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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask SIL to sign a loan agreement?

131 replies

SILNeedsaCar · 09/01/2017 16:26

Background...

SIL and I have never got on very well. However recently we have been getting on better.

SIL earns around £50k a year, pays £400 a month rent, but is always skint.

My partner and I have been saving for a house, have £14k sat in the bank but will not be able to get a mortgage until at least May, as that is when our credit will be repaired.

I NEVER lend money to or borrow money from anyone. I don't even have a credit card these days!

Current situation...
Last week, SILs car failed its MOT. It needs £800 worth of work doing. It is worth £400 if she has it repaired. DP offered to lend her £1000 over 3 months, which she accepted.

Yesterday, SIL came back to DP stating she has found a 4x4 she wants to buy, which will cost £2000, and she wants to borrow the entire amount.

My reaction to DP was "woah! That's a lot of money, don't really feel comfortable with that!" Then I had a think and agreed to it, provided we had a written loan agreement, with repayments of £400 a month, and car in our name with spare key until the loan is paid off, due to her poor money management and needing to protect our finances. DP said this would be a good idea, and we went to bed, thinking no more of it.

I've just had SIL ring me swearing at me, shouting down the phone that I'm a vile bitch for daring to ask for a written agreement! Clearly I'm not going to lend her the money now! But my question is...

WIBU to ask for a signed loan agreement in the first place? Was it a step too far?

OP posts:
HappyFlappy · 09/01/2017 17:03

Absolutely what Judge Rinder would tell you to do, as Liiinoo has said.

Doesn't matter how close a relation, how well you get on with them, how much they tug your heartstrings - proper agreement with payment plan otherwise they can whistle for their loan.

Look at it this way - anyone who truly intends to pay you back as and when you specify won't have any problem with signing an agreement; it's only the bastards who intend to pay the first month (if you'e lucky) and then never have enough cash to afford the repayments who will kick up a stink.

She saw you as the way to free money. You have disabused her of this impression, ands is royally p*ssed! Grin

specialsubject · 09/01/2017 17:04

if she really earns that much she is seriously skilled at pissing money away. No real lender will touch her because they know that.

tell her to go away and grow up. I'm afraid you are suckers for lending her anything. You will never see it again.

stop enabling, that is the only way she will ever sort herself out.

PurpleDaisies · 09/01/2017 17:04

You need to stand firm. You're enabling her financial responsibility by bailing her out.

knowler · 09/01/2017 17:04

Just as a general point, I think that if you're "lending" money to family members, you might as well assume you're never going to see it again. How are you going to recoup it if they don't make the repayments? pursue them through the courts? send the bailiffs round? probably not.

Best to either avoid in the first place, or assume as above.

AhNowTed · 09/01/2017 17:04

You have your answer OP. Any reasonable person would just sign and say thank you very much.

pipsqueak25 · 09/01/2017 17:07

sorry x posted, mil can fuck off and pay for it instead. good for dp agreeing to do the right thing and that you are backing each other up.

DailyFail1 · 09/01/2017 17:08

Don't lend her anything. She is a proper wastrel if she can't manage with a 50k salary and 400/mth rent

Ericaequites · 09/01/2017 17:08

My own parents made me sign a loan agreement written by our lawyerwhen I needed money for a house deposit, but was waiting for it to clear my brokerage account. They had the money back in three weeks. Having things in writing means everyone is clear on the terms and conditions involved.

MyNewUserNameIsSecret · 09/01/2017 17:08

YANBU. I have insisted on a loan agreement when DH lent his brother money. His brother has form for never paying us back but it made me feel a little better having something in writing. We only lend him money because he steals borrows from their elderly mother if we don't help out. We can afford it but it's still really annoying

At least your SIL made the decision easy for you

Trifleorbust · 09/01/2017 17:10

I completely agree that you shouldn't lend her money. She has been rude to you and she is clearly not great with money. However, I disagree that her reaction shows she never had any intention of returning it. She is probably angry because she knows her brother would probably lend her the money and you are the one insisting on conditions being met. From that perspective, she is likely to see you as the controlling SIL and she may feel you asking for a written agreement shows a lack of familial trust (quite reasonably in my view!).

Anyway, wouldn't give her a penny. Cheeky mare.

Original poster
SILNeedsaCar · 09/01/2017 17:10

Ha! Now she is asking to borrow one of our cars "being as you won't lend me the money and it's going to take me a year to save up".

I've offered her my quad bike. In this weather I was hoping she would freeze on it Wink obviously she's declined. "How can I transport my dogs around in that?".

MIL has unsurprisingly gone silent.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 09/01/2017 17:12

Why the fuck is mil calling you unreasonable?

Sounds like they are both pretty entitled tbh- are they usually so similar?

ohfourfoxache · 09/01/2017 17:14

At what point did she start being nice to you? Did it happen to coincide with finding out about your deposit and how much you have saved?

junebirthdaygirl · 09/01/2017 17:14

In my inlaws one ds borrowed money from pil and signed an agreement. He never paid it back. A sizable amount. When the parents died his executors deducted the amount from his share of the inheritance as document found in official papers. Not very happy as you can imagine but nothing he could do.
Don't loan money unless it's 20 pounds that you don't care about. You were nbu to ask for a signed contract

Floridasunset · 09/01/2017 17:14

I can't believe she called you a vile bitch but now expects you to lend her your car.
She's sounds lovely

228agreenend · 09/01/2017 17:16

Why she can't get a loan through the banks? Or when you buy a car, credit is usually offered.

You are not the bad guys here.

Even on a credit card you can put £800.

SaneAsABoxOfFrogs · 09/01/2017 17:18

If she was going to pay you back £400 a month, surely it will only take her 5 months to save up rather than a year? Oh wait, she was never going to pay you that money, was she!

EuropeanSwallow · 09/01/2017 17:19

Never lend or guarantee a loan to family, Judge Judy is quite clear about that. If you absolutely have to do so it should only be with a clear written agreement and some kind of security such as you have suggested, OP. Frankly, I'd sooner set fire to my £2k than lend it your SIL after what she's said.

cookiefiend · 09/01/2017 17:20

How rude! Imagine how rude she would have been when you were chasing her up for repayments that she inevitably would not have made. No doubt she and MIL would not have been able to assist in May when you need the money back for your house.

Goingtobeawesome · 09/01/2017 17:20

Spoilt daughter I wonder? Hmm

ipswichwitch · 09/01/2017 17:21

Funny how she was apparently going to pay back £2000 at a rate of £400 per month, which would take 5 months, until she realised you were going to hold her to that arrangement and make it formal. Now she says it'll take a year to save that money...
Clearly she had no intention of paying you back.

MOB247 · 09/01/2017 17:21

I feel for you OP. The entitlement she has is outrageous! Reminds me of my sister actually ......

ExplodedCloud · 09/01/2017 17:21

A year to save 4% of her annual salary? A sizeable salary? Very strange.

ipswichwitch · 09/01/2017 17:21

X post with sane there.

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/01/2017 17:22

"Now she is asking to borrow one of our cars "being as you won't lend me the money and it's going to take me a year to save up"."
Fuck. Right. Off. I wouldn't trust her to not write it off out of sheer spite. The quad bike offer was genius Grin!