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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask SIL to sign a loan agreement?

131 replies

SILNeedsaCar · 09/01/2017 16:26

Background...

SIL and I have never got on very well. However recently we have been getting on better.

SIL earns around £50k a year, pays £400 a month rent, but is always skint.

My partner and I have been saving for a house, have £14k sat in the bank but will not be able to get a mortgage until at least May, as that is when our credit will be repaired.

I NEVER lend money to or borrow money from anyone. I don't even have a credit card these days!

Current situation...
Last week, SILs car failed its MOT. It needs £800 worth of work doing. It is worth £400 if she has it repaired. DP offered to lend her £1000 over 3 months, which she accepted.

Yesterday, SIL came back to DP stating she has found a 4x4 she wants to buy, which will cost £2000, and she wants to borrow the entire amount.

My reaction to DP was "woah! That's a lot of money, don't really feel comfortable with that!" Then I had a think and agreed to it, provided we had a written loan agreement, with repayments of £400 a month, and car in our name with spare key until the loan is paid off, due to her poor money management and needing to protect our finances. DP said this would be a good idea, and we went to bed, thinking no more of it.

I've just had SIL ring me swearing at me, shouting down the phone that I'm a vile bitch for daring to ask for a written agreement! Clearly I'm not going to lend her the money now! But my question is...

WIBU to ask for a signed loan agreement in the first place? Was it a step too far?

OP posts:
cx5221 · 09/01/2017 16:44

Her not you btw! Grin

harderandharder2breathe · 09/01/2017 16:45

You know yanbu, tbh don't lend her the money at all, you won't see it agaib

paddypants13 · 09/01/2017 16:45

I wouldn't lend her a penny even with a formal agreement.

Stick to your guns op!

girlelephant · 09/01/2017 16:46

If I had agreed to lend the money I would have also asked for a written agreement.

However her behaviour is disgusting so after that I wouldn't lend her anything. Agree with other posters on that salary she should have no issues getting lending from a financial institution

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/01/2017 16:46

I think your sil blew any chance of a loan (written agreement or not) when she called you a vile bitch Shock

A written agreement would hold some water in a small claims court but would not be a fail safe way of getting your money back in any case.
I think this whole loan thing sounds like the kiss of death to any sort of civil relationship she might have with you and your husband.

It's a NO from me.

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/01/2017 16:48

You were right to ask for a written agreement, her reaction pretty much proves she had no intention of repaying you. And what the fuck was your DH thinking, offering her a loan in the first place? Someone earning £50k should either have the £800 she needed, or be able to borrow from a bank - interest rates are at a record low!

TheMerryWidow1 · 09/01/2017 16:49

what did hubby say?

imjessie · 09/01/2017 16:50

She is he vice bitch ! You are well out of it but for what it's worth I would have done the same and asked her to sign an agreement ! She obviously didn't plan to pay you back !

TweedAddict · 09/01/2017 16:50

It would be cheaper her to buy a brand small car. The Dacia duster works out at about £120 with no or very little put down, my sip has got one as her car was always breaking down. It would be less tax, cheaper to run and come with no mot 3 years plus warranty.

One things for such I wouldn't be buying anything Land Rover for 2k with no spare cash in my pocket. They are very expensive to maintain, and as it it's an older one it have issues. For an good older land rover the best ones still cost 5k+ she will be buying broken. I'm a huge land rover fan but I know what to stay clear from

fabulousathome · 09/01/2017 16:51

And a Land Rover uses tons of petrol. It's not a sensible car to buy for a skint person.

MorrisZapp · 09/01/2017 16:51

Sorry, all this chat about money and loans... Your sister in law ie your husbands sister, has just called you a vile bitch??

Presumably you will never see or speak to her again?

Are all his family like this? It's absolutely not normal. Unless you live in a soap opera or something.

MrsMoastyToasty · 09/01/2017 16:52

So she's earning about £3k per month, paying £400 per month on rent....what is she doing with the remaining income????
These are the type of questions a lender would ask.
Say no.

TweedAddict · 09/01/2017 16:52

Oh and reason she called you a bitch, she had no plan on giving you the money back at all, after all in her eyes you can afford it, your buying a house.

Got to love family

DJBaggySmalls · 09/01/2017 16:53

If she doesnt have £800 to fix her car she can't afford to run a Land rover. It sounds like she is trying to live a lifestyle she cant afford.

Kpo58 · 09/01/2017 16:54

YABU to consider giving her a loan as she could easily save up and buy the car.

YANBU to make her sign a contract if you do decide to give her the money. You will need it if you end up having to take her to court to reclaim the money.

Don't lend to her if you cannot afford to loose the money.

MollyHuaCha · 09/01/2017 16:56

Under these circumstances I would not lend money - with or without written agreement.

HecateAntaia · 09/01/2017 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/01/2017 16:56

Yep she 'll do what most free loaders do when they borrow money; pay back the first instalment and then have excuses why they can't pay the next few (repairs on the car, unexpected bill etc) then they stop speaking to you altogether and conveniently forget the loan ever happened.

Suggest she gets a car on finance and let someone else chase her for money..

londonrach · 09/01/2017 16:57

Tou are right but personally i wouldnt lend a penny to her as can just see problems with this even with agreement in place. Can seeing you going to court to get the money back which will not be good for family relationships. Say no now to stop future problems. Can she use a bus to get to work?

kaitlinktm · 09/01/2017 16:57

If she won't sign a loan agreement one can only assume she intended to default - you are right to be glad to be out of it.

EssentialHummus · 09/01/2017 16:58

A £2000 Land Rover is not a car that screams "financial prudence".

No, you were right. And she can fuck off.

Strongmummy · 09/01/2017 16:58

Lucky escape. Don't lend her a penny

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/01/2017 17:01

Does she have a drug or gambling habit? Shopping addiction?

Vile bitch? Takes one to know one. She can get an unsecured loan from the bank.

Original poster
SILNeedsaCar · 09/01/2017 17:03

DP is home! He's had 19 texts, since 4pm, full of insults, moaning, begging etc. And 3 texts from MIL stating how unreasonable WE are being (this is the same MIL that I had to throw out of my home when pregnant because she was rude Hmm). DP has just rang her and told her if she's so bothered she is welcome to lend SIL the money. We have both agreed she is not getting a penny after her behaviour this afternoon!

To be fair to her car choice, she needs a large car for transporting 2 large dogs. I would have gone for an estate personally...

As for where her money goes, no-one knows.... she has lots of pets, but nothing that is a huge layout.

OP posts:
pipsqueak25 · 09/01/2017 17:03

kait the pp who used the word vile was probably joking Smile as for op dsil ? "wouldn't loan you a pot to piss in love " what a cheeky mare !
interested to hear what dh will say, but she'll probably turn it all around and deny everything, maybe that's why she called instead of text. there'll be tears and tantrums before long.
stick to your guns op !

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