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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to courier.

433 replies

anannoyinglylongusername · 08/01/2017 16:21

Amazon courier just asked to use the loo. I was alone in the house with a baby. I said no and immediately dropped a note to Amazon to say I wasn't impressed that it made me feel uncomfortable.

I feel a bit bad now...remind me that I did the right thing please?!

OP posts:
letsgomaths · 08/01/2017 17:02

If you'd refuse access to your toilet to any driver who asks: the helpful alternative would be to tell them where one is, be it a petrol station, McDonalds, café, pub. (Incidentally, I've heard many bad things about Amazon, but not that they treat their drivers so badly - I shall bear that in mind!)

Although many of us would rightly hesitate to let cold callers into the house, the driver is not exactly a cold caller, because he's bringing something you ordered, so in my view could be trusted slightly more than a complete stranger. It's true though that you're not expecting the toilet request.

In some places (e.g. rougher parts of London), public toilets are rare, especially those accessible by car. Many petrol stations have closed theirs because of drug users. A male friend of mine who was a driving instructor in inner London would frequently ask to use his pupils' toilets after a lesson, due to the scarcity of public ones (the rare ones were marked on his map). He said only one person ever refused. He didn't even have the option of discreetly doing it outdoors (nowhere suitable in a big city), as a long-distance lorry driver might do at the side of the road in the middle of nowhere.

Boundaries · 08/01/2017 17:03

OP - you realise none of the people saying "he's going to not have his contract renewed" actually KNOW that will happen, right?

TBH, assuming the driver was a grown up, if he thought he'd get fired for asking to use the loo then he probs wouldn't have done it..

timelytess · 08/01/2017 17:04

Your were right not to let him in. If it had been a woman, you shouldn't have let her in either.
The courier was wrong to ask. They are mobile, they can reach public facilities.
You were right to tell Amazon. In the worst case scenario there might be the odd unscrupulous courier trying to gain access to people's houses for nefarious reasons. Better the company knows.

MaudOnceMore · 08/01/2017 17:06

Your house, your rules and all that but it does seem rather uncharitable and contacting Amazon is definitely over the top.

gamerchick · 08/01/2017 17:06

You complained about him?

Fucking hell, poor bastard. Not only does he now have to piss in a bottle in his van, he could face disciplinary and/or the sack.

Fair enough saying no, I wouldn't have but that's not here nor there. You really didn't have to report him for asking.

Still now you know.

Mama1980 · 08/01/2017 17:06

Honestly I would have let him in, and have done so in the past, would not occur to me not to TBH.

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 08/01/2017 17:07

Of course I'd let him use the toilet - couriers, posties, delivery guys. Have you any idea how much pressure they're under? They need a quick wee, not to have to spend ages looking for a public toilet, parking etc. People as so over the top about 'the danger' of letting someone in. Seriously over the top. They are SO easily identifiable if anything does happen, it's really not worth their job. If a bloke wants to attack or rape a woman there are far less traceable ways of doing it.

Original poster
anannoyinglylongusername · 08/01/2017 17:08

time I would have said no if it was a woman too. it wasn't because he was male it was because he was a stranger.

I do think the fact he was quite a big guy made me feel a little more uncomfortable though.

OP posts:
Chocoholicmonster · 08/01/2017 17:08

what employer would jump straight to dismissal??

What customer would write an email of complaint for a human being asking to use their toilet politely & then accepting when told no & going back to his van to continue his job??

Kirriemuir · 08/01/2017 17:08

I'd have let him in too. Pretty shocked about writing to Amazon though. That's really low. Wonder how you'd feel if a shop declined a visit to the loo with your children?

Original poster
anannoyinglylongusername · 08/01/2017 17:10

oh come on kirriemuir you know that's in no way comparable. I'm taking all the responses on board but that's just silly.

You can't see the difference between asking for entry to a strangers home and using a shop toilet?? Hmm

OP posts:
gamerchick · 08/01/2017 17:11

Boundaries

OP. - you realise none of the people saying "he's going to not have his contract renewed" actually KNOW that will happen, right

Really? Any complaint against a driver from a customer is taken very seriously.

Chocoholicmonster · 08/01/2017 17:12

I actually feel quite sad / angry on behalf of the man. Imagine if he does now lose his job & possibly have a family to provide for all because you had 5 minuets to spare to fire off an email to Amazon. I hope you aren't ever caught short, OP.

whattodowiththepoo · 08/01/2017 17:12

Saying no is fine, complaining is unnecessary and mean.

Onemorewonthurt · 08/01/2017 17:12

I'd have let him in too and contacted his employer Confused

dollydaydream114 · 08/01/2017 17:13

It was perfectly acceptable for him to ask.

It was perfectly acceptable for you to say no.

I don't really understand why you needed to email Amazon and complain. He couldn't have known that you were alone in the house, and provided he accepted your refusal politely he hasn't done anything wrong.

If I'd been alone in the house I think I would probably have said no too, but I wouldn't felt uncomfortable that he asked and I certainly wouldn't have felt any need to complain.

Thingiebob · 08/01/2017 17:14

Yanbu unreasonable to say no. It's your home and you have every right to refuse entry. People on here saying otherwise are just mean. If a woman feels uncomfortable by a strange man's request, than we should all be encouraging her to protect herself, not sneering at her.

Complaining to Amazon was OTT though.

Boundaries · 08/01/2017 17:14

Yep, I'm sure it is gamer - but if the OP's email was phrased as suggested, there is no cause for him to be sacked.

If it's the 5th, 6th, 25th time he's made someone feel uncomfortable to someone's house then perhaps there's an issue.

And none of the people claiming he'll be sacked DO know, do they, gamer?

Original poster
anannoyinglylongusername · 08/01/2017 17:15

If it's not unreasonable of him to ask - why would they dismiss him??

If you really think they would dismiss him then wouldn't that mean he did something wrong to ask in the first place?

I really don't want to see him lose his job (and I hope that amazon have disregarded my email now) but I can't agree that it was ok for him to ask

OP posts:
tazzle22 · 08/01/2017 17:16

If he was delivering to my house there are no public other supermarket shops for miles so no options for anyone to pee.

If anyone geeks so vulnerable they would not let anyone in in case untoward actions happen then why on earth do you ever open the door when you are alone. Once the door is open any determined person is in.

If you feel vulnerable but want open the door there are recordings of huge dogs Barking... put opportunist off

If really that scared open the door with pepper spray in your hand .

dollydaydream114 · 08/01/2017 17:16

I do think the fact he was quite a big guy made me feel a little more uncomfortable though.

He can't actually help being 'quite a big guy', can he? It's not his fault you were uncomfortable. 'Big' doesn't equal 'dangerous'. A big man is no more likely to harm you than a small one.

fruitbats · 08/01/2017 17:16

YWBVU. I would have let him use the toilet. I would never have sent such an email of complaint. It was irrelevant who the parcel was for.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 08/01/2017 17:17

Op I wouldn't have let him in either. For all you know he wasn't even a real courier, he could have been a serial killer. It's unlikely of course, but I'm sure most people murdered by serial killers thought it was unlikely as well.

BertrandRussell · 08/01/2017 17:19

"For all you know he wasn't even a real courier, he could have been a serial killer."

Please tell me you're joking?

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