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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to wear clothes for meals?

312 replies

Ollycat · 08/01/2017 18:11

My dh thinks I am VERY unreasonable about this!

I cook every day for my family and all I ask in return is that we eat together at the kitchen table and that we wear clothes (as opposed to a dressing gown).

My husband likes to have a shower and put on his dressing gown (no pj's just dressing gown) and feels I'm VU in my requests that he not eat supper like that.

I don't expect people to wear anything fancy - just clothes as opposed to a gaping dressing gown.

I am cooking a roast tonight and he is in a strop because I asked him to wear clothes. I figure that if I put effort into cooking food he should make some effort back.

So MN AIBU?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
Original poster
Ollycat · 09/01/2017 19:28

MrsBlennerhassett there is - I won't go on about it again but explained near tge beginning...

OP posts:
lemonzest123 · 09/01/2017 19:30

This irritated me about my ex.

I used to get home from work after him yet still had to cook every night. We never ever went out to the pictures or for a drink after work. I used to get home and he'd be on his computer, naked under a dressing gown and waiting for his tea to be served. He was 25.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/01/2017 19:35

Lemon- but surely you see that was nothing to do with just wearing his dressing gown?

Planningoz · 09/01/2017 19:37

I feel for you OP. My DH sometimes adopts the gaping dressing gown look. All I ask is that he wears pj or "lounge wear" trousers with it. I am perhaps even more "controlling" than you as I prefer him to wear "bottoms" even when just watching TV. We have 2 daughters and I don't think inadvertently flashing them at the dinner table or on the settee is appropriate (and nor do they!) Having said that when we are getting ready for work or bed (or school) we all tend to wander to and from the bathroom stark naked. Maybe it's an upstairs downstairs thing with me - although a nude mad dash to the washing frame for clean knickers is not without precedent......Note to self - must sort out my own issues.......
ps - so long as you are not insisting on uncomfortable day clothes such as jeans, proper trousers and shirt then No IMO YANBU x

MrsBlennerhassett · 09/01/2017 19:41

well then i think the thing is that you need to sit down and talk about it. Obviously you have your reasons for the dressing gown upsetting you which are added to by the feeling that he is ignoring your feelings! But then i think you need to find out his side of it? Does he feel perhaps that you want to pretend nothing ever happened, or does he maybe feel that you are continuing to hold something against him or punish him and so wears the dressing gown in defiance? Think its something you need to have an in depth chat about with him because its not as simple as should he get dressed or not, its got an emotional meaning for you and it may well be that it does for him too.

CommunionHelp · 09/01/2017 19:47

It's been a whole 9 minutes since the last pyjamas/dressing gown/home thread.

I can't think of anything more annoying than trying to eat a roast dinner with gaping long sleeves wafting around.

Original poster
Ollycat · 09/01/2017 20:11

MrsBlennerhassett you're right we should talk about it. For me wearing it is him pretending that it didn't happen and that he didn't treat us the way he did but maybe he sees it differently.

OP posts:
jayne1976 · 09/01/2017 20:20

Tv dinner maybe, but seems a bit grim to be eating your roast at the table in a dressing gown. Maybe he needs to invest in some casual pjs / tshirt / jogging bottoms that he can lounge around in after his shower.

MsJudgemental · 09/01/2017 20:22

Can't he shower after dinner?

llangennith · 09/01/2017 20:25

YANBU. Can't he put jogging trousers on and a tshirt?
Next he'll be popping to Tesco in his PJs😁

Blu99 · 09/01/2017 20:27

If you're eating around a table then it should be some form of clothing. I'll always wear pjs around the house once I've bathed but I would have had dinner beforehand

barkinginessex · 09/01/2017 20:33

YANBU at all! I don't understand why lots of people on this thread seem to be permanently in their PJs! It's rude and disrespectful not to be dressed for dinner, it's not hard to put jeans and a tshirt on. Some days I change after work (into nice clothes!) but sometimes I stay in my work clothes until bedtime. Why would I change into slobby clothes in front of DP when I've made the effort at work all day.

laSegundaPaloma · 09/01/2017 20:48

I would not expect my DH to wear pyjamas and / or dressing gown to dinner in the evenings because this is not a hospital or convalescence unit!
I go to quite an effort cooking dinner for him because he travels a lot and doesn't eat that we'll always when he's away. So to me it's rude. Just the same as if he was taking me out for dinner and I just came down in old jeans or something.
We do have pancakes in pyjamas at weekends though.
YANBU OP.

barkinginessex · 09/01/2017 20:50

Oh OP I just read your update, how awful for you all. I completely understand how the dressing gown has become a reminder of dark times Flowers.

MrsHathaway · 09/01/2017 21:26

Do you think he actually remembers, OP ?

Carol2013 · 09/01/2017 21:38

Nope YANBU. I can't stand people lounging around in PJ's and dressing gowns. Its fair enough later on when you're getting ready for bed. Each to their own in their own house, I just personally don't like it. I would not cook for my partner if he sat at the table in a dressing gown but luckily he feels the same as me.

cheval · 09/01/2017 21:44

Defo he needs to cover gapes up. And look vaguely clean. Actually, that whole thing of not bothering quite annoys me.

Original poster
Ollycat · 09/01/2017 22:53

MrsHathaway good point- yes he does but probably not with the clarity I do.

OP posts:
1horatio · 09/01/2017 22:57

No shoes, no shirt, no service.

So, in your case...

No bottoms, no shirt, no food.

MrsHathaway · 09/01/2017 23:02

Hmm, I did wonder. Perhaps that's the angle then.

Bobochic · 10/01/2017 09:14

In general I expect people to be dressed for dinner, yes. Though I do have exceptions on a Sunday night.

Aki23 · 10/01/2017 10:22

Its his house as much as yours - I thought this was going to be a post about him coming to the table naked. I would ask for pants but wouldn't be bothered otherwise. ive eated in just underwear or pjs.

Bobochic · 10/01/2017 10:38

Within a house/home it is important to behave with respect towards other members of the household as well as relaxing for one's own comfort. There is a necessary balance to be struck.

halcyondays · 10/01/2017 10:42

yabu

Hohumming · 10/01/2017 10:49

I see your point but as somebody who changes into pjs early in the evening, I understand why he does it too. Unless going back outside, it doesn't really make sense to get dressed again after an evening shower.

Could you eat before he showers? Would he wear pjs at least around the house?

What does he wear when the dressing gown is in the laundry? Smile