To ask how not to be frumpy

[Moomoomango]

I feel like total mum frump. I'm overweight (working on it) I rarely put on make up and I generally feel like a frump. I'm only 29, two children 5&1. Please tell me how mums at soft play look so put together and gorgeous- whilst I am just straggling along delighted we've made it out the house? What simple routines / things should I do / buy to look less frumpy?!

First, find your style and get comfy with it. I like wearing miniskirts with leggins and boots and skinny jeans and hoodies but I'm careful about them being the right size for me so I don't look frumpy. No tracksuit bottoms or oversized t-shirts. You can be comfy while looking good.

Console yourself with the fact you are a great mum and while the other mums are feeding their egos you are playing with your children!

Not mutually exclusive. Kids start comparing you with their friends' mums at a remarkably early age. If you're a slob they are going to notice and they're probably going to be blunt.

I also think it's about developing your own style. If you have a look that your happy with, perhaps it's a comprise but it works then stuff anyone else.

I don't do style I do what i like and makes me feels good - if i want to wear leggings i will wear them just the same as thick tights. It's all about looking out together rather then following trends.

read a bit of the threads, so many jeans lovers but Im not a fan.

One of the most simple stylish mums i know wears trousers/chinos with a shirt, minimal jewellery and sleek bob - she's confident and always looks stylish iykwim

bluntness
Maybe it depends on body type? Height?

I'm slightly taller than the UK average (I think) and I'm quite athletic. They really work for me. And I'm so glad they're fashionable again, it's easier to find nice ones nowadays... But I also like skinnies. Especially with riding boots :)

Saukko do you know that some of these godawful women who you wish to shake up may not be able to afford anything more than what they have for emotional or financial situations - or wait for it -

May just not care?

I don't for example. I come from a long line of women who didn't and don't.

And yet - gosh - why am I so enormously satisfied wh my life and my accomplishments?

Whether I am delivering a talk in Fukuoka, Japan wearing second hand tops while while breastfeeding a baby, whether I am running down the streets of Milan in my primark jeans to teach a class with DH and baby in a cheapish stroller beside me - or whether I am lounging about at home working on my next book before I hop into the car to pick up some food wearing my matalan trainers...

I cannot care.

Please be aware that some of these women you judge - may either not deserve to be judged - or may not be running the same race as you at all.

Research: Look online at people/celebs you think are "stylish" and see what they do well. Also look at your body shape and try to wear things which flatter that. There's a guide here but you can find others online as well.

Choose a colour scheme so everything goes together. Nearly all of my clothes are black, white, grey, or dark blue which saves a lot of time in the mornings.

Choose blazers, smart jackets and leather/leather-look jackets rather than fleeces.

Choose t-shirts/blouses which fit well.

Wear jeans or trousers rather than leggings (okay, some people look great in leggings. I am not one of them)

Make sure your hair is always clean, dry, and nicely brushed (straight parting, no flyaway frizz etc). Get it cut before you get split ends.

Follow a skincare routine, including exfoliating especially if you have greasy/acne skin (like me )

I just wear lip gloss & mascara normally, sometimes nothing. Other people will wear more. I think makeup is something which you need to try out yourself and see what suits you, or maybe book a tutorial with a consultant e.g. at MAC - I've no idea how much that costs though.

I'm not a mother but at 45 sometimes think I'm verging into frumpsville.

This weekend I bought in a sale a Korean brand navy and bright pink leopard oversized sweater, an Emily and Fin duck egg blue pointelle cardigan, but have also bought some silver Zara Taylor long drop feather earrings and some chrome/metal sort of arrow shaped earrings (they're not arrow like a horizontal line with upward strokes but upwards not downwards like a tree...

I also buy an browse Top Shop occasionally for really good basics (my favourite Air Force blue jumper is from there from last year) and even New Look for jumpers that wash and wear well - about 2 years ago got a pink roll neck jumper from there and a blue checked one for my mum from there, both are warm but also with a nod to stylish.

You wouldn't see me in Breton tops if I were a mum, not mad keen on converse either (prefer Superga). I would maybe get a striped jersey dress (friend got one from Joules last year) but toughen it up with black leather biker jacket.

I have tried and failed to love Cos but do like &otherstories for various clothes. Natura are a Spanish brand, you can order online but love their boots eg.

Nothing wrong in trying a peasant embroidered blouse for fashion sake. I noticed a lot of young mums when I worked in SW19 liked Uniqlo (can't stand them personally apart from heat tech!) and Oasis. I would steer well clear of White stuff and Fat Face and also Monsoon.

Oh and YY to creme blusher, Clarins facial oils that go under your moisturiser (there are 3, the energising one is amazing) and Mrs Gloss!

Can someone please explain why black leather knee high boots are frumpy? Doesn't it depend on what they are worn with? I wear them for work with a pencil skirt. I also wear a pair at weekends with skinny jeans. If I didn't wear them, what should I wear instead?

She pairs this with jeans that don't fit and a sad, sad expression. Eventually she'll shake herself out of it... it just ain't right.

Jesus... maybe she is sad... maybe she's having a really hard time and her day has just been made a whole lot worse by having someone look her up and down and sneer at her.

I'm sure you're gorgeous. On the outside

No need to be grumpy. There are some wonderful long running threads on S&B that are worth checking out.

Grumpy? Frumpy even!

usedtobeapaxmanfan they're not frumpy per se but I think I know what the PP who said that means....

When I used to work in central London I saw 2 women wear those black leather knee high heeled boots, 1 literally all the time, the other come winter they'd be out... But with no style to them!

Mine are suede and one has a patent heel (&other stories), the other is a greyed black and is slouch (White Stuff), have got others that I don't wear.

I couldn't personally see myself in black leather knee high boots.

Jaag, whilst your sentiment is admirable and works for you (albeit, in a rather smug fashion) this thread was started by an OP who DOES care about her physical appearance, it DOES matter to her, she doesn't want to be frumpy! So in that context your post really isn't relevant nor is it helpful. In fact you seem to have gone out of your way to make women who care what they look like feel they are somehow lacking? Which is ironic as that is exactly why you are slating saukko.....

| Jaagojaago, that's an unfair post Saukko, although I get she hit a nerve and you're being defensive.

The thread is about self confidence in the way we dress and present outselves, frumpy or stylish. It's not about our personal achievements.

The two are mot linked, you can have a huge amount of achievements and be frumpy and uou can have a huge amount of achievements and be stylish.

don't know why your mascara slides off though and gives you panda eyes and uour lipstick chips off in mins. That's not usual

I dunno - I've even tried primer - lipstick just doesn't work on me - my lips are constantly dry. I've tried every lip balm in existence and I slather them with moisturiser but lippy just doesn't last more than minutes on me. I don't touch my face and my skin isn't greasy - make up just doesn't stay on.
My hair is incredibly thick - no style stays on it (I have tried.) it just looks the same. Right now it's waist length and scraped back. Hey ho.

I'm always clean - shower at least once daily and fresh clothes daily. I just have no idea how to make myself look good - nothing suits me now I'm fat and apple shaped so what's the point? All these spoke saying just find something that suits - nothing does if you're short and round.

I'm frumpy. I don't think that's going to change. I'm sure other mums judge, but such is life.

Console yourself with the fact you are a great mum and while the other mums are feeding their egos you are playing with your children!

You know, it takes just as long to put on jeans that fit and a thinner, fitted jumper than baggy shapeless jeans and a boxy fleece. You can be comfy, warm and look nice.

I liken knee high boots :)

However, I mean knee high as in until the knee. Not over the knee. Because when I googled it (just now) most 'kneehigh' boots are actually overknees.
Or are kneehighs actually overknees and I'm the wird one? ;)

ana

Your hair sounds lovely! Maybe a nice half up/half down do? Something braided?

What kind of mascara did you use? Have you tried a waterproof brand?

And anyhow, there's no need to wear makeup. A makeupless look doesn't mean you're frumpy! :)

Im not sure about the style... skinny jeans and a top in a nice colour? With a flattering neckline?

Console yourself with the fact you are a great mum and while the other mums are feeding their egos you are playing with your children!

That may possibly be the judgiest, stupidest thing I've heard on here in 2017.

Horatio. Yes you're probably right, it's body shape, I'm a bit straight up and down, leaning towards apple and so wide leg jeans do little for me. Jeans are weird though, very personal in terms of what works best.

I'm short and apple shaped. Nothing fits right and nothing makes me look good. I used to sew a lot but I don't have time now - ds wakes every hour or so still at 15 months so I never have time.
Yes I've tried waterproof mascara - every brand I've tried irritates my eyes.

I just don't bother. What's the point? I'm exhausted - when I look in the mirror I see a pale, grey ageing fat woman. I don't seem to be able to fix it.

Suggestions:
A good haircut that works with what your hair naturally does. Tell the hairdresser you're looking for low maintenance and actually read reviews of salons and stylists before picking someone to try.
You're only 29, so look at Pinterest and at what other 29 year olds are wearing - DO NOT just default to 'mum' shops frequented by women 10+ years older than you, i.e. Monsoon.
If pressed for time, ALWAYS wear dresses. Much, much easier than separates because you just have to match the dress with some shoes and perhaps a cardigan or somesuch - much easier than 5+ multiple bits.
Semi permanent eyebrow microblading (I have mine done, they're great - always look perfect.)
If you're fair, dye your eyebrows and eyelashes yourself with this stuff: www.amazon.co.uk/Strictly-Professional-Eyelash-Eyebrow-Brown/dp/B002AD8VEW
If wanting to wear makeup, use a compact foundation and lipstain rather than stick, and a good, black mascara (Bourgois volume something triangular one with the mirror is good, or Max Factor Masterpiece Max).
Buy some fun, cheap jewellery. Nothing wrong with a bit of Primark fun - it doesn't have to be expensive.

blunt

Probably:) I'm not as tall as you are and my body shape... idk. I have a small waist and I like my bottom and thighs. But I don't really have boobs. I had some because of nursing DD, but now they're shrinking again, grumble :/ it sort of balances because my arms are a bit too (?) muscular. No idea what that body shape is called? Maybe an athletic pear?