Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask SIL to sign a loan agreement?

131 replies

SILNeedsaCar · 09/01/2017 16:26

Background...

SIL and I have never got on very well. However recently we have been getting on better.

SIL earns around £50k a year, pays £400 a month rent, but is always skint.

My partner and I have been saving for a house, have £14k sat in the bank but will not be able to get a mortgage until at least May, as that is when our credit will be repaired.

I NEVER lend money to or borrow money from anyone. I don't even have a credit card these days!

Current situation...
Last week, SILs car failed its MOT. It needs £800 worth of work doing. It is worth £400 if she has it repaired. DP offered to lend her £1000 over 3 months, which she accepted.

Yesterday, SIL came back to DP stating she has found a 4x4 she wants to buy, which will cost £2000, and she wants to borrow the entire amount.

My reaction to DP was "woah! That's a lot of money, don't really feel comfortable with that!" Then I had a think and agreed to it, provided we had a written loan agreement, with repayments of £400 a month, and car in our name with spare key until the loan is paid off, due to her poor money management and needing to protect our finances. DP said this would be a good idea, and we went to bed, thinking no more of it.

I've just had SIL ring me swearing at me, shouting down the phone that I'm a vile bitch for daring to ask for a written agreement! Clearly I'm not going to lend her the money now! But my question is...

WIBU to ask for a signed loan agreement in the first place? Was it a step too far?

OP posts:
Liiinoo · 09/01/2017 16:27

Seems fair enough. It's what Judge Rinder would want you to do.

anyname123 · 09/01/2017 16:28

I would be telling her to fuck the fuck off!
If she intended to repay the loan then why would she object to a written agreement!? You've had a lucky escape.

Man10 · 09/01/2017 16:28

Yes you were. You were unreasonable to agree to loan 2K to someone who earns 50K. If they need to borrow 2K, they are shit with money and will never repay you.

HerOtherHalf · 09/01/2017 16:29

No, but I would suggest that if you feel the need for a formal agreement for a loan between friends/relatives then you don't trust them enough to lend to them in the first place. Another thing to consider is that if she were to get hit by a bus you would still be able to claim the money back from her estate.

Man10 · 09/01/2017 16:29

Not convinced an agreement would have made any practical difference to the likelihood of seeing the money again.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 09/01/2017 16:30

I don't think it's unreasonable. It's a lot of money and TBH I would feel uncomfortable borrowing such a large amount unofficially so would rather have an agreement to keep it ' business'. Just out of interest why is she having a go at you and not DP?

Hissy · 09/01/2017 16:30

Just don't!

If she's earning well, it'll be easy for her to get a car loan.

If she can't get credit, she'll stuff you and her dh and it'll wreck your family.

Just decline. It's ok to change your mind.

Specifically because of the way she's already shrieking at you

A decent person would accept that things need to be in writing

Missrubyring · 09/01/2017 16:30

Your SIL sounds charming Hmm
Having watched a fair amount of Judge Rinder lately, it's safe to say YANBU, it's the smart thing to do especially when that amount of money is concerned. What did your DP say about the messages she sent you??

Original poster
SILNeedsaCar · 09/01/2017 16:30

I don't trust her really. That's why I wanted a spare key to the car! I was just trying to be nice whilst protecting my own interests. Glad I've got out of it to be honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
SILNeedsaCar · 09/01/2017 16:31

She rang me, not sent me messages. DP is due back from work shortly. I'm sure he will be less than impressed:

OP posts:
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 09/01/2017 16:33

Honestly? Somebody earning 50k & paying so little rent should be able to save up for a few months & either buy or repair her own car.

YANBU to insist upon some sort of written agreement.

Missrubyring · 09/01/2017 16:34

Sorry, I didn't read properly Blush
I wouldn't trust her either OP, especially as she earns 50k and is always skint, she sounds quite irresponsible with money. She probably got pissed off because she was hoping she wouldn't have to pay it back.

nauticant · 09/01/2017 16:34

A written agreement is perfectly sensible if you're dealing with a reasonable person. Its main functioning is to act as a reminder at some future point of what had been agreed. It suits both sides and is there to remove uncertainties.

All of that is inapplicable when dealing with nutters, especially ungrateful ones. The reason you don't put it in writing with nutters is because you go out of your way to avoid lending them money

fuzzywuzzy · 09/01/2017 16:35

I don't think it's unreasonable at all to have a signed loan agreement.

It keeps everything clear and each party is aware of the terms and conditions.

Especially given your history with sil and the fact she's earning £50k and yet is unable to afford a £2k car!

PurpleMinionMummy · 09/01/2017 16:36

Yanbu. Her reaction clearly shows she has no intention of repaying you too imo.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/01/2017 16:36

YANBU.

There is no way under those circumstances I would loan the money without a written agreement.

PurpleDaisies · 09/01/2017 16:36

There's absolutely no way I'd be lending her money. Why can't she get a loan if she's got a salary that high?

CaoNiMa · 09/01/2017 16:36

Stop lending her money!

PossumInAPearTree · 09/01/2017 16:38

Please don't lend her the money even if she says sorry and agrees to sign.

If she's that bad at money then you run the risk of her defaulting and it wrecking your mortgage chances while prices are rising. Yes with an agreement you could enforce repayment eventually but what if she's told to repay at £30 a month or something crazy?

LagunaBubbles · 09/01/2017 16:40

Dont whatever you do lend her any money you arent prepared to lose!

dowhatnow · 09/01/2017 16:42

YANBU

Ilovecaindingle · 09/01/2017 16:42

Can't wait for your update when your dh is up to speed! Shock

Jaysis · 09/01/2017 16:43

She called you a vile bitch?

Not a penny would I give her -ever.

cx5221 · 09/01/2017 16:44

Cheeky Cow I'd be fuming if I were you.

PurpleDaisies · 09/01/2017 16:44

She called you a vile bitch?

If she used the word "vile" she's almost certainly a mumsnetter