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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to have a 3rd baby against DH's wishes

999 replies

Babysuprise · 09/01/2017 17:02

DH and I have two lovely children - while I have always wanted more, DH only really wanted one so two was a compromise.

We have had quite heated discussions about having a third and he has always been clear he doesn't want another one.

However, I have just found out I am pregnant. I'm pretty pleased about it as I had resigned myself to just having two, but I know DH will be devastated. I haven't told him yet. AIBU to have this baby anyway?

OP posts:
BusterGonad · 10/01/2017 15:05

Silent because she as good as said that she didn't give a shit if she got pregnant. It's not rocket science, she wanted a baby he didn't.

LoupGarou · 10/01/2017 15:06

If you knew that your DH would be devastated by another child, knew that you had compromised on two and thought that it might cause issues in your marriage/life, surely you would have said at the time "stop DH, we're not protected and you don't want any more children".

Yes it shouldn't be OP's responsibility, he DH was at best a twit (unless his side of the story is very different) but why would you let a situation develop which you knew could cause turmoil?! Why would you just sit back without saying anything?

BusterGonad · 10/01/2017 15:07

Men put them self to shame all the fucking time. You've only got to read a newspaper to see that.

BusterGonad · 10/01/2017 15:08

Helen why am I sexist? Why do I think women aren't women in their own right? Don't be so silly.

HecateAntaia · 10/01/2017 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelenDenver · 10/01/2017 15:36

I was going to answer, but what Hecate said.

HelenDenver · 10/01/2017 15:38

You might say that the DH in question has put himself to shame, as an individual, by being so ignorant of biology, but has he "put men to shame and given all men a bad name"? You haven't said so.

BusterGonad · 10/01/2017 15:43

They are both shameful individuals, I think Jeremy Kyle is the only one to sort this problem out.

SilentBatperson · 10/01/2017 15:58

Silent because she as good as said that she didn't give a shit if she got pregnant. It's not rocket science, she wanted a baby he didn't.

That doesn't explain why you think she lulled him into a false sense of security. Nothing OP has said suggests he had any basis at all for thinking he could ejaculate in her and not have to worry about pregnancy. His actions are those of someone who didn't give a shit if she got pregnant either!

HorridHenryrule · 10/01/2017 16:00

Don't presume to link her choice to the entire female population and judge us on her actions.

The poor woman is getting condemned no wonder she has not returned. She hasn't stolen his sperm or raped him for it.

"she puts women to shame and gives us all a bad name"

What are you talking about. Do yourself and the rest of the female population a favour and get a life. He knows shes not on the pill and yet he still has his wicked way with her. Maybe he thought fuck it I'll give her a baby because I'm sure that Christmas is not the only occasion they have been drunk together and had a good shag. He had done well before that at not getting her pregnant. Maybe he gave in.

HelenDenver · 10/01/2017 16:04

"They are both shameful individuals"

I happen to disagree, but speaking about them as individuals is very different from stating that the female individual gives women a bad name.

Sofassogood · 10/01/2017 16:07

Loupgarou at what point should she have said "stop dp we're not protected"? If she expected him to withdraw, how would she know the exact moment he was past that point? I wouldn't.

HecateAntaia · 10/01/2017 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateAntaia · 10/01/2017 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HorridHenryrule · 10/01/2017 16:14

Hecate you sound like you are judge and jury what has she done apart from have sex with her husband. Like I said he was good at preventing pregnancy before with their chosen method. Maybe at that moment he wanted a baby as well or why else go the whole way. People on here are making him sound like a child maybe he knew what he was doing.

HecateAntaia · 10/01/2017 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HorridHenryrule · 10/01/2017 16:18

To be clear, i am talking about the selective quoting of part of my post without acknowledging that it refered to the pp who was judging the op and using that to extend their judgement to the entire female population.

Sorry cross posted did not read above. I take back what I said about Judge and Jury.

BusterGonad · 10/01/2017 16:19

Horrid do yourself and the rest of the population a favor and get a life. I think you're a bit over invested in this thread!

Had his wicked way with her. Wtf????

By the way I didn't say the op puts women to shame but the ones that go about getting pregnant whilst pretending to be on the pill do. Read into that what you like.

Helen I haven't said that about men as I'm not entirely convinced that has happened but if it has then he is shameful and gives men a bad name!

Sofa I don't think it's too hard to guess the moment tbh!

HorridHenryrule · 10/01/2017 16:21

The rest of my post is for those who are judging the op what has she done. Like I said before in this long thread if he never wanted children then he should have taken better care. I'm now thinking maybe he did.

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/01/2017 16:22

You know what I find so fucking depressing?

The way that in 2017 women are still being held responsible for the life choices of men. He doesnt want another baby and has full sex resulting in pregnancy? Well you should have stopped him/have taken the MAP/have an abortion.

When will the tide turn so that its ok to say "He was a fucking idiot and needs to face up to the consequences of what he did"? The amount of young women who blindly trust their boyfriends when he says "I wont come inside you" and then when he does SHE gets judged for being young and pregnant while he trots off into the sunset with narry a thought for her or the child he helped create. And probably does it again and again. And always, without fail, she is judged more harshly than he is, usually by her own sex.

Every. Single. Fucking. Time.

HorridHenryrule · 10/01/2017 16:24

By the way I didn't say the op puts women to shame but the ones that go about getting pregnant whilst pretending to be on the pill do. Read into that what you like.

What has that got to do with the Op. I must have been on a different thread last night. What have I stumbled into?

BusterGonad · 10/01/2017 16:24

Is a shame that a married couple can't use the brains they were born with really. That's what it amounts too!

HelenDenver · 10/01/2017 16:25

"" I can't help but think due to the OPs desire for anther child and lack of feedback that she may have misled her partner into a false sense of security! If this is what happened then she puts women to shame and gives us all a bad name. I've heard of women like this and is horrible.""

"By the way I didn't say the op puts women to shame but the ones that go about getting pregnant whilst pretending to be on the pill do. Read into that what you like"

You clearly reference the OP. Who has clearly stated on this thread that her DH is well aware that she is not on the pill and she's never spoken to him about fertile windows etc.

So I stick by my original opinion of your post.

NotYoda · 10/01/2017 16:28

Nobody puts anyone to shame except themselves

I agree with BusterGonad

HorridHenryrule · 10/01/2017 16:28

Maybe he wanted a baby with her people do change their minds. Does that make him a bad person no. Does it make them bad parents no it doesn't.