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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask SIL to sign a loan agreement?

131 replies

SILNeedsaCar · 09/01/2017 16:26

Background...

SIL and I have never got on very well. However recently we have been getting on better.

SIL earns around £50k a year, pays £400 a month rent, but is always skint.

My partner and I have been saving for a house, have £14k sat in the bank but will not be able to get a mortgage until at least May, as that is when our credit will be repaired.

I NEVER lend money to or borrow money from anyone. I don't even have a credit card these days!

Current situation...
Last week, SILs car failed its MOT. It needs £800 worth of work doing. It is worth £400 if she has it repaired. DP offered to lend her £1000 over 3 months, which she accepted.

Yesterday, SIL came back to DP stating she has found a 4x4 she wants to buy, which will cost £2000, and she wants to borrow the entire amount.

My reaction to DP was "woah! That's a lot of money, don't really feel comfortable with that!" Then I had a think and agreed to it, provided we had a written loan agreement, with repayments of £400 a month, and car in our name with spare key until the loan is paid off, due to her poor money management and needing to protect our finances. DP said this would be a good idea, and we went to bed, thinking no more of it.

I've just had SIL ring me swearing at me, shouting down the phone that I'm a vile bitch for daring to ask for a written agreement! Clearly I'm not going to lend her the money now! But my question is...

WIBU to ask for a signed loan agreement in the first place? Was it a step too far?

OP posts:
FondantNancy · 09/01/2017 17:22

She sounds lacking in common sense: she can tie the dogs to the back of the quad bike, surely?

lalalalyra · 09/01/2017 17:23

Certainly not unreasonable to ask her to sign it!

She's offended because she fully intended to pay back. She's a good person... I mean sure maybe sometimes she'll have paid you a bit less one month, or a bit late, and sometimes she might have forgotten to pay you, but she'd have paid... (isn't that how people like that work? Certainly is in my experience!)

Also if she goes on and on - it's not just non-payment you need to protect yourself against. A colleague of DH's lent his house deposit to his brother. His brother was killed in a car accident and there was nothing he could do to get his money back because he had no proof and when his brother's estate was sorted out the person who got the assets declined to help as there was no proof.

Itsallaswizz · 09/01/2017 17:24

Isn't this what car finance is for? Or a bank loan? Or even an interest free cc? On that salary she should be able to use one of these options?

Starlight2345 · 09/01/2017 17:25

I think you had a lucky dodge there.

FancyThatFenceEdge · 09/01/2017 17:29

She earns £50k and cant afford a £2k car?

Sorry, but your SIL is a cunt. And not a nice one. You've dodged a VERY big bullet!

HeWoreAGirlsCardigan · 09/01/2017 17:29

We have had a massive and irreparable family falling out over a similar situation to this recently. When money comes in the door, love flies out of the window as the old saying goes. I wish I had never agreed to lending the money in the first place but would have looked like the villain of the piece for that anyway I guess? You are right to not loan the money. SIL is already crap with money. She is likely to be even crapper with money she may feel like she doesn't have pay back.

FrancisCrawford · 09/01/2017 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhSuckItUpDucky · 09/01/2017 17:33

I can't understand why she's trying to make it your problem
Is she normally this deluded ? Hmm

sleeponeday · 09/01/2017 17:34

Her reaction is all the proof you need that you were very, very wise to make the offer in the form you did.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/01/2017 17:35

I'm surprised nobody's commented on the fact that your OH offered a loan of £1000 and she quickly came back with some story, asking for double that. It seems obvious she was looking for a mug and is disappointed you were far more sensible than that ... definitely one to avoid in future

Champers4Pampers · 09/01/2017 17:38

YANBU

I wouldn't lend her the money even if she had signed.

I dint know how she expects you to help her at all with the attitude she has, she's certainly shown her true colours.

Also a Land Rover for £2000 is probably going to cost her money in service/repairs in the near future. Also dread to think what the road tax would be.Not really the best purchase for someone who's short of cash.

You're better off out of it.

LizB62A · 09/01/2017 17:38

Has she got a secret drug habit?
Earns £50k and doesn't have £2k savings to buy her own car?!
(especially on rent of only £400 - she should be loaded!)

You're right not to lend her any money - what a cow she is !

ChuckSnowballs · 09/01/2017 17:38

with repayments of £400 a month...and yet she says it would take a year to save up?

On £50k, she could cover that in one wage packet.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 09/01/2017 17:40

Good riddance to her.

mya83 · 09/01/2017 17:46

.

HashiAsLarry · 09/01/2017 17:46

If it would take her years to save what you were going to lend her then she definitely wasn't ever planning on paying you back at all. Which proves you were right to insist of a formal agreement in the first place.

Chloe84 · 09/01/2017 17:55

ipswichwitch well spotted

Can't believe you were considering lending it op

HecateAntaia · 09/01/2017 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ilovecaindingle · 09/01/2017 17:58

Tell her to exchange her dogs for collies. They seem to manage on a quad...

Softkitty2 · 09/01/2017 18:02

First of all evem if you had a spare key to the car, a 2k land rover? Wont be much if you were to re sell.

Lending her money should have never been an option since she is terrible with it.. It was more trouble than its worth from the get go.

Softkitty2 · 09/01/2017 18:04

So she is now making it your responsibility to find her alternative transport? Ignore her text and calls. What planet does she live on?

dailymaillazyjournos · 09/01/2017 18:05

I wouldn't get involved here. If that was her reaction to be asked (very reasonably) to sign an agreement, then imagine how it's going to go if she starts missing payments.

It sounds as if she is mismanaging a very reasonable income which is not your problem. If she was struggling on the breadline then perhaps it would be different, but to quote MN she sounds 'very entitled.'

If you are a Judge Rinder fan, you will hear him say time and time again to get a loan agreement signed, even if you are lending to a close and trusted family member/friend. And include in it when the entire debt is to be paid back in full by. If no end date is set then people just say they are still paying it back or intend to but can't quite manage it right now etc etc.

But YANBU to not get involved here at any level.

dailymaillazyjournos · 09/01/2017 18:07

And don't lend her your car either. If she damages it she won't take responsibility for paying for it I imagine.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/01/2017 18:07

She's asking to borrow one of our cars

Surely no one has a spare taxed insured car hanging around at home?Confused

BarbaraofSeville · 09/01/2017 18:09

If she has no spare money how will she pay you back? On £50k and tiny rent, she should have masses of spare income and should have a few thousand at least put aside for exactly this sort of occurence anyway and if she hasn't she isn't going to magic up £400 a month disposable income to pay you back any time soon.

Interest rates are next to nothing. If she wasn't so crap with money she could borrow that from a bank and pay hardly any interest. And if a bank won't lend it to her, why should you?