is a complete dumb ass but the desperation for another baby just makes me think twice about it. So let's say he's a dumb ass then. I just hope the family set up works when the new baby comes along. I'm sure they'll be fine, why have 2 when you can have 3? Good luck to them. I don't know them from Adam so I'm not too bothered. Men and women can be as intelligent or as thick as each other. I just expected a married couple to be a bit more chatty when it comes to contraception. I was wrong!