To ask how not to be frumpy

[Moomoomango]

I feel like total mum frump. I'm overweight (working on it) I rarely put on make up and I generally feel like a frump. I'm only 29, two children 5&1. Please tell me how mums at soft play look so put together and gorgeous- whilst I am just straggling along delighted we've made it out the house? What simple routines / things should I do / buy to look less frumpy?!

Please can someone tell me what 'frumpy' means? I've realised after the Boden thread and this one that I don't know! Maybe I need to change my username :)

These are great suggestions thank you! I want to be less frumpy for me - I want to feel confident and somewhat sleek rather than dumpy and bedraggled !

I am so guilty of worn out trainers and my coat is like a full on waterproof number.

This has given me inspiration thank you.

Hair is mid length now (grown out bob) what sort of hair style is easily maintained and nice looking?

I have never seen anyone in soft play looking anything other than frumpy. Combination of crap light, no shoes and an excess of small hyper children. It's a place to go and not give a shit.

I think the trick is to find a cut of jeans you feel good in and buy several pairs. Same with tops - find a cut or style you feel instantly confident in, and buy a handful of them. Make sure they can be chucked in the machine and tumbled, so you don't have to iron anything.
Chose shoes or boots that look good but that you can also walk really well in. People look better if they walk tall with a spring in their step.
Depending on colouring, add a touch of lipstick and mascara, and get a really nice coat in a colour that suits you.
Study the other mums and work out who has a similar body shape to you, who you always think looks nice. Check which outfits you think really work and then look around for something similar.
No two people have the same idea of frumpy. Up thread someone said black knee high leather boots are frumpy. News to me. I've seen loads of very glamorous women wearing them this winter. I'd say scruffy trainers and shapeless jeans and fleeces.

Personally I think it's much more important to look and smell clean rather than looking Topshop trendy. For me the most frumpy people always have greasy, unwashed hair pulled back into a bun or ponytail, no make up and a zip up fleece type top and badly fitting jeans. But the thing I always notice the most is how clean people are and how they smell....! I admit I judge people far more on that than anything else.

Your body may well have changed after two pregnancies and it can take a while to work out what suits you all over again. Give it time, try on lots of stuff (not easy I know with small children) and don't be too hard on yourself. I only had one child and I still looked like crap for five or six years but got by thanks to a good hairdresser and a nice coat.

I don't like the word 'frumpy' because it's often used to imply personality as well as style.

Why does it matter? Because I enjoy it.

Waterproof coats are a must if you have children and do the school run! However if it's not raining then you shouldn't be wearing it!
I have a waterproof, a parka for when it's freezing (French connection, great fit, lined with goose down and like wearing a sleeping bag) a trench coat for spring/early autumn and a leopard print 3 quarter length fur coat from top shop that looks great with everything from jeans to skirts/dresses etc. None are majorly expensive but they're fashions that are unlikely to go anywhere, they fit well and they suit me and my shape. Different scarves/hats help to stop me feeling bored.
Join asos premier, it's £15 per year for free next day delivery on everything and free returns. It means you can order a shit load of clothes and try them on at home with your own stuff and (most importantly) without having to drag small children round shops, and back again when you realise that nothing fits.....
Good ankle boots, good trainers and good sandals in the summer. For the love of god stay away from cheap ballet shoes.

And yes to finding something that suits you and that you love and then proceeding to buy it in every colour. I'm guilty of this with top shop 'joni ' jeans, H&M vests and Zara 3 quarter length dresses!

Focus on losing weight and maintaining it. Get your hair done. Get a few beauty treatments done. Then when you've lost weight splurge on a personal shopping service and spend spend spend

For me I feel better about myself if I'm wearing make up (although rarely have time before school run), my eyebrows threaded and no roots.

I get my eyebrows done every couple of weeks when DH is in. Doesn't take long but it's a little thing.

Bootcut jeans, walking boots and a fleece is frumpy to me.

To me, frumpy is two things:

• Not making the best of yourself/not caring about appearance. As previously mentioned, scraped back hair/joggers/fleeces/looking unkempt are all examples. Clothes that don't fit properly, no make-up.

• Wearing clothes that are no longer in style. Too-short bootcuts/mum boots/tunics & leggings for example. No-one is expecting cutting-edge fashion, but if you are too far adrift from current trends this marks you out as frumpy, I think. Read a few glossy magazines or blogs, look at what's in the shops, and what people on the street are wearing.

Being overweight does not make you frumpy (think of people who are not model-thin, like Dawn French or Adele, who dress brilliantly for their body shape), but wearing clothes that don't flatter your shape is not doing you any favours. And if bodyweight affects your self-confidence, then that won't help either.

Maybe it shouldn't matter what you look like.....but we all know it does matter for many of us, and our self-image is closely tied to our confidence and happiness.

Tunics and leggings can look fantastic if the tunic is shaped (think well fitted kurti/kaftan) and you pair with heels or smart boots and nice accessories. As long as the outfit fits you properly you're ok

What are mum boots? I have a feeling I might not want to know/may wear them

Not giving up my bootcut jeans for anyone,buster. Find out what YOU like and stick with it; damn all fashions that are just there to take your money.

Also make-up brings me out in a vile rash, so no to that too. And if that makes me "frumpy", don't care. Rather that than be scratching my skin off 24/7.

Black with a heel? Otherwise known as "boots". Blimey.

Have a look at this thread, it's was posted about looking good with a younger baby but there are some great tips on there:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/2816737-What-are-your-tips-for-looking-stylish-with-a-baby-toddler

Oh as expected with the mum shoes then!! at least I don't wear them with the fleece!!
So if you are slightly overweight and wear skinny/straight jeans what ARE you supposed to wear on your feet?
Feel like I am awakening from an extended trip out of the real world after having kids...

Save the technical gear, fleeces/ branded coats like north face etc for walking in the mountains only - classic sign have given up on style if you wear this stuff at any other time.
Good fitting bra, clothes ironed.
Up to date skinny jeans as others have said.
I am a big fan of jumpers, skirts, tights and boots look. Plain tops on black/navy work for this and can be more interesting with the skirt. You look like you have gone to so much more effort than if you wear jeans jeans.
Nice bag and boots.
Personally I think a pony tail can work if you do it nicely. I find a high ponytail more flattering on me and. A low one makes me feel frumpy and old.

I have black boots with a low kitty heel- they are anything but frumpy.

germaine I wear meghan markle style leather loafers

Hmm, my staple wardrobe is basically tunics / shift dresses with leggings and long leather boots. Is this frumpy? They're mostly a fitted shape and sometimes wear a belt. Am tall and slim. Would never have known this was unfashionable - all purchased in the most recent sales