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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how not to be frumpy

377 replies

Moomoomango · 08/01/2017 11:54

I feel like total mum frump. I'm overweight (working on it) I rarely put on make up and I generally feel like a frump. I'm only 29, two children 5&1. Please tell me how mums at soft play look so put together and gorgeous- whilst I am just straggling along delighted we've made it out the house? What simple routines / things should I do / buy to look less frumpy?!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Heatherjayne1972 · 08/01/2017 14:35

Keep Lipgloss mascara and face cream in the bathroom -in the morning takes 30 seconds to apply another lipgloss goes in your jeans pocket
Ironed clothes that aren't tatty decent bra polished shoes
It's the small things that add up
(Preaches to self )

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 08/01/2017 14:36

Gel eyeliner defines your eyes and looks grown up even even you don't wear a scrap of any other makeup.
Takes seconds

GTS · 08/01/2017 14:42

Makeup for me too. The facebook group MrsGloss&TheGoss has been a revelation to me and I feel much more confident using new makeup and techniques now (plus they're all very friendly and supportive!)

Olympiathequeen · 08/01/2017 14:46

Console yourself with the fact you are a great mum and while the other mums are feeding their egos you are playing with your children!

Works for me.

SemiNormal · 08/01/2017 14:50

Console yourself with the fact you are a great mum and while the other mums are feeding their egos you are playing with your children!

What a bitchy comment. Perhaps other mums are ironing their clothes, painting their nails, doing their eyebrows etc whilst the kids are in bed and get up earlier than their kids to do their make up.

Whatabloodyidiot1 · 08/01/2017 14:50

I play with my children, wear make up and nice clothes Olympia. The two aren't mutually exclusive.....
I am a mother AND a woman.....shock horror.

Runny · 08/01/2017 14:56

I'd go to Debenhams or somewhere similar and ask one of the make up girls for some advice on what suits you. My personal favourite is Benefit, I find their staff really helpful and friendly. Mac as well.

Lorelei76 · 08/01/2017 15:01

OP you posted in AIBU
so I'm going to chime in with "why does it matter"
I know ot gets weird
My friends and colleagues are glam, I am not
It does get a bit weird but then I think, well I'm me. I don't care about being frumpy and I don't enjoy the style stuff
I particularly hate the work part - the more women do this, the more it's expected of women to do this. I'm expecting redundancy this year and I'm dreading job interviews and seeing how high the standards are for women in other places, mine isn't that smart technically but it feels like the bar is raised for women all the time.

So ask yourself, do you want to spend time, money, effort on this? If not, don't.

Yamadori · 08/01/2017 15:01

The three things that make me feel like a normal human instead of a frumpy lump are lip gloss, clear nail varnish (your nails look shiny even if half of it has come off) and wearing shoes rather than trainers.

queenofthebucket · 08/01/2017 15:03

Someone has almost certainly already said this,
Get a really good fitting pair of jeans and be prepared to spend a bit of cash.
if you can get to a `TK Maxx they have some amazing deals.
I find that shoes rather than trainers give me a boost

I used to be a fan of those "ten years younger' tv shows and remember that what really made a difference was a great haircut.
That was why they left that till the end of the show.

mikado1 · 08/01/2017 15:03

Thanks op, really needed this thread, my self esteem is in my (clod hopping) boots. However I am just in from getting (horrific ) eyebrows threaded and dyed my hair last night. Nails tonight. Delighted then to stumble across this thread, thiugh blushing as I recognize myself over and over.. I am a size 8-10 so it's not just size, for me it's being bothered to spend time on me and I need to sort it, for me. The lollipop man told me he mixed me up with another mum-I was horrified when he pointed her out-frumpy and exhausted looking.. it gave me a shock and I can see the likeness between us now. I would love to afford some nice few 'key' items!

Bluntness100 · 08/01/2017 15:09

Console yourself with the fact you are a great mum and while the other mums are feeding their egos you are playing with your children!

OohNoDooEy · 08/01/2017 15:09

Just emulate the style of the ones you think look good and appropriate. Being overweight doesn't have to mean frumpy at all.

The uniform of the mums in my town is jeans (straight/slim/skinny), converse or ankle boots, plain/striped top. Nothing too fussy.

Make up is minimal - bb cream, blusher, little eyeshadow, lipsyl, mascara. Hair is just done quickly for the most part. Short, clean nails look smart.

Mrsjudelaw66 · 08/01/2017 15:19

Don't get a "mum cut". Whether it's long or short make sure it's in a style that nods towards current trends. Another fan of skinny jeans or jeggings. Team with fashionable jumpers, scarves and a decent winter coat, denim or biker jacket.

EnormousTiger · 08/01/2017 15:24

Simple things that cost nothing:

Eat nothning at all and only drink water until lunch time.
Then eat only twice a day and make sure it's just something like fish, sardines eg, raw carrots, loads of veg, eggs. Nothing processed. Once you are 8 - 9 stone you won't feel frumpy. It's always in the weight.

caffelatte100 · 08/01/2017 15:26

Enormous, are you joking?!

228agreenend · 08/01/2017 15:27

Find clothes the suit,your figure, rather than are in fashion. I'm wear shaped so,it's bootcuts for me, bit
T skinnier look awful.

Similarly, I can't wear any v-neck,tops.

Find colours that suit you. I remeber going clothes shopping once with a frind and we both tried,on the same top. It made me look frumpy, but the colour looked amazing on her.

Wear boot/shoes,instead of trainers.

228agreenend · 08/01/2017 15:28

Enormous - if I did that I'd be passed,out by 10 o'clock!

SemiNormal · 08/01/2017 15:33

It's always in the weight. - Oh dear, you poor misguided soul.

Manijo · 08/01/2017 15:33

nice hair style...find a bob one of the easiest to manage but has to be long enough to tie back for exercise.
eyebrows threaded or waxed.
mascara and a bit of blusher, tinted lipsalve (I'm 50+ but rarely wear foundation)
I do wear jeans or cropped chinos most of the time but with some patent ankle boots(in the winter) or thick sole on trend shoes. Wedge sandals in the summer but not too high. Toes painted!
I avoid florals, patterns etc for tops and tend to wear plain tops form Zara, Mango etc they tend to do them in various colours and not too expensive either. Or a nice plain shirt.
Hate to say it but you're a young woman so loose the weight. keep a food diary for a week and it will soon show how much snacking you do (literally write down everything you eat and drink. I do that when I'm struggling with a couple of pounds and it soon shows how much crap I'm eating.
As pp poster mentioned too...watch your body posture. You will feel and look so much more confident if you hold yourself straight and it's good for those tummy muscles! Good Luck young lady!

FishlessCake · 08/01/2017 15:35

Enormous Confused

1horatio · 08/01/2017 15:37

Clothes that genuinely fit, flattering cuts
A good skincare regime
Put your hair in a nice pony tail (maybe with some hair wrapped around the base), some sort of half up half down. If you have a bun then make sure that it's a genuinely nice one and not just a tumble.

However, I think investing your energy (and potentially money) in weight loss is your best bet.

Not eating sugar could be an easy way to drastically lower your calorie intake (depending on your diet?) and don't ever drink your calories. Don't drink fruit juices etc. it's sooo much sugar and it won't fill you up.

1horatio · 08/01/2017 15:39

Btw, I'm not saying that plus-size people automatically look frumpy. But I think it's just easier to look put together and feel confident if you're not overweight.

Anatidae · 08/01/2017 15:41

I've not had my hair cut for a few years now - to get to the hairdressers is a tip into the city, no one to look after ds. TBH it always looks the same after anyway.
Makeup just doesn't stay on - lipstick flakes off in minutes, mascara etc instantly slides off into panda eyes... plus most of it irritates the skin.
I'm overweight (16) and apple shaped after a baby and I look awful :( used to be a size 8 but I just can't seem to shift the weight (I'm trying) and it's hard with no time to rxcercise. It was -20 out last night, so no brisk walking and I can no longer run after pregnancy (crippling spd.)

So yeah, I'm frumpy. I've given up really. All this about picking clothes that look good. none of them look good on me ffs. There's no magic style that suddenly makes me look good. It's also hard to look good when you're getting virtually no sleep and have a toddler who is a whirlwind and never sleeps.

Meh. Embrace it I guess? Not everyone is beautiful. I'm certainly not

Blankiefan · 08/01/2017 15:47

Took me 3 years after having DD to even care about this and another 6 months to get my shit together. Good luck