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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask SIL to sign a loan agreement?

131 replies

SILNeedsaCar · 09/01/2017 16:26

Background...

SIL and I have never got on very well. However recently we have been getting on better.

SIL earns around £50k a year, pays £400 a month rent, but is always skint.

My partner and I have been saving for a house, have £14k sat in the bank but will not be able to get a mortgage until at least May, as that is when our credit will be repaired.

I NEVER lend money to or borrow money from anyone. I don't even have a credit card these days!

Current situation...
Last week, SILs car failed its MOT. It needs £800 worth of work doing. It is worth £400 if she has it repaired. DP offered to lend her £1000 over 3 months, which she accepted.

Yesterday, SIL came back to DP stating she has found a 4x4 she wants to buy, which will cost £2000, and she wants to borrow the entire amount.

My reaction to DP was "woah! That's a lot of money, don't really feel comfortable with that!" Then I had a think and agreed to it, provided we had a written loan agreement, with repayments of £400 a month, and car in our name with spare key until the loan is paid off, due to her poor money management and needing to protect our finances. DP said this would be a good idea, and we went to bed, thinking no more of it.

I've just had SIL ring me swearing at me, shouting down the phone that I'm a vile bitch for daring to ask for a written agreement! Clearly I'm not going to lend her the money now! But my question is...

WIBU to ask for a signed loan agreement in the first place? Was it a step too far?

OP posts:
Starypjs · 09/01/2017 18:12

No is a complete sentence.

SnatchedPencil · 09/01/2017 18:13

Don't lend her it. The only reason for refusing to sign an agreement is if she thinks there is an outside chance that she will be able to weasel out of paying you back.

Even if you get an agreement, why would you want to lend it to someone who calls you a "vile bitch". (Why would she want to borrow from someone she considered to be a "vile bitch" either?)

Suppose you lend her it, with or without an agreement. If she refuses to pay it back, you will not be able to rely on the courts to have completed the process of returning it to you by May. May 2019, perhaps.

EZA15 · 09/01/2017 18:14

At least your oh was on your side. Nothing worse when they use the 'but they're family' line (speaking from experience)

GlitteryFluff · 09/01/2017 18:16

Yes I agree, at least you're both on the same page.
Where on earth does her money go?!

Mouikey · 09/01/2017 18:17

Wow, just wow!

YANBU to ask for a loan agreement (that could be upheld in court if she had defaulted or consistently paid late) and it would be a prudent protection of your finances. She has also proven herself to be ridiculous and entitled and to be honest I wouldn't have any additional contact with her.

Somewhere along the way she is telling porky pies about what she earns, her rent or her outgoings. AND how would she pay you back if she can't possibly save for x months???

You did the right thing, but as Judge Judy says "no good deed goes unpunished!"

GreenTureen · 09/01/2017 18:19

YABU to ask for a written agreement because they're pointless.

What do you do with that piece of paper if someone doesn't repay? Employ solicitors and sue, costing £££ or take them through the small claims court where an offer of £10 a week will be accepted. Utterly pointless.

Only lend money to family if you're willing to do so based on trust. If you're not, don't lend.

TheCraicDealer · 09/01/2017 18:21

I want to know what she does for a 50k salary despite having no ability to manage her own money and apparent inability to research and select a replacement car within budget and running costs suitable to her income (or lack thereof). And that's without going into her "people skills" and negotiation tactics.

Where does she work....? Wink [blows dust off CV]

redexpat · 09/01/2017 18:27

Yeah I read that and thought drugs or gambling. Or years worth of really bad money management. Credit cards maxed out, minimal repayments etc.

8misskitty8 · 09/01/2017 18:27

How suddenly will it take a year to save £2000, but before she had a paddy she would have paid you back that amount in less than half the time ?
She had no intention of paying you back. With that sort of income she should be able to get a loan for her car.

She should be walking her dogs not chauffeuring them about too.

AyeAmarok · 09/01/2017 18:29

She's so entitled. And it's usually difficult to get entitled people to pay you back.

Fluffycloudland77 · 09/01/2017 18:30

Are you me?.

Don't do it, you'll come in for some pretty heavy manipulation over the next few weeks.

She's a fucking liability by the sound of it.

AyeAmarok · 09/01/2017 18:30

If she's earning 50k,and pays £400 rent, then that should leave about £2400 after rent.

Mouikey · 09/01/2017 18:33

Just one other question - does she know you have savings? Is that why she asked? lesson for next time, don't let them know!

Violetcharlotte · 09/01/2017 18:33

Her reaction sounds very extreme! If I was her I would be more than happy to sign the agreement as I would be so grateful to you for helping me out!

I don't think you're being at all unreasonable!

Original poster
SILNeedsaCar · 09/01/2017 18:54

Surely no one has a spare taxed insured car hanging around at home?

I don't, we have 2 cars for a very good reason! I work 07:00 to 20:30, my job is not accessible by public transport so early in the morning, DP works 08:00 - 16:00 6 miles away and does the childcare runs. We do have a motorbike and a quad bike, both of which were inherited from my dad a year ago, as was one of the cars. My dad didn't have any money, but he certainly loved his motors! He knew that I do too, that's why I got everything with an engine in it GrinI guess she sees us driving round in 2 fairly nice cars and knows our income has doubled in the past 6 months.

My SIL is an assistant head teacher. Hmm

OP posts:
TitaniasCloset · 09/01/2017 18:57

She sound awful,no wonder you don't get on with her.

I watch enough Judge Judy to know lebding money to family without a written agreement is a bad idea.

She sounds spoilt entitled and bratty. She can feck off.

TitaniasCloset · 09/01/2017 18:59

What????? She's a what??? Fecking assistant head teacher in charge of kids??? She hasn't grown up herself!!! Blimey.

SabineUndine · 09/01/2017 19:02

I'd want to know what she spends the three grand a month she takes home on. With £400 a month rent, she should be able to find £2k in a month or two.

Fluffycloudland77 · 09/01/2017 19:03

😂

Well at least she'll find it easy to get on the kids level.

Daily mail are gonna pick this up.

EZA15 · 09/01/2017 19:04

She is entitled and YANBU to say no to the loan at all. (Total agreement with you there) but is she definitely on £50k - has she not exaggerated her income to you both?

Original poster
SILNeedsaCar · 09/01/2017 19:04

Oh god didn't even think of the DM! Asked for it to be pulled Confused

OP posts:
TitaniasCloset · 09/01/2017 19:07

Oh no don't pull it!! Its far too entertaining!!!

HughLauriesStubble · 09/01/2017 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trainspotting1984 · 09/01/2017 19:17

Your loan agreement won't be worth anything but more importantly what sort of shit heap Land Rover will she get for £2000? She won't be able to afford all the parts it will need.

MissVictoria · 09/01/2017 19:19

I've never heard of a deputy head earning that much, and my cousin was one!