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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to wear clothes for meals?

312 replies

Ollycat · 08/01/2017 18:11

My dh thinks I am VERY unreasonable about this!

I cook every day for my family and all I ask in return is that we eat together at the kitchen table and that we wear clothes (as opposed to a dressing gown).

My husband likes to have a shower and put on his dressing gown (no pj's just dressing gown) and feels I'm VU in my requests that he not eat supper like that.

I don't expect people to wear anything fancy - just clothes as opposed to a gaping dressing gown.

I am cooking a roast tonight and he is in a strop because I asked him to wear clothes. I figure that if I put effort into cooking food he should make some effort back.

So MN AIBU?

OP posts:
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11
harderandharder2breathe · 08/01/2017 18:32

It's not slobby! He gets home, showers, doesn't want to get dressed again so wears dressing gown, nothing wrong with that

Yes it's also your house. You are also entitled to wear a dressing gown to dinner if you want. You don't have a right to dictate to another adult what to wear!

yorkshapudding · 08/01/2017 18:32

I think he should be able to wear what he wants in his own home to be honest. It would be different if you had guests or if it was a special occasion, or if the kids were all out the house so you'd planned a romantic dinner for two. But I don't see anything wrong with him being in a dressing gown in the circumstances you describe.

KellyBoo800 · 08/01/2017 18:32

Ok so the majority think I'm unreasonable but a dressing gown at 6.30? Seriously? It's just slobby?!

I've been in my dressing gown since 2.30pm. I've had a very long week at work, spent yesterday doing housework with DH and lots of other odd jobs, today we went on a long walk and then I decided to have a bath. Put my nightie on afterwards and my dressing gown.

DH didn't even bat an eyelid. It's the weekend. What is wrong with your DH being slobby on a Sunday evening by wearing his dressing gown? What time do you judge to be an appropriate one to put a dressing gown on??

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 08/01/2017 18:32

I'm with the OP. Sitting down to a meal half-naked is bloody grim, and disrespectful to the cook, too.

No-one's asking him to wear a shirt and tie for God's sake! It's hardly difficult or particularly honorous to slip some jeans and a T-shirt on.

Any way, my BIL used to think it was perfectly OK "it' s my house!" to slob around in his underpants in the day-time when visitors re present. Blech! I stopped going round there

melj1213 · 08/01/2017 18:34

YABU - your DH can wear what he wants when he wants ... I have been in my PJs all day because I've fractured my ankle and on bed rest, but on normal days I do shift work but my schedule is always the same - come home, remove uniform, have shower, put on pjs. Some days though I will get out of my work uniform and if I have a few jobs to do I will quite happily wander my house in my underwear to do them before my shower, purely because I can.

It would be one thing if you had issue with him wearing just a dressing gown and wanted him to compromise - so maybe not fully dressed but at least underwear/pj bottoms under his dressing gown - but demanding he put clothes on to sit and have dinner in his own home is just strange to me.

Does food taste better/different if eaten whilst wearing clothes instead of a dressing gown?

dollydaydream114 · 08/01/2017 18:34

I personally couldn't give a toss what my DP wears in the house, regardless of what we're eating and who's cooked it.

I also can't imagine having a relationship in which either partner dictated what the other could and couldn't wear in private in their own home.

controlling? Why?

It's controlling because you're trying to impose your clothing preferences on a grown man! It's controlling because you're expecting him to conform to your arbitrary views on how people should dress in their home rather than accepting that it's down to individual preference.

If the situation was reversed and he told you that he thinks you look really uptight and stuffy in your clothes and that he wants you to wear pyjamas for dinner from now on so everyone can feel more relaxed, I'm sure you'd feel that was controlling and unreasonable.

AmeliaJack · 08/01/2017 18:34

I agree with you OP.

rubyslippers · 08/01/2017 18:35

YABU

Its comfortable / we have plenty of PJ days in our house

SauvignonBlanche · 08/01/2017 18:36

YANBU at all, I'd hate that.

You can argue that it's up to him what he wears, but it's you that has to look at it!

ReggaeShark · 08/01/2017 18:37

YANBU it's a roast dinner not beans on toast. Unless hes been working all day as a PP suggested. But even then some pjs underneath. "Gaping"? Eeew.

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 08/01/2017 18:39

Everyone on MN (as well as all their family members) seem to be permanently in their pyjamas.

MrsGsnow18 · 08/01/2017 18:39

I don't see an issue really. I can never imagine by DH telling me what to wear at home, surely everyone should be comfortable. I don't think it's that slobby if he's just out of the shower. Might be different if he refused to get dressed all day.
Special occasions or guests around then yes I would definitely want him to wear some clothes.

Underthemoonlight · 08/01/2017 18:39

Yabu and treating like a child you have no right to dictate what he wears in his home just because it's your home doesn't give you the right. You sound hardwork.

MarmiteDoesYouGood · 08/01/2017 18:40

On the one hand I agree that what he wears is pretty irrelevant and he's a grown man so should be able to wear whatever the hell he likes.

On the other hand, my OH wearing nothing but a dressing gown all evening from 18.30 onwards would irrationally irk me too Grin

pregnantat50 · 08/01/2017 18:40

I would ask him to put underwear on but a dressing gown is OK

Cherryskypie · 08/01/2017 18:41

I think expecting him to cover his cock during a family meal is pretty reasonable.

pregnantat50 · 08/01/2017 18:42

why not sit naked at the table next meal with a just a 'gaping' dressing gown and see his reaction :)

Chewbecca · 08/01/2017 18:42

YABU, I love to be comfy indoors and would hate for someone to tell me what I should/should not wear.

He's had a shower so he is clean. I'd rather that than he's there in his worn-all-day work clothes.

Less washing too Grin

Scooby20 · 08/01/2017 18:42

It's a courtesy to be dressed for a sitdown meal that has taken some time to prepare.

Says who?

I soent all day yesterday in a dressing gown. Dh cooked dinner. I asked him if he felt disrespected because i wore a dressing gown and he laughed.

If you cook dinner it gives you no right to dictate what otgers wear to the meal. I love how some people talk like its a binding agreement.

RJnomore1 · 08/01/2017 18:42

Yanbu at all.

Ok so it's controlling to tell him what to wear, but if he can't manage to dress in away that doesn't offend the rest of the household then don't cook him dinner. Fairsfair. People who can dress appropriately for the activity can participate.

Don't want glimpses of meat and two veg over my roast tyvm and to ask for some respect from your partner is not unreasonable.

Unless of course you are married to channing Tatum in which case yabvvvvvvvvvvvu Grin

pregnantat50 · 08/01/2017 18:42

cherry that was what I was thinking, especially if eating bangers and mash!

Bluntness100 · 08/01/2017 18:42

Yup, it's totally slobby op, I agree. Sitting in uour gaping dressing gown every night with no pjs on underneath and eating a family dinner. Not ok in my view, but then I don't go to Tescos in mine or host Xmas drinks either, 😝

DementedUnicorn · 08/01/2017 18:44

There's a bit of a difference though in wearing your pjs at dinner and having your balls out!

pregnantat50 · 08/01/2017 18:44

im trying to picture the meal setting. You and kids all dressed and tucking in and your DH in a gaping dressing gown with his bits exposed! :(

RacoonBandit · 08/01/2017 18:46

Both Of us (DP) are currently waiting for tea to cook and are in our dressing gowns. It's our home and the one place we can be truly comfortable.
I would not want to stop that because of some weird dressing for dinner rule.
As long as his junk is not on show it's fine.